The Diary of a Misunderstood Potter Book Two
by chadders
Summary: The second part of Billie Potter's diary, January - August.
1. Back To Hogwarts

__**A/N: **Hello!

I am alive, and have followed through with my plans to split this ridiculously epic story into two. The first part is named: **The Diary of a Misunderstood Potter **oddly enough, and can be found easily by following the link through to my profile.

Firstly, I would like to just thank everyone who supported the last story either by reading it, reviewing it or adding it to their favourites. It honestly means so very much as everyone who writes knows and although this chapter has taken a while (sorry) updates will be coming much more quickly - I'm really excited about the plan I've got going for this and it should be good!

Also, my apologies, this chapter is once again unbeta'd but let me know if you spot any mistakes . . . there'll be a few!

Here we go (_again_!) enjoy!

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><p><em>Billie,<em>

_Merry Christmas. I hope you've had a great year and that next one is even better. I know I'm supposed to keep the tradition and only buy you something pointless lest either one of you Potter twins gets grumpy but I saw this and thought of you and I noticed you were running out of pages in your other diary. Please though, don't mention it to James, I haven't bought him anything nice and we both know he'll rage if he finds out. _

_I'm too proud to say it to your face but thank you for everything you've done for me this year, it hasn't always been an easy one but it's been great. Thank you. And, I guess I should apologise for the incident in the kitchen last night. Not that that there's anything to apologise for, really. _

_I hope you like the diary, have a great Christmas and I'll do my best to make sure next year is as great as this one has been. Remember, I'm always here when you need me, no matter how much of an 'idiot' I can be at times. Lots of love, Padfoot. _

**6th Jan**

**8:00am**

We're off back to Hogwarts in ten minutes. Well, James, Sirius and I are being driven down to King's Cross by Mum – which is a shame because I really wanted Dad to take us down, he's been in an astonishing mood this last week, he hasn't said one thing me (which is leading me to think that he _can _remember his torturous ways on Christmas Eve, but no-one has actually said anything so I don't know). I hate to say it, because I bet other people have had it a lot worse off this Christmas than I have, but my last week has been pretty average.

Mum thought it would be funny to have Sirius, James and I put into a compulsory Arithmacy Boot-Camp with Sophie as our mentor. She _completely_ misjudged how good we were and was insultingly shocked when I was able to do anything she gave me within 24 hours. The boys gave up after ten minutes of not getting it, claiming they had better things to be doing, but I was determined to put the bitch in her place. Arithmacy isn't hard as long as you have the right chart and know the basics. Turns out you don't have to go live in Nepal to be good at it. When Sophie grudgingly admitted how well I was doing in 'Arith Camp' Mum looked almost proud. It was odd. Of course, she had to ruin it by saying: "Why can't you be as helpful as you are good at Arithmacy?"

I'm not a Hufflepuff, mother.

Uncle Articus let me tag along to pick up some files from the Auror Office with him and I had a chat with a few of his and Dad's workmates I've known pretty much all my life. Funny, they all left the conversation with – "See you in four years Billie, yes? When you've done your Auror training!" I don't know.

Things haven't been too awkward between Sirius and I. It gets a little tense when Sophie is around and continues to flirt, but she's going back to Nepal tomorrow so hopefully I won't have to see her (ever again) until next Christmas. She's been reminding him to write to her all freaking morning, it's driving me mad! And I swear she's probably going to molest him goodbye or something.

**8:15am**

She did. Oh Godric, my eyes.

**1:00pm**

Been on the train for a few hours now and I am currently sat all alone with only a sleeping Peter and the slightly restless Ethelbert for company. So not _all alone_, but I have no-one to talk to.

James excused himself to the Prefect meeting as soon as we boarded, stealing Remus as he went. Mum was exceedingly upset at the station; something about how this was the last time. I don't know, she made a fool out of herself and used all of Remus' mum's tissues while denied being related to her I went off to find Lily. Her Dad gave me the customary high five and I was halfway through a general, 'Hey, how are you?' conversation with them both when Lily pointed out Sirius edging towards his brother and his friends. Why? I don't know that either, but it took me three minutes of scolding before he shut up and got on the train. By then, Lily and her Dad where hugging good-bye and I didn't want to interrupt, so I waved to Mum (sentimental, I know) and got on the train myself.

Sirius has been gone for about an hour and a half. He snapped something horrible at Peter before storming through the carriages. Nowhere to hide on a train, Padfoot.

"He didn't mean it." I assured Pete, who nodded, still a little shocked. "He saw his brother on the Platform and I think he heard something he didn't want to. Either that or he's on his period again . . ." Pete let out a laugh and a relaxed a bit in his seat. It was a little weird, it just being us two, but not awkward. "Did you enjoy your holiday?" I asked after a second. He frowned a bit.

"Not really, my mum made us all go up to Scotland to see my ill cousin and spend Christmas with my Gran." I was shocked, Peter had never mentioned an ill relative before and I felt guilty for not knowing.

"Are-are they ok?" Peter grinned and I knew he'd tricked me.

"Yeah, it was only a cold."

"Pete! You had me feeling really guilty!"

He told me about how his Mum had embarrassed him by making him do all the cooking because "he is a talented little chef" and how he accidentally mixed up the pâté with the dog food so he had to make this complicated starter twice on Christmas morning. Plus, he was really lonely as his cousin wasn't much fun and too young to be of much interest. I felt bad complaining about Sirius and James to my old diary and to Lily via those letters.

So when he asked me about my holiday, I kept it out. In fact, I kept a lot of what happened in my holiday out, focussing on the World Cup friendly to avoiding anything slipping out. He didn't seem to notice. Peter's always enjoyed watching quidditch and sounded gutted that he couldn't make it to the game. Rightly so, it was spectacular.

We chatted about light and not very world-changing things until Pete saw the time and said he'd better get an hour's sleep before we get to Hogwarts and he falls asleep during dinner. I agreed. It has happened before.

He's still snoring away and I have no idea where Sirius is and I frankly cannot be bothered to go look for him and how long is this bloody meeting supposed to last? Merlin, they're a bunch of unorganised nerds, that is all. At least I have time to think.

_Text in brackets has been scribbled out._

[There's a niggly feeling in my stomach every time I think about getting back to school. The only way I can describe it is like when you're a child and to make you go to sleep your parents say "The quicker you go to sleep, the quicker you'll wake up" and it's true, the night goes in a flash once you're asleep. I guess I just feel like because I only have seven months out of my seven years at Hogwarts left, I'm on borrowed time and it don't like it. Hogwarts is my home, it's safe there and all you have to worry about is: 'are we going to win the next quidditch match?' or 'did Slughorn mark me down on my homework again?'. What the hell am I supposed to do when I leave? I don't know what I want to be when- Not when I grow up because that's not going to happened for a long time, but when I leave school. I'm expected to be auror, I think, and it's always been what I've wanted to do, but what if I don't get the grades? What do I do then? I don't want to leave Hogwarts because then I have to decide things that I should never have to decide. And there's not that much time left.

People too. There's no guarantee that the Marauders are a life long thing. I know I'll always have James, there's no getting rid of him, but no doubt he'll settle down and have a family with someone (Lily) and won't want me around. Merlin, Sirius could end up settling down with a wife and children – now, that is an unsettling thought, and there's no way 'wife' would want me around, ex-best friend/bestfriend's sister, and as annoying as he is, I don't know what I'd do without him. Remus, too. Emily's on the scene now and I know there's the furry little problem to overcome but there's a strong possibility that they'll still be together when we leave. I don't know about Peter, but he's not going to be alone all his life, is he? I'm so scared of being the only one left. Some Gryffindor I am.]

I'm getting bored, might try to have a nap myself.

**8:30pm**

I'm home! Back in my real bed, sharing a dorm with people I actually like although, I agreed with James, something's up with Lily.

I didn't sleep after all. After a moment of indecision, I had a rummage through James' coat pockets until I found the two-way mirror, Sirius had the other one with him at all times.

"Padfoot." I hissed, trying to be quiet. "Sirius!" His face, pinched with confusion, appeared in the glass. "Where are you?" I demanded before he could say anything. He smirked, apparently taking pleasure in what was my rapidly growing annoyance.

"Prefect meeting?" His nonchalant tone irked me.

"Why the hell are you in a prefect meeting? You're about as far from being a prefect as it gets!" I thought I heard Remus' low chuckle from out of sight.

"I whined at the door until James let me in." I couldn't help but grin at the blatant Padfoot reference.

"Well get you ass back up here, Peter's asleep and I've got cabin fever." He tipped me a salute and the image vanished so I shoved the mirror back in James' pocket, noting the amount of screwed up parchment but figuring he'd kill me if I read it.

A few minutes later the door slid open and Sirius literally laid out on the seat, rolling his eyes at Pete's prone form and resting his legs on me.

"You should see those two." He'd shut his eyes but opened them when he spoke.

"Which two?"

"Moony and Emily." He smiled warmly. "It's so cute, they both flush if anyone says anything to them or if they _accidentally _touch hands."

"How's James doing?" Sirius barked a laugh and Peter almost woke up.

"Making an idiot out of himself. Lily's got this huge plan, she's obviously put a lot of effort into it and all Prongs can do is nod along while trying not to look to horrified at some of the measures in there. He did have a go a Dickory though . . ."

"What?" I asked, interested now. Sirius nodded.

"I was hovering outside and heard the tail end of it, I think Dickory was kicking up a fuss about something so James told him that if he had a real problem then feel free to share it but not just to nit pick and make things awkward for everyone." I considered this for a while.

"What did Lily say?"

"Nothing, and neither did Dickory for the rest of meeting." I quirked up an eyebrow in amusement, but that meant that Lily was likely to be in an odd mood later and I really wanted to talk to her.

I've decided to tell her, Lily, about the kiss. Possibly about both of them if she insists on knowing. It seems stupid _not _to tell her and deal with all the awkwardness and whatever is going to unfold when we get back to school, because something will, when she's someone I trust and who might be able to help. I'll try and catch her before she goes out on her patrol if she's in a good mood. And she will be sworn to secrecy.

James and Remus (and Emily, but she only came to say hi and then left before Jade got stroppy) arrived about half an hour later, both sighing as they sat down and looking tired out. I threw a pumpkin pasty and James and he smiled but it slid off his face as a thought occurred to him.

"What's up?" I asked, Peter was awake now and made for James' unwanted pasty. His lips twitched and he did the traditional nervous hair ruffle. Remus, who was sat to my right, leant across to smooth it back down for him with a slight smirk.

"Have you seen Lily yet?" I decided not to be awkward and point out that you can't answer a question with a question. But of course, the problem was the same as it's been for the last four years of my poor twin's life, Lily.

"Yeah, I saw her at the Platform. Didn't talk to her much, had to go stop this stupid mutt from starting a fight." From beside me, I heard Padfoot huff and I felt him wriggle his toes indignantly as he had removed his shoes and buried his feet under my legs. James frowned.

"Why?" The stupid mutt asked.

"She's been really quiet and she disappeared straight after the meeting. I don't know what I've done this time though." I was prepared to voice that yes, she'd been a little weird with me over the holidays (_ignoring_) not being able to reply to my letters and not giving a reason for it when we showed up. However, an uncomfortable squirm in my stomach made me bite my tongue. It'll be something to do with her sister and that cretin fiancé of hers, I'm sure.

"I think she's just nervous Prongs." Sirius promised and I was glad I'd kept my mouth shut. Remus hummed in agreement.

"She had a lot to go through didn't she? And Diggory can't have helped."

This time James nodded too.

We arrived at the castle at about six-ish after laughing away the rest of the journey (and trying to forget everything I scribbled out earlier). Remus got rather flustered when James and Sirius took to re-enacting how he and Emily acted in the Prefect meeting and even more so when we made him describe their 'study session' in the holidays as innocently as possibly and we deliberately made it sound the opposite.

"Wow, you _are _a charmer!"

"Excellent _wandwork _Emily!"

"STIR MY POTION REMUS!" You don't need to be Dumbledore to work out who shouted the last one.

It felt nice to be back home. Back in the Common Room, seeing the Gryffindors, the ones who have been wise enough to stay during the holidays, greeting their friends with cheers and fits of giggles. It felt nice to be able to dive on my (freshly made!) bed and muss up the covers. And then it was also nice to run downstairs and do the same to Sirius' bed. I am a child.

The feast was spectacular as per. We had a quidditch team greet afterwards, everyone's looking well and happy – the Goldsburg brothers are _tanned, _been on a ski trip they said. Lucky them, the rest of us look ill in comparison. Dumbledore said a few words about the tournament before we left. He started off by congratulating us on our win and "hopefully we will continue to bring such teamwork and determination to our future efforts." Our table went wild with cheers and a burly 5th year boy went as far as patting me on the back causing James to bite back laughter at the look on my face and Sirius to raise a challenging eyebrow. Though, whether that was aimed at me or him is undecided.

Dumbledore went on to say that the tournament won't start until after Easter, which is a bit gutting, not only because I was excited for it and wanted to get going straight away, but because then the tournament's going to crossover with exam revision. I predict stress. And then we were scraping back our benches, joining the throng headed towards the door. I managed to catch up with Lily as she scolded two second years for pushing.

"I need to talk to you about something – important." I added before she could come up with an excuse to put it off. Then I'd lose my nerve. She frowned, interested.

"Now? I was going to take a bath before I go on patrol." I bit my lip in a grin, she sets herself up sometimes.

"Wanting to be fresh for James?"

"Someone has to set a hygiene standard for him." She replied a little icily, glancing over her shoulder. She seemed a bit, quiet was the word James used, but it was more _distant _in my opinion, like she was really far away – maybe back on the swings she deserted my letters to play on. "I'll talk to you after my bath, you'll persuade yourself out of it if it's left too long." She was smiling slightly, I nodded and was pulled off to join the team while she ferried the firsties back to the portrait hole.

She's still bathing now, possibly on her way back from the Prefect bathrooms, and my stomach feels like jelly. What if she laughs at me, or tells me off like she did those second years? Or what if she tells James?

Oh, she's back.

**9:30pm**

Ok, I've told her. The secret's out. I had to spend ten minutes lying on my bed in shock after she'd left for patrol – I actually _told _someone.

"First off," I told her as she crossed he legs and began to dry her hair. We were both sat on my bed and I was fidgeting and avoiding eye contact at all costs. "You have to promise not to tell ANYONE." Looking up, I saw her grin slightly at this. "I mean it Lily, tell anyone and I will END YOU-"

"Alright! You have my word. I will not tell a soul." The glint of humour had gone from her eyes so I trusted her, mainly because she's Lily. I took a deep breath. "Spill already!"

"Ok! I'm trying to figure . . . how to word it."

"Figure faster!"

"OK! You know Christmas Eve?" She gave me a look dripping with sarcasm. "Shut up, anyway, my whole family got drunk – James, James got _very _drunk – but erm, Sirius and I didn't. Didn't want to be drunk around my family. I was getting sick of my dad pratting about with the radio so I went in the kitchen and then Sirius followed me in and," I blushed horribly, Lily was watching me like a hawk. "He, erm, there was mistletoe." Her face lit up in understanding and a disbelieving laugh escaped her lips. I refuse to believe it was any other type of laugh but disbelieving because why would Lily be happy about Sirius kissing me?

"Merlin's warty nipples Billie! You kissed him!"

"No! He kissed me! I tried to say no!" She'd missed the right end of the stick completely.

"Mhm, did you now?" My jaw fell open in protest, why was she so _giddy_ about this?

"YES! And he just kissed me and there wasn't much I could do about it!"

"Has he kissed you before?" She asked and I wasn't able to hide the truth on my face quickly enough. It was her jaw's turn to drop. "When? Why didn't you _tell _me about this?"

"His birthday? He pulled me into a broom cupboard on the way to lesson and demanded a birthday kiss." Lily burst into fresh peals of laughter.

"Oh, this is priceless!"

"Lily! You're really not supposed to laugh!" I complained and she giggled.

"Did you like it? Did you? You DID! You kissed Sirius and you liked it!" She was jumping up and down a little on the bed and making me feel sick with watching her (and listening to her). Lily was now deaf to my expostulations so I gave up making them. Suddenly, and with a scary efficiency, she snapped into business mode. "Does he fancy you?"

"What? No, of course not!" Because he doesn't, I'm not his type and I think I'd know if my best mate fancied me. Lily showed no expression at my answer.

"Do you fancy him?" My heart was going berserk; I must have released a crazy amount of adrenaline for it to be going like that. I didn't realise I was so nervous to tell her.

"No! Lily, do you honestly think I fancy that I fancy him? He does my head in! I think I hate him a higher percentage of the time than I like him!"

"Of course not!" She smiled sweetly and I glared at her, seeing straight through it. She changed tack, "You'll tell me if he does anything else? Promise."

"Promise you'll keep this secret." I countered.

"Promise."

So I have told her that I'll tell her if he does anything else weird. Although I have told him that kissing (as well as burning things) is off limits, but he does have a habit for breaking rules. As Lily was leaving she turned round and asked.

"Have you owled Gideon yet?"

I sighed deeply, a small fire of anger lighting up in the pit of my stomach.

"_Somebody _burnt my letter- my letter that was hidden in my bedside drawer underneath a magazine." Lily's shock faded quickly to amusement.

"Oh my-" As she shut the door I thought I her mutter something that sounded quite like: "Priceless."

**7th Jan**

**8:30pm**

We have just played the best prank on James in the history of our pranks on James! He's furious, absolutely furious and is refusing to speak to Remus, Sirius or I "until you apologise! I HATE YOU ALL!". He's not holding Peter as responsible which is stupid because, from what I gather, without him distracting James, the whole thing couldn't have happened. I think Lily's dealing with him at the moment although I don't see how she'll be able to help. Hopefully she'll stop him from going to Dumbledore and asking him to expel us though; he said that was his plan.

At first I thought tonight was going to be pretty boring, I was just settling down with the essay title Professor Jubential had given us earlier today with a few regretful apologies when we all groaned. I was sat at one of the tables in the corner of the Common Room, watching James and Pete by the fire and admiring my brother's patience as Peter was still (pretend) struggling to turn the mouse even a dull lilac when what he was going for was the sort of deep purple Dumbledore wears – I was sure I'd have gotten frustrated and told him to try harder, or just given up. The rest of the Common Room's inhabitants were behaving no differently to normal, squabbling over seats and playing noisy games of exploding gobstones (we _are _Gryffindors after all) whilst ignoring others' protests for them to shut up because the more studious of us were trying to concentrate. Can't say I minded, I didn't want to work, watching the fifth year who got friendly during the feast last night be slaughtered at chess by his mate in an almost painful to watch way was much more fun. Then my own fun started.

I'd barely written an inch when Sirius slipped down the stairs from the Boys' Dorm.

"Billie, come quick!" He whispered, gathering up my things for me. I was a little disarmed by the way he was grinning but all my questions were ignored. "Shh, don't let James see you!" I let him drag me up the stairs and into the dorm where Remus was sat on the end of his bed, grinning in the exact same way. Sirius joined him on the bed and gestured for me to sit opposite. I felt like I was being interviewed. "We've done something brilliant." Sirius explained, Remus nodded, the rare grin still there.

"Incredible."

"Amazing."

"Glorious."

"May I ask what you've done and how I'm involved." A slight flutter of worry appeared as Sirius jumped up and reached out for my hand.

"That you may!" Reluctantly, I took his hand and he led me over to James' bed. I frowned up at Remus who was eyeing the covers with an expression of glee.

"Brace yourself." Remus advised me as Sirius reached out to pull the covers back.

Initially, I almost screamed. It was the shock of seeing _something_ under the quilt when there should have only been the bottom sheet, a pure white from being washed. After jumping a foot into the air, I burst out laughing.

Once I had controlled myself they were ushering me out of the room and before leaving I glanced back at James' bed, the trophy charmed to be undetectable under the covers.

"James is going to kill us."

The buzz of chatter dimmed a little as the three of us entered the Common Room. Several girls, who's names I should know but don't, looked up at Sirius and his brilliant grin before bursting into a frenzy of whispers and giggles. Our victim was still sat in front of the fire with Pete, going over the same spell. Even though I now know that Peter was doing it wrong on purpose to give Sirius and Remus time, I would have flipped at him by now. He saw Sirius approaching and took the grin as a sign of a new Marauder plan.

"Good evening Mr Padfoot."

"Evening Mr Prongs, Mr Moony and I require your presence in the Boys' Dorm immediately. James was on his feet in a flash, Peter standing less hurriedly and aiming a grin at me.

"This is going to be brilliant." Remus whispered in a sing-song voice as he brought up the rear into the dorm. The first thing I noticed was the massive drop in temperature from when I'd been in there a few minutes ago.

Let's face it, the boys are geniuses.

"So what's the plan?" James asked, diving onto his bed, but due to the charm, he couldn't feel any stray antlers poking into his back. But, before Sirius could launch into what I'm sure was a fabulous lie, James added, "Bloody Hell it's cold in here, one sec, let me get my jumper!"

We all drew in a breath as he scrambled around to get his jumper from inside his quilt. His hand seemed to inch towards the cover as if time had slowed down until at last he reached it and pulled it down.

Apparently his scream was heard out in the corridor. At the sight of the stag he fell backwards, toppling off the bed and scrambling away from it, screaming, as white as a sheet. The rest of us burst into gales of laughter. Remus, who'd only heard about James' reaction at Christmas, was crying and clutching onto Sirius' bed-frame for support as he howled with mirth.

Over our wailing I heard brisk footsteps hurrying up the stairs. The door flew open, Lily.

"What on EARTH are you doing?" Her green eyes were like slits as she tried to make sense of the scene in front of her. Us, in various poses, clutching out stomachs, doubled up with laughter, the stag head, resting amongst James' covers and the boy himself, now hiding behind the thick scarlet curtains of Peter's bed. He was making little pathetic whimpering sounds at the back of his throat. At the sight of Lily he managed to pull himself together a bit.

Apparently his cursing could be heard out in the corridor as well.

With a glare in our direction, Lily told James to go with her and for us to sort ourselves out because we're "CHILDREN!". I've moved the stag up to my dorm, not going to get rid of it. More opportunities will present themselves in the future and nothing cheers me up like seeing my brother scream. I think it's a sibling thing.

Sirius offered for me to come down to the kitchens with him and Wormtail when Remus went on patrol but I told them (though the food was tempting) that I needed to finish my defence essay. So far I've written this . . . but I suppose I'd better get it done. Judging by the look he gave me when I told him, it'd look a bit bad if he found out that I hadn't done it and caught me finishing it later.

Good night, I suppose.

**11:00pm**

Speaking of Sirius, it got INCREDIBLY tense in Defence today. We were sat in out usual seating arrangements, me sandwiched between James and Sirius on the back row and we were just getting started copying out the necessary diagram (why I bothered is beyond me, I can't draw to save my life and it's already in one of the books that Uncle Articus got me for Christmas) when Professor Jubential wandered around the classroom, pointing things out to people.

"Billie, _what _is that?" He asked me in mock horror when he saw my beautiful handiwork. Sirius looked down at my work and sniggered before returning to his own perfect drawing.

"It's my work, sir." I replied, pretending to be hurt, "Don't you like it?"

"I never knew you were so artistically challenged." Was all he replied.

"You should have seen the year she made Christmas cards." James muttered and both he and Sirius cringed. In indignation, I knocked James' elbow so his quill slipped and a black line sliced through his work.

"Children." We were warned. Merlin, it was like being back at home with Dad while he's trying to be funny. "Hey, did you have a good time at the quidditch?"

We talked about quidditch for a few minutes before Sir asked, "Who was that girl you were with?"

"Oh, Sophie McKinnon, our cousin." I said, finally able to get a word in after the quidditch conversation that James monopolised completely. Sir's eyebrows raised and he smirked at Sirius.

"She liked you." He stated and I felt a curl of annoyance in my stomach. Of course she liked him, that was more than a little obvious, she practically threw herself at him at every chance. I didn't dare glance at Sirius so I stared fixatedly at my messy 'diagram'.

"Hah, not really." He sounded offhand but out of the corner of my eye I saw his grip tighten around his quill a bit.

"Nepal, huh?" Sir asked and unable to stop myself, I groaned. No more Nepal. No more. Both men/boys laughed and then sir had to move along as Emily wanted something explaining – she was way ahead of us.

As Sir moved away I allowed myself to glance at Padfoot only to find that he had chosen the exact same moment to look up at me. I blushed, which is the natural reaction, isn't it?

A tense silence settled on us after that. Even James felt it, shuffling around in his seat for a bit before starting up another conversation about Lily and whether we thought she was ok. The talk of Lily made me remember the conversation we had so I felt even more awkward and wound up. Wondering, stupidly, if either of the boys would be able to read what happened in my eyes or sneak into my brain and see it, I added a few vague markings to my diagram. Thankfully, things settled down when sir stopped us working to go on to the next phase.

All I know is that I'd appreciate being able to do my work without someone mentioning Sophie and dragging up memories of the stairs and the kitchen because that's just no fun.

None at all.

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><p><strong>AN: **Phew! How was it?


	2. Spells And Potions For The Easily Bored

**A/N: **Hello! Damn, it's been a while - my apologies again but the next chapter is moving along swiftly so the wait _hopefully _won't be as long.

As always, many thanks to my incredible beta Heinz (**FezzesRCool25**) love you to pieces dear! She's actually written a **Billius Fic **of her own and although it's not been typed up yet, I've read it and it's so adorable! So if you're a Billius fan (why would you be here if you weren't?) make sure you keep an eye out for that one :)

Thanks also to everyone who added this story to their alerts, favourited and/or reviewed! I think I replied to all your reviews but **make sure you login to review if you're going to ask a question **because otherwise I can't find you and it stresses me out that I can't answer you, ok? THANK YOU!

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><p><strong>12th Jan<strong>

**10:00am**

Merlin, it feels like ages since I've written anything! It's only been five days since the 'incident' with the stag and my last entry, but I feel a bit rushed off my feet. I've decided to take a break from the long and laborious task of taking notes (I'm in History of Magic, if Lily doesn't let me borrow hers, Remus will) to write in here instead. In all honesty, in the long run, I'd rather write something that I will one day want to remember: my teenage years, rather than whatever Professor Binns is droning about now.

All the other professors are getting a bit crazy – you can see it in their eyes. If I thought I had a stack of homework before . . . well, the amount must have doubled. I'm not really, _really_ complaining, I'm aware it's for our own good but it just leaves so little time for anything else, especially when I've got quidditch as well and James is insisting we get together and go running or do some kind of workout every night, "to make sure we're ready". Rock hard abs, though nice to sort of _feel_, will never give me the same pleasure as just chilling out with the boys or sneaking out to Hogsmede with Sirius.

James started talking to me again on Thursday morning, he lasted a night, because we had training that night and he wanted to talk to me about it at lunch (we were skipping dinner to train and going to the kitchens after). Practice turned out to be horrible, the wind was bitterly cold, not quite sleet kept soaking us to the skin and James was being absolutely ruthless. Everyone seems happy and healthy though. Sammie was telling Emmeline and I as we were peeling our saturated kit off about how her parents met John for the first time in the holidays. They were thrilled with him even though there was apparently awkwardness in abundance as the two of them weren't allowed to be in a room together with the door shut.

"It's because my mum got knocked up young." She explained casually. Emmeline looked a little unsure of how to react but I laughed. My parents had James and I when they were quite old so they're getting easier and easier to manipulate. I sound horrible, don't I?

It was odd though, Emmeline became a little quiet when I asked her how her holiday had been and when Sammie asked if she's seen her dad she turned a little pale. It could have been the light though.

"No, he was working a lot and he was too tired to have me over." Her parents split up ages ago and I felt a wave of pity for her. I'd loathe spending an entire holiday with my mum.

Ooh a note.

_Concentrating hard, I see – S _

I just looked over, he's currently got his feet propped up on the table and is resting his charmed parchment on his legs. Hypocrite.

And yourself – B

_It's alright, Remus is easy to persuade now he's all happy in his Emily bubble, I'll use his – S _

Thanks for the heads up – B

_Pleasure. Are you going to actually spend time with me tonight? Or do you have 'other things to do'? – S_

No need to be so touchy, anyone would think you missed me! I've got that charm to practice – B

_Well surely that won't take very long? I'll sit and watch, it'll be like the exam – S_

Brilliant. – B

**8:00pm**

Bloody Sirius! He just causes problems for everyone just through being his stupid, easily bored self.

He managed to get me to promise he could sit and watch while I mastered the complicated charm that would set a musical instrument playing by itself. In class I'd only managed to get my flute to play a few off-key scales and I didn't really want Sirius there watching (and judging) as I continued to fail at it. So, to save my pride, I decided to let him leaf through my 'book of spells and potions for the easily bored' while I worked. His grin was huge when I presented it to him but, I swear, I would have made sure he'd never laid eyes on it if I'd have known the problems it was going to cause.

We sat and chatted for a few hours, me working on the spell at the same time, and in a moment of rare tact, which has been completely nullified now because of what an ARSE he's been, Sirius told me he was going to take a trip down to the kitchens so I could concentrate for a bit. I thanked him profusely and within five minutes had my flute playing a selection of Weird Sisters' songs.

In fact, half an hour later I was still messing around with the flute, changing the songs it was playing and the way they were played. It was because of this that I didn't hear the commotion downstairs. When I muttered the counter charm, finally bored, it was quite obvious that _something_ was going on. I could hear Lily's authoritarian voice from up in the dorm. Abandoning the flute, I raced down to the common room and was met by a crowd of people, pushed as far back into the corners of the room as they could manage to put as much space between them and the Head Girl as possible.

She and James were in the centre of the crowd, like one of the ancient wizard duels in Greece and Italy, and Lily was shouting at James while he stood, arms crossed, with the most venomous look on his face I've seen in a long time. Sirius was back, I noticed, and was standing the closest to the pair of them looking decidedly shame-faced.

"Stupid and childish and immature!" Lily was ranting, fists clenched. "You're supposed to be Head Boy!" That seemed to be it for James and he snapped.

"What the hell Evans? I haven't actually done anything wrong – you should be taking all this out on him!" He gestured wildly at Sirius but never once broke the eye contact. She turned a deep shade of red. Burnt Ruby. "But no, you decided to come and have a go at me because one of my friends has done something stupid-"

"You're supposed to have grown out of this arrogance - it's you who made him such an arse!" A few people gasped at the word 'arse' coming from Lily Evans, Head Girl and I felt a stab of anger towards her. Sirius is an idiot sometimes but it's nobody's fault but his own (and his damn horrible parents'). My brother spat out a laugh.

"I don't control my friends. I don't keep him on a leash because I'm scared he's going to wander off and find someone else. I influence his decisions just as he influences mine because he's my _brother_, but I had nothing to do with this, and I'm getting sick of you treating me like I planned it just because I'm the easiest target." Lily opened her mouth to speak but James carried on. "I have been nothing but nice to you, especially this year. He's not even your friend." I got the sense James wasn't referring to Sirius. The look Lily gave him was so full of loathing it was like being transported back to fifth year. Silently, she pushed past the people on the stairs and blanked my questioning "Lily?", heading straight towards the girls' dorm.

The common room immediately burst into action, the only two people who seemed not to be moving into groups to whisper to each other were Sirius and James. They were staring at each other, faces blank, and communicating somehow in their own little non-verbal way. James saw me approach and grabbed my arm as soon as I reached him, pulling me through the portrait hole and out into the corridor.

"THAT IDIOT!" He roared. I glanced around and was relieved to see that no-one had witnessed James' outburst, we were alone in the corridor. "He always manages to screw things up for me. Always!" I reached out and pulled him into a hug, he looked like he needed one. He was shaking with anger and I felt truly sorry for him, he was finally getting somewhere with Lily and whatever Sirius had done had them shouting at each other again. At least it didn't get too personal this time.

"What even happened?" I asked once he'd clamed down a bit. In a very slobby sort of way, he slumped down on the floor, sliding back on the marble to rest against the wall. Feeling awkward at looming over him, I crouched down to his left.

"He went and hexed Snape on the way to the kitchens. Provoked, I'm sure, but he got caught by Professor Sprout and he's got a detention. Of course, all this is my fault somehow." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up at odd angles.

"She'll come round." I promised, "She always does when she realises it's not your fault."

"I just _hate _him sometimes, he goes and reads a new hex in a book and suddenly he has to use it on a guy he promised me he'd lay off?" The last part surprised me a bit. James was really trying to be mature and attempting to get Sirius to behave in the same way. I felt a mix of being vaguely proud and impressed and the repeated stabs of guilt that I'd handed over the book that caused this whole mess.

"Godric." I moaned, burying my head in my hands. "I gave him that book, Lily bought me it for Christmas, he must have used a spell from there."

"Well, that's just bloody ironic isn't it? That-" His hands fisted into balls, I didn't know if he was going to curse Sirius or Lily and I didn't ask. "Don't you dare feel guilty, it's not your fault."

"It's not yours either." I pointed out fairly and he shook his head. "I'm going to go 'talk' to him – are you going to be ok?" We both stood up.

"Yeah, think I might go drown myself in the bath." However morbid what he was saying, a smile made his lips twitch.

"If you say so." I joked, ruffling his hair. He laughed and I watched him walk away before heading through the portrait hole. ("_Canis est stultus_")

As I let the dorm door shut behind me, Sirius looked up. I noticed a steely glint in his eye that he needed to lose quickly otherwise I was going to go mad. He was alone in the dorm although there was the distinct sound of Peter's not-quite-singing coming from behind the bathroom door where I presumed he was in the shower.

"Why?" I asked him and he crawled up to the top of his bed, folding his arms, but he didn't dare to scowl at me. "You know you've ruined things for James in the near future?"

"You know Evans was out of order." He said icily.

"She was, but you didn't exactly help James' cause, did you?" He did look slightly guilty.

"Well, that's all in the past now. I've got a detention, Snivelly's been fixed. I don't see why there's all this fuss."

"It's not all in the past you incorrigible ARSE! You _know _how hard James has worked to sort things out with Lily."

"He deserved it! He called us-" But I cut him off.

"Then why did you get caught?"

With that, I stormed out of the dorm and down the stairs, met by an incredibly furious looking Remus Lupin. Childishly, all I could think was 'ooh, Sirius is going to get it now!'.

Ugh, the boy never learns.

**14th Jan**

**8:00pm**

I have been very brave tonight. Moony says he's very proud of me because, sick to the teeth of the constant tension and bickering between certain members of the group and not wanting to be around while James and Sirius have a 'talk', I joined Remus in the library.

I spent the whole way up to the library making Remus list all the reasons why I shouldn't just go curl up in the common room and feeling sorry for myself because James and Lily have fallen out and because Lily's not really talking to any of us because I can't not talk to Sirius and neither can the others – it's not like an animal force of attraction or anything, or like he's imperius-ed us, he's just such a big part of our everyday lives it's impossible not to. Plus, we're all a little scared that if we don't he'll go impregnate half of Hufflepuff and I want to vomit even thinking about that. Eventually he just grabbed my arm and dragged me over to their 'usual table'. Emily, Jade and Ben were all sat working when we arrived. Obviously, Remus and Emily wanted to sit next to each other which left me a seat between Jade and Ben. The former could not hide her disdain as I slumped down.

"However unhappy you are to see me, it will never compare to the look Madam Pince just gave me."

Emily burst out laughing, Ben gave me a warm but thoughtful look and Jade allowed herself to roll her eyes. Remus grinned but shook his head slightly in exasperation and Jade wasn't too bad with me after that, cold, but I didn't get frostbite from looking at her. It's odd, I don't even really know why she doesn't like me though I'm certain it's to do with Padfoot – it's always to do with Padfoot.

Actually, I proved myself to be rather useful in the end. Turns out these particular Ravenclaws, for all their disparaging comments about my failures in other subjects, weren't so strong at arithmacy. Guess who was volunteered to give them a helping hand? It all started when Ben crossed off his latest complete piece of homework from his list (they have _lists_!) and groaned deeply.

"I hate arithmacy, I don't get any of this." He muttered, more to himself than anyone else. Emily nodded sympathetically and I gasped in mock horror.

"What's that? A Ravenclaw unable to complete a piece of homework in the time it takes the rest of us to brush our teeth?" He rolled his eyes at my comment but grinned slightly. He's alright is Ben, a little reserved and not the type of person I'm normally friends with, and the quietness can be a little awkward, but he's nice. He seems prone to having a few moments of sarcastic genius, like Remus in a more introverted way, that make him worth having around. It makes a nice change from Sirius and James anyway.

"You may find this hard to believe," He began, sweeping his almost too-long fringe out of his eyes with a dramatic hand movement, "But I do have faults." I laughed a little bit and he grinned again. "Seriously though, Remus help me."

"You want to ask Billie, she's the arithmacy expert." Everyone's favourite werewolf nodded at my horror-struck face.

"No, no, no!" I objected as everyone on the table turned to look at me, Remus and Emily looking oddly amused, Ben and Jade scrutinising. Jade rifled through my finished pieces of homework (I hadn't done enough to warrant calling it a pile) and pulled out the completed questions, handing it over to Ben after a quick glance, eyebrows raised.

"Um, you might need to explain this to me."

Ten minutes later, whatever needed to click had done so several times over and everyone had completed the arithmacy.

"Professor Leonard isn't going to know what to do with himself." Emily commented dryly and Remus chuckled. Bless them both, the whole time we were there they sat snuggled up together on their own bench, hands that weren't writing linked together on the table. They're impossibly cute and couple-y but at the same time, even when Ben and Jade went off to get a book, they don't make you feel like an unwanted third wheel. Adorable.

Eventually we had to leave. Remus and Emily had to do their rounds. Ben snorted loudly when they announced that, causing them both to flush a wonderful shade of pink. It was obvious Jade didn't really want to spend any more time in my company than was polite so she said she was going back to the dorm and Ben gave her an incredibly annoyed (and hurt? Either way it was the most emotion I've ever seen on his face) look before gathering his things up too. According to Emily, I need to join them more often if only because she actually understands arithmacy when I'm around. This earned her a gentle poke in the ribs from Remus. And, all in all, I've enjoyed myself tonight – Sirius or no Sirius.

I wonder how his and James' talk went.

**15th Jan**

**9:00pm**

Just returned from another night in the library. Who knew actually studying could be fun? I still feel ready to burst out with laughter despite the slightly tense walk back to the common room with Sirius.

I couldn't decide whether I was going to go again tonight. We had an early evening quidditch practice straight after lessons finished and after that I felt ready for a night of curling up by the fire and forcing Lily to play Wizard's Chess with me. However, I arrived back from the showers to find Lily and Sirius engaged in a serious conversation in the quietest corner of the room. I almost missed them when I headed up to the girls' dorm and when I changed tack and walked over to them Sirius shook his head slightly. First he has a private talk with James, now Lily who he doesn't even really like? When am I going to be privy to all these conversations?

Pride stinging slightly, I checked the map and found Remus up in the library again with the other Ravenclaws. I had no desire to seek James out and spend the rest of my night discussing quidditch, by the looks of the map he had Martin for that, they were still making their way back through the school.

"Billie!" Remus jumped as I ambushed him in the aquatic plants section.

"Why are Sirius and Lily talking in the common room?" I asked immediately. "What are they saying?" He laughed quietly and I followed him back to the table and Ben shifted up on the bench so I could sit next to him, Jade scowled. Ignoring the gesture, I turned to Remus, glaring.

"What's going on?" I demanded and Emily gave Remus a puzzled look. Jade muttered something and I nearly switched my glare to her but stopped when I realised that that wouldn't be productive in making friends.

"Billie, you really don't need to worry." He tried to console me.

"First he has a talk with James, now Lily? What's going on?"

"Does it matter?" Ben asked suddenly and, for some reason, the question felt like a stinging hex to the stomach. Emily gave him a warning look and I opened my mouth to repeat the question.

"James decided it would be best if he gave Sirius a bollocking, pardon my French, more quietly and Lily decided she wanted to do the same." I stood processing this, feeling everyone but Jade's eyes on me until it became uncomfortable.

"So why can't I know?"

Remus gave me a disbelieving look when I actually crossed my arms like a child.

"Because it's got nothing to do with you – he's managed to upset them both and I have a feeling that he's not taking what they're both saying very well."

"But you know!"

"I received the backwash from Sirius after what James said to him. It was not pretty and I would gladly swap places with you. Now sit down and join in!"

He turned slightly away from me and I knew continuing to argue would be fruitless. I huffed and sat down next to Ben and, with a triumphant grin, Emily started explaining the rules of the game to me. Each person had five minutes to find a book relevant to the work we were doing in class and then they had to ask the others questions on the stuff in the book. I nearly got up and walked out but they managed to persuade me to stay with promises of "consolidation of knowledge" and "you'll ace the next test if we keep doing this" and "do you really want to go and relive your last training session with James?".

It wasn't actually as bad as it sounds. Jade went first and deliberately asked me horrible question after horrible question until Ben kicked her under the table and, with a wry grin of amusement – she must really like Ben – she made it easier. I felt insulted either way. Remus went next, deciding to get progressively harder with his questions until we were all needing clues to get the answer. His clues were brilliant; whoever said that being a Marauder was bad for the brain (Lily Evans, that means you) is clearly lacking in the cerebral area themselves.

Then I was up. I can't say I used my five minute book finding time very wisely. I got lost after 30 seconds and ended up grabbing the nearest relevant book before trying to navigate my way back to the table in time.

"You got lost didn't you?" Emily commented on my late return.

"What? Of course not!" I was just finding the perfect book, that's all . . ." I trailed off when I saw the book that I'd managed to grab, 'From Shoot To Satan: The Complete Guide To Devil's Snare'. Jade quirked an eyebrow and I felt a rush of defensiveness. "Professor Sprout said it was going to be in the exam!" I mumbled. She decided to ignore my protests which I'm glad about because it may have been a lie – I rarely listen in Herbology, Sirius distracts me.

Question-wise, I decided to give Jade a little taste of her own medicine. After a round of ridiculously easy questions, "Billie, we learnt this is second year!" I made them much, much harder.

"Remus, if I took a three-pound clipping of the snare's root and placed it in the sunlight, how much would the weight decrease by in an hour and why?" He almost got it.

"Emily, what potion is used to neutralise the sap of the Devil's snare?" She got it right.

"Jade, what is the equation used to predict how he mass of the person and the amount of movement they make decreases the time before complete asphyxiation?" She got it wrong.

And then, because I was getting bored, I asked Ben a very childish question – mainly just to see what his reaction was.

"Ben, what is so unique about the way Devil's snare reproduces?" There was a stunned silence around the table and I watched several emotions flicker through Ben's eyes before settling on one of amused embarrassment. He coughed and then, amazingly, he _smirked_.

"Well, urm, they, well, they reproduce in the normal way . . ." Emily giggled opposite him and Jade nudged him with her elbow. I shared a look with Remus and saw he was trying not to laugh.

"I don't understand what you mean, the 'normal way'." I claimed, speaking quickly so as not to start laughing. Ben blushed even deeper – I swear he suits the tomato look – and his shoulders shook.

"They, um," While my voice had gone higher with trying not to laugh, his seemed to have deepened. "They shag." There was another pause at the table in which everyone inhaled and shared glances. Then we all burst out laughing.

"Is that really what you're going to write in your exam?" Emily asked, "Devil's snares _shag_?" I was just beginning to control myself but this brought up all kinds of mental images and through my laughter I let out a wail.

"I'm never going to be able to go in greenhouse three again! And we have Herbology tomorrow!"

"No wonder Professor Sprout can always be found in there!" Ben joked. The rest of the people at the table made disgusted sounds, admonishing him but this idea made me and him laugh even more, twice as loud.

"Oh Merlin Ben, you can't say that!" I choked. "Professor Sprout is a highly respected member of staff who just happens to enjoy the company of plants!"

"Billie!" Remus looked thoroughly disturbed and that made me almost cackle.

A flurry of parchment and the quick shuffle of slippered feet announced Madam Pince's arrival.

"OUT!" She shrieked and I was paralysed with wondering whether Madam Pince would enjoy Devil's snare sex too. After that was pretty much beyond all hope. It was Ben who made our apologies and he gave me time to get my bag before he grabbed my wrist, pulling my out of the library and into the corridor. I attempted a deep sigh but ended up producing as loud snort which set us both off again until my cheeks were burning and I could barely breathe.

"Billie?" A voice I definitely recognised called from down the corridor and I turned to see Padfoot approaching us, frowning slightly. His grey eyes dropped to Ben's hand wrapped around my wrist and suddenly the contact I had barely noticed before became uncomfortable, like it was going to burn an imprint into my skin.

"Hey, Lily let you go?" I managed to let him know that I wasn't happy with the situation with a cold note in my voice and he briefly licked his lips then swallowed.

"Yes. I was just . . . coming to _find _you." He said 'find' like he meant rescue and I sent a guilty glance towards Ben, who was working something out in his head. He was frowning slightly, like he would over a difficult arithmacy problem.

"I didn't, erm, need _finding_."

"Obviously." Padfoot replied far too quickly and we fell into an awkward silence. I felt Ben's hand fall away and spun back round when he coughed slightly.

"I'll see you later then." I mouthed an apology at him, certain Sirius couldn't see, and he smiled.

"Yeah," I said aloud and, because the thought amused me and because I knew it would annoy Padfoot to be kept in the dark (didn't he deserve it?) I added, "In Herbology!"

Ben was still laughing as he turned the corner towards the Ravenclaw common room and I couldn't help but grin. Silently, Sirius and I fell in step, making our way back to the common room at a slower than usual pace.

"So . . ." Sirius began.

"-Don't." I cut him off and he looked at me, startled. "I don't want your opinion and you have no right to be annoyed." He didn't speak for a while.

"Well I am."

"What?"

"Annoyed."

I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit smug at this; I grinned.

"Stupid mutt."

"You love it."

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><p><strong>AN: **Oooooooh tension. I promise the next chapter isn't too far away :)


	3. A Hex And A Detention

**A/N: **Hello everyone :) Got some news for you before I start this chapter . . .

**1.** I've decided to set myself a **two week update target**, so that at least once in a two week period I will update this fic (I think it'll normally be on a saturday that I update unless any of you would prefer me to change it to a different day.) or if I can't update this one then I will put _something _up, some kind of one shot be it HP, Merlin or Sherlock. So, fingers crossed, I will become more of a regular updater - I might even be able to make it one a week if I get ahead of myself with the chapters. We'll see.

**2. **Exciting stuff is happening in the next chapter. **Really exciting stuff**. Unfortunately though, it means that my brain has shut down and rendered me pretty incapable of writing it properly. It's been sent off to my beta (FezzesRCool25) but it's really short and I don't like it. Just warning you, there might be a big angsty A/N at the start of the next chapter . . .

**3. **Thank you to everyone for reviewing and all that jazz, it means **a lot **since I've been having a pretty naff time at the moment. Naff. Naff. Naff. However, I know I allow anonymous reviews but please, please, if you have an account _log in _because you ask such amazing questions and I want to talk to you and I cant! So, I propose if you have a question and you don't have an account on here, nip over to my tumblr (roll-on-june) and stick a question in the ask box and then I can reply to you by posting it on my blog. That would make me really happy :)

(**she who must not be named **would you be happy if I told you that we're on exactly the same wavelength?)

This was beta-d, as always, by the amazing **FezzesRCool25 **- I think you should all go pester her to type up her Billius fic because it nearly caused me to combust with warm fuzzies.

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><p><strong>24th Jan<strong>

**7:30am**

I shouldn't be awake this early. I am never awake this early, but I did something really bad last night as this is likely the world's way of repaying me. Nobody's awake in the dorm, which is a blessing, and I know if I went downstairs to the boys' dorm they'd all be sleeping soundly – minus Remus, he's in the hospital wing.

It was a full moon last night, the first since Remus and Emily started going out. She seemed to completely buy his story about visiting his mother and when he returned to the common room to tell the lads to start getting ready, no-one could find the words to remind him that once Emily had met Mrs Lupin, it would be obvious he'd been lying, not last night anyway. Lily was being quite weird yesterday too. Not to my face, but every time she thought I couldn't see her, a little worry crept into her eyes. Already jumpy and irritable because of the furry little situation, I decided I was just going to swallow my pride and get over to Professor Jubential's office so I could complain about everything to him and do half his marking. But of course, I had to act rashly as always and never even got to his office before I got into trouble.

I was counting as usual, the number of cats in the portraits I think it was last night, I'm sure I looked insane, but it took my mind off Remus and whatever Lily's problems are. Because of this, I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going and I jumped a foot into the air when I crashed into someone coming around the corner. It was Snape.

"Watch where you're going, _Potter_." He spat and I shouldn't have risen, I really shouldn't have, but I felt my temper flare and he wasn't moving out of my way.

"Watch where you're going, _Snape._" I bit back and he glared at me. On a side note, I swear his eyes are black, just black, like they're one big pupil, it's creepy. "Why don't you just slither on back down to your common room? You have no reason to be out of there at this time anyway." Which was true, it was just past curfew.

"Neither do you unless . . ." He gave me a scrutinising glance, "Unless you're sneaking out to meet a certain friend of yours for a _walk in the moonlight_." My blood ran cold. That's the thing I hate most about Snape, even more that his attempted pure blood mania and what he did to Lily, I hate that he knows about Remus. I hate that he could ruin everything for him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I feigned confusion and his smirk made me want to hit him.

"Of course you don't. How foolish of me. You're not really a part of their pathetic little gang, three blood traitors and an animal."

"Remus Lupin is more of a man than you'll ever be." My wand was out in a flash.

"I'm surprised that his parents haven't gotten rid of him yet. I daresay, wolf fur fetches a high price on the black market – it would certainly be more valuable to them than he is."

"You don't even know what you're talking about." Suddenly he was twice as close to me, he smelt horrible but I fought away the urge to turn and run.

"I know that he's a werewolf, that's he's out there in the shrieking shack at this very moment in time, that Black and your brother are up to something tonight and that it is far too coincidental to not be connected." He paused and my hand tightened around my wand. "I know that whatever it is, you're not a part of it and you never have been. I know that there is no place for blood traitors and beasts in the world and-" I sure he thought he knew a lot more, or maybe he was going to spout even more crap, but my stinging hex hit him right in the gut.

He was thrown back and the loud cursing wasn't necessary to make it obvious to anyone new to the scene what I'd done.

"Billie?"

Professor Jubential. "What's going on?" Snape was picking himself up from the floor, still clutching where I'd hit him (possibly just to draw attention to it, not because it still hurt him that badly). I kept quiet, simmering still, and not trusting myself to speak. "Did you just hex him?" I was asked and I nodded. "Are you alright?" He turned to Snape, genuinely concerned because he is a nice person, a professional, and has no idea how much of an arsehole Snape is. Sir sighed and told me to follow him, reminding Snape that if he catches him out past curfew again he'll be giving him a detention also. The also bit threw me a bit, I wasn't actually expecting him to give me a detention, but then again, I didn't really defend my actions.

"I'm guessing it wasn't a secret romantic meeting you were having there." Sir tried to joke, and probe, as he filled out the detention slip back in his office. I couldn't help but feel grateful about the warmth in there compared to the draughty corridors.

"Hilarious." I muttered sarcastically and sir grinned a little.

"Seriously though, what did he say to wind you up that much?"

I don't know why but I really didn't want to tell him. Didn't want to share how childish and easily riled I am, probably. Words like "traitor" and "beast" kept firing around my head and my stomach tightened dangerously when I thought about how the others were going to react, even Sirius. Especially Sirius, I'd just made myself out to be the biggest hypocrite of us all.

"Nothing." It wasn't the best choice of reply but he knew I was lying so it didn't look like I'd hexed Snape for no reason at all. He sighed again and held the completed slip.

"If you tell me what he said I can say it was provoked and not give you this."

"Is that blackmail?"

"Completely."

"But you're a trainee auror."

"You're not exactly a criminal . . ."

I just held out my hand. He sighed. Again. "Your choice. Butterbeer?"

"Please."

I spent the rest of the night marking the really poor quality essays his fourth year classes had churned out and talking about Christmas and the first week or so back. He asked me how school things were so I told him I'd actually been studying and he laughed at that until I demanded to know what was funny. Wonders will never cease, apparently. I told him about Sirius hexing Snape and he made little sympathetic noises when I told him about James.

"James reminds me of when I was at Hogwarts except he's much smarter and a hell of a lot more popular." I frowned, not quite managing to fit an un-cool, James-esque Jubential into my mind's eye.

"You seem to be doing ok now though." I flicked my eyes in the direction of the only new photograph in the room, unframed, so obviously recent, of sir and THE Jen Parker. She was smiling widely, in her England kit so it was likely to have been taken not long before or after we saw him at the quidditch match, and kissing his cheek every now and then, making him blush. In the sofa opposite he blushed too.

"Look, I'd really appreciate it if you could keep that one quiet. For the both of us."

"Of course, none of my business. My Defence teacher just so happens to be dating my idol. No big deal."

"Billie, I'm being serious." I raised my eyebrows at the pun. "Oh shut up!"

When I left, about midnight-ish, detention slip in pocket, I felt slightly better about life in general and surprisingly, I was able to sleep _in my own bed _without any bad dreams. Remarkable, given my last full moon.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about this detention. It's on Monday night and it's with Professor Slughorn – lucky, lucky me. If I don't tell anyone about it then I'm stuck on Monday night although I could just tell them I got it for breaking curfew, but isn't that just lying by omission? Whatever I do I'm going to have to tell Sirius, maybe even apologise to him. Damn.

Well, I'm not going to get anymore sleep now, and neither is he. I'm going to go wake him up.

Or is that cruel?

**9:30am**

Turns out that waking someone who's only had two hours of sleep is only cruel if they mind, which he claimed he didn't (though he was half asleep for the whole conversation so it may not be that reliable).

As I had predicted, the boys were asleep fast asleep; Peter snoring away and James looking beyond comatose through the gap in his curtains. Sirius' bed was boiling and it smelt more grassy and dog-like as it always does the morning after a full moon.

"Missed you." He barely mumbled as soon as I'd finished fidgeting. I didn't know whether he meant in general or just my presence this morning (or if he was talking to a cabbage or something in his sleep) so I didn't comment. He looked so peaceful, no evidence of any bruises or cuts on his face at least, I almost felt guilty for talking to him.

"I need to tell you something . . ." He let out a soft 'mmph' so I thought he'd gone back to sleep until he repeated the sound more forcefully. "I, erm, may have done something a bit hypocritical last night." He opened one eye and stared at me, it made him look oddly like a bird.

"Go on." His voice was thick with sleep and I blushed, feeling guilty again.

"I hexed Snape." That eye shut and my fingertips itched to grab hold of him and make sure he didn't turn away in anger. He didn't move, however, except for a new frown creasing his forehead. "Professor Jubential caught me, gave me a detention because I wouldn't tell him what he said." I couldn't tell what he thought about this because his eyes were shut. Sirius doesn't often let his emotions show in his eyes anyway, I'm just good at reading them.

"What did he say?" Sirius mumbled after a long pause.

"He called Remus and animal." Both Sirius' eyes opened this time, albeit sleepily.

"C'mere." He murmured and I shuffled into his embrace, the sense of relief I felt was ridiculous. I almost smiled despite myself as the smell of grass increased tenfold the closer I got to him. "When's your detention?"

"Monday." I mumbled into his shirt. He seemed to think for a second.

"Tell them it's for breaking curfew. I won't say anything."

"Thank you."

His grip around me tightened for a moment and then he was snaking his arms away. "Sirius-" I began, wanting to let him know that I really was grateful and that I'd missed him a bit too, even if the original sentiment was meant for a cabbage, not me.

"No. Sleep." He almost growled.

I couldn't help but fall back asleep myself.

**27****th**** Jan**

**8:00pm**

Detention.

I shouldn't complain really, it could be a lot worse – for example, I could be scrubbing age-old cauldrons or weighing our repulsive and dangerous ingredients but no, I get to sit and write my diary (sorry, do my Transfiguration essay, which I have actually already completed and is folded up a few pages on so I can whip it out and pretend I'm writing it if Sir asks to see) and try not to laugh at the various scenes unfolding around the table. Professor J unwittingly landed my detention on the same night as this new year's first Slug Club meeting, And really, I have never seen so an uncomfortable, sorry looking bunch.

Slughorn's office is a complete contrast to the dingy dungeons he teaches in, I suppose if I were more partial to green I might even find it bearable. The ceiling's fairly low, painted with scenes from what must be ancient potioneer's lives; there are a lot of cauldrons anyway. There are plush armchairs and squat little tables, but these have all been pushed aside to make room for the long, mahogany table where he and all his guests are sat. Of course, nobody here really likes all the others, they're not here by choice, and that means all they can do is sit as far away from the people they don't like as possible.

The Hufflepuffs (the smallest house group present) were sent up to the top end of the table after Sluggy overheard Lily whisper something to Remus bout how she hoped she didn't have to sit near Dickory. Unfortunately for him that meant he was near me, in my spot where I could "sit and not make a sound", and when the starter came I had a lot of fun turning his melon different shades of mouldy green.

The Slytherins sat closer to the middle of the table with Slughorn right in their midst and Lily placed at his right – unlucky Lils. Remus was the only volunteer to move closer to the Slytherins and he ended up sat right next to Regulus. I swear you could feel the tension rolling off them both when conversation dropped quiet. Slughorn has even glanced their way a couple of times during dinner, possibly to make sure they haven't poisoned each other's pumpkin juice.

The rest of the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors have mixed together at the other end of the table and I can't help but wonder where James would sit were he here. He was invited, being Head Boy and all, but with a solemn face, James informed Slughorn that, rats! He'd promised McGonagall he'd help her file. Rubbish, of course, but once he'd said it he had to make sure it happened. Sirius and I have vowed never to let the image of James, on his knees in the middle of the classroom, begging for any excuse not to go to the Slug Club meeting, be erased from our minds.

"Please Professor! I don't ask much of you!" She scoffed at this, the glint in her usually steely eyes letting me know she was as amused as I was.

"Well, I think it might be beneficial to you, Mr Potter, become on better terms with the staff. Lord knows you'll have to do something special after all the years of hell you put us through."

"But I don't _want_ to be on better terms with Professor Slughorn! He's never liked me and he only wants me for my Head Boy badge!" I had to seriously control my giggles when Sirius whispered "and his body" right in my ear. Hardly appropriate, but McGonagall didn't hear. "Please Professor!" He cried out and finally she nodded, then having to wince as he jumped up and physically hugged her, whooping with glee.

I wonder if he's enjoying himself.

Someone who genuinely does not look like he's having much fun is Ben. He's at the other end of the table to me and is being almost constantly flirted with by a pretty sixth year Ravenclaw whose name I can't remember. I think she used to go out with Gove, their quidditch captain. I can't tell what she's actually saying but he looks like someone's suggested he goes and kisses Slughorn every time she bats her eyelashes at him. If it were me I'd find the look of disgust on his face insulting, but she hasn't even noticed. That or her ego's as hard as a diamond. I caught his eye a few times while she was babbling on and smirked as he glared at my amusement. Poor Ben, his position also means that he can't really talk to any of the others without involving her in the conversation too.

Another person who keeps giving me glances I can only interpret as "HELP!", is Lily. You know, I wish James actually were here, he'd be able to do something to sort it out, it's making me feel ill. Professor Slughorn is _all over _Lily – no joke. He keeps calling her "Babe"; he keeps making unnecessary contact with her, he's had his arm around her shoulder a few times and has even held her hand in what could be classed as a handshake but wasn't; he won't stop praising her and comparing not only everyone in the room, but everyone he's ever known, to her and, earlier this evening, he nearly burnt her arm in his haste to pass the gravy boat to her when she asked. As you can imagine, there was much appropriate arm stroking to "make sure it's ok" after that.

As enviable as Lily is usually. Not now. No.

Slughorn nearly threw Martin out earlier, and I nearly got another detention for laughing. He had turned his attention away from Lily and the Slytherins and asked Emily how she was.

"Dating young Lupin aren't you?" He asked and she glanced up at Remus with a small smile.

"Yes, I am."

"Hmph." Was all Sir said to that and everyone listening's jaw dropped. Remus was given a stern look-over, Sir no doubt clocking the fading ink stain on his tie from too many late night essays and the tattered cuffs of his old school robe. But really, if Remus' appearance is _that _offensive then why invite him, Slughorn? It's not even like he can help it, he can't afford new uniform, his shirt is one of James' we forced him to accept last year. Emily properly glared at Slughorn and clasped hands with Remus. The tension in the atmosphere grew until Martin piped up:

"Merlin Emily, what do you think you're doing going out with _Remus Lupin_? I mean, the least you could do is go out with a prefect who gets amazing grades and is good looking – why are you going out with _that_?"

He finished with a large wink at Remus and it was only because Lily giggled too that Sir didn't string Martin up by his ears and cut off his beater arm with a rusty ladle. Guess who won't be invited next time?

That girl's stroking Ben's arm and he seems quite distraught. Quietly distraught though. Not long left now Ben, we can do this!

**28th Jan **

**10:00pm**

Lily found out about my detention, the real reason behind it, and I've well . . . I've found out a lot about Lily.

She came storming into the changing rooms about half an hour after we'd finished practice. I was helping James draw up the plans for next time, whilst trying to persuade him not to make it too difficult, when she arrived, looking out of breath like she'd been running.

"Hey, what's up?" James asked, as confused as I was, Lily had never set foot in the changing rooms and yet here she was?

"You didn't get detention for breaking curfew." She stated, taking a seat on the bench opposite us. I gulped at the questioning look James gave me. In the end I decided it was better to stick to the truth.

"No I didn't."

"Then why did you lie to me?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't understand and just get mad?"

"So you thought it would be nicer for me to hear it from-" She stopped talking quickly as though someone had severed her vocal chords mid-word.

"Hear it from who?" I asked and watched her turn a little pink. This was turning into another argument, but Lily and I don't argue, we just don't, and I didn't like it one bit.

"Hear what from who?" James rephrased, looking between us both as if he was watching a chaser practice.

"Billie didn't have her detention on Monday because she broke the curfew, she got it because she hexed Se-Snape." James looked at me, conflicted. Of course, he felt betrayed because I had lied to him as well but at the same time, he could understand why I'd kept quiet about it. If I had of told them all they'd have wanted to know what he said and then what would I have done?

"Who told you?" Childishly, I decided that this question meant he was on my side. Lily spluttered.

"That's not the point!"

"Who told you?" A flash of realisation hit me. "It was _him_ wasn't it?" Who else would know? Snape wouldn't have exactly gone back to the Slytherin common room and gloated about it, everyone would have laughed at him and Sir wouldn't have said anything.

"Who?" James was getting frustrated.

"Merlin! Who else? Snape! Lily what the hell do you think you're playing at?"

"What do you mean, what am I playing at?"

"Talking to him again? He's not the same as he used to be – he's not so harmless anymore." Remarkably no-one had really raised their voice yet but in such a secluded setting it could easily become a screaming match.

"Learn that when you hexed him?" She spat.

"No, I learnt that when he all but publicly announced he was going to spend the rest of his life murdering muggles!" There was a silence and then Lily burst into tears, the kind of fat, messy ones that leave you with sore eyes and a runny nose. "Godric, Lily, I'm sorry." She shook her head profusely.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so STUPID. It's just, he just-" She attempted to wipe her eyes. "He said that he wasn't going to do that anymore, and that he just wanted everything to go back to how it was when we were friends." I don't know how James was feeling, but if I was finding it painful to listen to, James must have been in agony.

"When was this?" I asked hesitantly, not fully sure if I wanted the answer because if she'd been sympathising with _him _since the start of the year, I was going to flip my lid.

"Christmas holidays." James answered for her. "You dumped Dic-ggory and were miserable at home with your family, away from us."

"Away from you." She mumbled tearfully.

"Exactly, and there he was, I bet, ready with a speech he's no doubt been preparing since sixth year." Lily and I both cringed. "Look, we talked about this when we became Heads together, you can be friends with whoever you like and so am I but we're both allowed to share our opinions."

"I know your opinion, James Potter." She had stopped crying and did she just _flirt _with him?

"And?" I asked, feeling horribly excluded.

"I'm not going to talk to him." My smile-hiding efforts were in vain. "I can't even believe I bought half of the stuff he was saying!"

"Can you really imagine hanging round with Avery and Mulciber again?" I tried to joke but Lily went deathly pale. Maybe not one of my best.

We walked back up to the castle together in the dark, Lily complaining because she was cold and we were going too slowly and James complaining because he had to lug all the equipment (instruments of torture on a bad day) back by himself and because Lily was complaining but not helping.

"Hey guys," I stopped them whining. "I never knew I never knew you'd actually talked about how you were going to do the whole Head thing. I presumed it was a grin and bear it, do what Lily says situation." James scoffed.

"Of course it's been talked about! Why do you think the Hogwarts prefects are such a well oiled and efficient machine?"

"Because it was a do what Lily says situation?"

"We wrote up an agreement on the first night – unfortunately with a quick quotes quill." Lily informed me with a sly grin. James' face contorted and I laughed.

I really, really need to see that.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So there was unhappiness and then there wasn't. Wish me luck for the next chapter, I've told Alice to be brutal when beta-ing so hopefully between us we'll be able to butcher it into shape.

Remember, roll-on-june -then I can reply to you!


	4. Options

**A/N: **I'm going to put the proper author's note at the bottom of the chapter . . . sharpen your pitchforks then.

* * *

><p><strong>31st Jan<strong>

**5:00pm**

It was Lily's birthday yesterday! She's now 17 and has, rather smugly, joined Sirius as being 'of age'. Although she insisted she didn't want a party or anything, because they always get out of hand, we threw her one anyway. It was fantastic actually, we knew Lily wouldn't feel comfortable with us breaking rules in her name so instead of creating a booze fest and a massive dance floor in the common room where, once the party started, anyone could join in, we found an old classroom and set up a cosy space to have a little gathering. We only decided to invite the people she was closest to in order to avoid any awkwardness in such an enclosed setting, but as it was a secret party it was hard to know exactly who she wanted there.

I decided the guest list should be me, James, Remus, Alice, Frank and Emily and later decided that Sirius and Pete should come as well. (Lily says we need to have serious . . . oh God that pun . . . talks about Padfoot later – I'll get to that)

I'd been stuck for what to get her for her birthday all of last week until, at a loss, I dragged Sirius out to Hogsmede with me and saw _exactly _what I wanted to get her. Surprisingly enough, it was a dress; green and pretty and _exactly _the sort of thing I knew she'd like. She seemed really chuffed with it yesterday morning when I sleepily handed it over.

"Thank you!" She squealed in delight when the wrapping paper came off. I was falling back to sleep at that point and the high pitch jerked me fully awake.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, glad you like it." I yawned and watched as she darted over to the mirror and held it up against herself.

"It's so pretty, aw thank you Bils!" She began to make her way over for a hug but then changed her mind and began rummaging through her trunk; which was fine, I didn't have to move that way. After a short while she pulled out three different pairs of shoes and strode back over to the mirror, brandishing the dress in one hand and the shoes in the other. "It matches _everything_." She sounded shocked that such a garment existed and I tried not to look too pleased with myself.

James bought her some rare potions ingredients she's been wanting for ages, how romantic. Although, I do have my suspicions that he's bought her something else on the sly. Remus gave her a stack of new notebooks and some crisp looking parchment ("Now you can stop stealing mine in Transfiguration!") and Sirius got her some Honeyduke's. It's bad but I can't remember what any of the others got her and I can't be bothered to find out even though it would only involve me poking my head out of my bed-curtains.

I'm not usually in bed this early on a weekend – scratch that, I barely even sleep in my bed! – but I'm hiding. And, although I just _know_ Lily is going to say otherwise, I think I have a good reason to. He wasn't even drunk!

I feel all nervous and slightly ill when I think about it, it's worse than the Broom Cupboard and the Mistletoe incident put together and that is saying _something_. It all happened while I was supposed to be at Lily's party last night.

We were all sat in a loose circle around a table with a steadily decreasing mountain of food piled on top. Conversation, despite the addition of a few people not everyone knows that well, was flowing freely and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

"It's a shame there's no proper alcohol really." Lily commented, tucking into what looked like her sixth cauldron cake.

"Why's that?" Emily, who was sharing one of our transfigured sofas with her, asked with a glance towards Sirius and James. She was right in thinking that surely alcohol could have been procured if Lily wanted it.

"I just hate to think that we're all missing out on Remus' drunken Bowie impression." The boy mentioned nearly choked on his (tenth) chocolate frog in outrage. From my right, his legs sprawled across my lap like a bloody prince or something, Sirius barked a laugh.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Moony spluttered, his cheeks flushing scarlet.

"I think I need to get you drunk." Emily grinned at him and he grew even redder at Alice's purposeful wolf whistle.

"Get in there lad!" Frank added a moment later. They were both on the sofa opposite Lily's and, now I look back on it, it's unsettling to realise that Sirius and I sit together the same way as two people that have been dating for two years do.

Our laughter was called to a halt when the door creaked open by itself. James, who was lording it up in the only armchair while the rest of us shared a sofa, frowned deeply.

"Peeves?" He called out accusingly. There was no reply and for a moment my heart sank, if there was a being that could ruin a whole party, it was Peeves. Then a soft meow split the silence and Lily's face broke into a smile as her rather oddly proportioned cat slinked round the side of James' chair.

"Stumpy!" She cried and Emily started laughing at the appropriate name for the unfortunate little fella. Instead of joining his mistress however, Stumpy made a beeline for Sirius and pounced on his chest. Padfoot tensed up, natural canine reactions.

"Easy, Boy." I nudged him with my foot and James chuckled into his bottle of butterbeer. If the others had heard what I'd said and found it strange, they didn't say anything. Eventually he relaxed enough for Stumpy to settle on his stomach and conversation turned back to planning exactly how Emily was going to get Remus inebriated enough for him to sing for her. Then Sirius swore so loudly I nearly slipped of the sofa in shock.

"OW!" He glared at the cat that was seemingly enjoying digging his claws into Sirius' chest whilst stretching. "Bloody cat! Get off!"

"Sirius Black, don't you _dare _pull his tail!" Lily warned dangerously as Sirius made to yank it.

"If cats' tails fall off they don't grow back like lizards'." Peter reminded us all. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the shock his shout had given me, maybe it was the way he was honestly going to pull the cat off him by its tail, maybe it was the image of Sirius with a giant, scaly lizard in the place of Stumpy; but suddenly I was beside myself with laughter.

There was a kerfuffle as Sirius tried to remove the cat and James tried to help, resulting in too many hands for the job and one disturbed Stumpy. In the end he decided he'd had enough of being prodded and poked and pulled so he simply leapt away and went to curl up next to Lily. Sirius looked mutinously over at his new nemesis and then down at his slightly bloodied shirt. Stumpy had clawed quite deep but I couldn't feel bad for laughing – Padfoot had just had his pride hurt and then refused to sit in the shirt for the rest of the night.

"I'm going to change." He announced bitterly and turned to me with a demanding look. "You're coming with me."

"No, I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm really – oomph!" my protests were cut short as he yanked me up from the sofa and stalked out of the door. "We'll be right back once Padfoot UNTWISTS HIS KNICKERS." I shouted towards his disappearing form.

"Bloody cat." He grumbled as I caught up with him. I laughed again, patting his shoulder in mock sympathy.

"Poor Padfoot." He scowled and poked his tongue out at me, always mature is Sirius Black.

"Actually, er, Billie," He glanced over his shoulder. "I wanted to ask you something." I swear to Merlin, my stomach did an uncomfortable loop the loop. Apart from that though, I stayed relatively calm – he could have just been asking for help plotting a prank, or for my charms notes or something.

"Go on?"

"Well, I need to tell you something really." His voice sounded a bit strained, I gave him a careful look-over and noticed he was full of colour. Not a cold then.

"What's the matter? Are you ok?" I realised what he was going to say a split second before he did. The air suddenly thickened and became harder to breathe.

"Go out with me."

"What?" I choked. Maybe I'd misheard, or misunderstood and he actually meant we should just sneak off to our spot outside the shack in Hogsmeade. "Wha- what?"

"Go out with me." He repeated, almost mumbled this time. I studied him, the regular let's-see-how-far-we-can-bend-the-rules uniform, with spots of blood colouring his slightly crumpled shirt, was in place; his hands were hanging at his sides, clenching and unclenching and slightly sweaty; he was a bright pink colour (not ill, embarrassed.) and Godric, I couldn't bare to look him in the eye.

"What?"

"Billie!" I could understand his frustration, he probably just wanted a yes or no answer so then he could let off a Filibuster's and announce to the rest of the party I'd been thoroughly tricked.

"Why?"

That made him freeze.

"Because, I – I like you. Oh for . . ." The rest of his sentence was lost in muttered curses. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Just don't talk for a minute, OK?" That was fine; I hadn't exactly been a fountain of communication before.

"OK."

"I want you to know . . . You have options." He opened his eyes and stared at me, hard. My heart missed a beat and then seemed to speed up double time to make up for it. "And, no matter what, I'm an option." I guessed it was OK to talk again but took a minute to steady my voice.

"Because you like me?" I didn't have any time to actually try the words out so they felt foreign on my tongue. With a shock I realised the distance between us, or rather the lack of it.

"I love you." He said it with such conviction that I nearly freaked out and ran away. Liking and loving are VERY different things, as is the leap from best friend/fellow marauder/brother to kissing in broom cupboards/boyfriend. And dammit, you'd think I would have noticed, that someone would have noticed and told me. I didn't know what to say to him. It wasn't exactly something I'd considered before, really, not even after Christmas (I guess the, 'I don't want to kiss Sophie, I want to kiss you' makes more sense now), not even after that very insignificant kiss after the full moon in second year, that he might fancy me, love me? It's ludicrous even now. I don't _love_ him, not like that. He's amazing and brilliant and fine, I'll never say it out loud but, he looks like a Greek god and kisses better than Gideon ever did, and I do love him – but only as a brother.

There was that to make me unsure of how to react and the fact that I'm not sure if he's ever been rejected in his life. Many times in all the years I've known him I've thought a good let down was _exactly _what he needs . . . I just didn't want to be the one to have to do it. The whole situation was ridiculous. I was under the impression that unless you were Frank and Alice, or Sammie and Stony, you didn't fall in love with your best friend.

"Look, Padfoot, I'm not . . ." He was very close now, we might as well of been touching. I wasn't aware of anything except how suddenly hard it was to think straight. "I don't think I . . . I feel that way about you, I'm sorry." He locked eyes with me and didn't even move back a little. The only thing I could read from his eyes was that he was trying to read mine.

"That's fine." He lied, "I just want you to know." There was a pause in which I found the most interesting pattern in the marble floor. "Options."

Options. 'Options' means nothing to me, Sirius, nothing. Why he would ever allow himself to be a mere 'option' for someone when he could go out and literally seduce any girl he wanted – even Lily would fall, I bet – doesn't make any sense.

"But-"

"Billie, it's _fine_, nothing changes." I made to protest again. "Look," His voice was low now, like he was letting me in on a huge secret. I suppose he was. "I've felt like this for ages and we've been fine, nothing has to change." I was tempted to ask how long 'ages' was but my stomach flipped at the thought. He was lying again, of course. Everything changes. Maybe not obviously, we've both been fine on the outside today; no-one would have noticed a change but it felt different, like I could feel everything. If there was a human definition of hyper-aware I would have been it today. Every time he spoke I felt like I was hanging on to the last word, searching for some hidden inflection, a deeper meaning. Every time he moved I automatically calculated what he was doing and why. It got to the stage when I didn't even have to glance once to tell exactly what he was doing, I've just been so aware of _him_ everywhere. It's horrible.

I couldn't think of how to fight my corner, there didn't seem to be any point when he seemed to think that pretending everything is just going to be OK was the right thing to do. And, Merlin, it is it's just so . . .

"You, erm, are you off back now?" He asked me after a long pause of me staring at him.

"I-" My throat had clogged up so I cleared it with an unpleasant sounding cough. "Yeah, you're coming too." It was a horrible parody of what he had said back at the party, when everything was easy and the air was palatable.

"I wasn't going to." He admitted and I felt a little curl of anger kill a few of the butterflies in my stomach.

"That's not very fair on Lily is it?"

He breathed a laugh at my scolding face and a little of the tension that had settled over us dissipated.

Thank Godric.

He did return. I hurried back as soon as the conversation ended, prepared to blame my burning face on the fact that Padfoot made me chase after him, I'd fallen over and he'd laughed. It seemed a perfectly adequate excuse but no-one even asked and when he re-joined me on the sofa he kept his feet to himself.

The rest of the party was great and I heard Lily talking to Professor J about what a good time she'd had at breakfast this morning but I couldn't enjoy it fully, not the way I had been doing before. Padfoot's put me on edge.

Dammit! He wasn't even drunk!

**1st Feb**

**9:00am**

"Are you sure you don't fancy him?"

That's what Lily had to offer when I poured out my woes to her last night. No Lily, I'm pretty bloody sure I don't fancy him otherwise I would have said yes, wouldn't I?

I can't deal with this.

**11:00am**

Right.

What I don't like is how nonchalant Lily was when I revealed that Sirius said he had Not-Strictly-Platonic feelings for me (I will not use the L word. It's probably and over-exaggeration anyway.) I was shell-shocked, so why wasn't she? I swear to Merlin, if it's common knowledge that Padfoot has Not-Strictly-Platonic feelings, then I am going to going to go crazy. She could at least have given me a heads up so I could make myself the least desirable person in the school and then he _wouldn't_ have the Not-Strictly-Platonic feelings. No doubt if I'd stopped washing a few months ago then I wouldn't be in this mess. Nah, I'm being stupid. If I didn't wash for three days James would hold a hygiene intervention. There has been a precedent.

Lily also found the gall to tell me off for not saying yes!

I really can't.

**12:00pm**

They've all gone for lunch. They can all go eat on the moon for all I care. Lily came over before they left, we were relaxing in the common room, and her hair fell in a way that meant Sirius, who was lounging in the armchair opposite, couldn't see what she was saying. I lifted the book I was reading up slightly so my lips couldn't be read either.

"Relax Billie!" She grinned. I didn't like it. "I don't know why you're so offended by what I said!"

"You _said _that we'd be an adorable couple!" I spat as loudly as I dared and then added, "You told me off for not saying yes!" Lily shuffled.

"Look, I always got the impression that you liked each other."

"What?" I shrieked far too loudly and Sirius' head jerked to look at me so quickly you'd think it was an involuntary reaction. Some other people were looking too, I think. Lily chuckled and smoothed down a few errant bits of my fringe.

"You flirt." She mumbled after Padfoot returned his interest to whatever book Remus had forced upon him. I gaped.

"I do not! And Sirius would flirt with a dementor." Lily laughed.

"You flirt – I don't know, you've always seemed closer, like there was something else between you both." I huffed at this. Sadly, I know what she means about the something else though, I feel like it's gone AWOL. "You should think about it more." Lily suggested and I tensed up. Was she off her rocker?

"Are you off your rocker?"

"You are. Off your rocker in lurrvvee." I pushed her sharply off the arm of the chair and she fell to the floor with a bang, landing in an undignified heap. Sirius looked up at me and grinned, he knows exactly what's going on – he's nothing if not intelligent. I found it in my to give him an embarrassed grin back.

Lily chose that moment to have a coughing fit in her heap and I glared at her with everything I had.

I can't.

**2:00pm**

Sirius brought me back two of those delicious pasties the elves had made and then spent an hour pointing out all the mistakes in the star chart I supposedly finished last night. I suppose you have to take the good with the bad. I really wish he'd sat next to me, or opposite, rather than slightly behind, I feel like I should at least be able to see what he's doing if I'm going to be so aware of it all the time.

We're going on a kitchens trip tonight, all the boys and I. That'll take my mind off Sirius. Hopefully. Maybe instead of not washing I could start eating like a pig. I hate it when people do that.

Oh goody. James has suggested we all go for a walk by the lake and make ice sculptures of each other. Sirius pulled my name out of Lily's woolly hat.

Can't.

**9:00pm**

The eating like a pig thing was a non-starter. How I thought I was going to make myself look like a disgusting eater in a group with four teenage boys escapes me.

Everything seemed normal. Maybe he wasn't completely lying when he said it was all going to be OK.

Maybe that's one of my options.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Right.

First off, I'd like to thank the **two **amazing people who beta-d this chapter and really, honestly helped me out with this, **FezzesRCool25 **(who still hasn't typed up her Billius fic - so from now on I'll be having the letters **GAMOA**, get a move on Alice, somewhere in my author's note until she does) and, although we had technical difficulties, **Yune - The Ravenclaw Writer** :) I still hate the chapter but it's far better than before.

Secondly, I really need to know what you guys think/feel about this because it's a massive plot thing and everything happens from here and the next chapter now - everything. So let me know, PLEASE **REVIEW**! Even if you think that what you want to say is going to sound like a flame, just go for it I need to know.

(plus there was a spider on my bed this morning.

A spider,

on my bed,

this morning.

You're all lucky I've plucked up the courage to actually sit on my bed and update . . . I cried for about ten minutes this morning and I have no idea how I'm supposed to get to sleep tonight)


	5. Let's Do This

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY!**

* * *

><p><strong>3rd Feb<strong>

**2:00pm**

Brilliant, exciting news!

I was just relaxing in the library with Remus and the Ravenclaw lot (Ben and I were allowed back in by Madam Pince on the condition that out behaviour was exemplary), when James came hurtling towards the table, his smile so wide you could probably fit the entire charms section of the library in there.

"Billie!" He gasped, not out of tiredness, I would bully him forever if that was the case, but because of how amazing his news was.  
>"Calm down, James!" Remus warned and Emily giggled at his flushed face. "Sit down or something!"<br>"Never!" He immediately began piling all the items that had my handwriting on, including Ben's work that I had doodled on mercilessly, into my bag.

"Oi. What do you think you're doing?"  
>"I have amazing news, you need to come and see!" I gave Ben a despairing look and he grinned slightly. Only slightly though, James was technically stealing half of his work.<br>"Dare I ask why you can't just tell me?"  
>"Not the same. Come on."<br>"Now?" I half whined.  
>"Yes bloody now, get a shift on!"<br>"You've been told, Billie." Emily was on the verge of laughing, as were the boys, but Jade appeared to be glaring at James as if she were Lily Evans. Although she's beginning to tolerate me, it seems James is too close to Sirius for her liking.

Grudgingly, I heaved myself up from the position I'd been sat in for the past three hours and stretched.  
>"See you later guys." I grumbled, just catching my bag as he threw it a foot to my left.<br>"Reflexes Billie, you're gonna need 'em!"  
>"Get lost. At least I can run to the library without gasping for breath!"<br>"Are you calling me unfit?" He froze, scandalised and Remus' soft chuckle reached my ears. I raised my eyebrows and he scowled. "Right! You brought this on yourself! Let's go!"

And with that he grabbed my hand and we went tearing down the corridors, me trying to mirror his footsteps to avoid falling over. We had a few near misses with a gaggle of 2nd years and Wormtail was nearly sent sprawling as we turned the corner near the humpbacked witch passage that leads into the Honeyduke's cellar.  
>"You better save me a chocolate frog!" I called back to his dazed face.<p>

At last we reached wherever James was leading me, a rather unremarkable stretch of corridor near the Great Hall. A group of students were huddled round a pinned up square of parchment. They parted, all whispering excitedly as James pushed me towards it.

_Students, staff and the extremely fortunate Gryffindor quidditch team,__It is my absolute pleasure to announce that as the upcoming tournament nears, the players involved from all over Europe have been granted the opportunity to train with professionals from their country. Because of this, the current England Quidditch team will be arriving on the 5__th__ February to begin training with our champions. _

Professor

_Dumbledore_

I stood in shock for a few seconds . . . Then the crowd had to part again as I literally threw myself at James, probably knocking the wind out of him.  
>"OH MY GODRIC!" I cried and the crowd stopped whispering to grin at my reaction. "Jen Parker, James!"<br>"There are other members of the team, Billie." He grumbled a little, rubbing his side, but altogether unable to keep the smile off his face.  
>"But Jen Parker, James!" I couldn't explain the significance of THE Jen Parker coming to Hogwarts. Sir was going to be over the moon. I am over Neptune. In fact, I've gone through one of those black hole things and come out the other side. THE Jen Parker. I am going to be playing quidditch with THE Jen Parker. Merlin, what if I can't talk to her? What if she tries to talk to me and all that comes out is a mumbled nothing? What if she tries to talk to me and all that comes out is "I love you, don't ever stop playing quidditch"? What if I fall off my broom when she's around? I don't know if I can do this.<p>

I'm going to go see what James says.

**7:00pm**  
>James, it transpires, was having exactly the same worries, but not just about Jen Parker, about the whole team. I shuffled in to the boys' dorm to find Sirius laid out on his bed and James pacing, reeling off some monologue.<br>"Hey, Bills," Padfoot greeted me, "Don't tell me you've turned into a neurotic because of the quidditch too?" I nodded with a small smile but couldn't help but think darkly that the quidditch wasn't the only thing making me neurotic.

"Billie. What am I going to DO?" James grabbed me and Sirius sat up sharply.  
>"What are you going to do? What am I going to do?" I moaned. I distinctly heard Sirius huff and lay back down.<br>"You're both crazy."  
>"I'm not crazy." James dropped me to go and sit on Sirius' stomach.<br>"I'm passionate." I finished and plonked myself down on his legs.  
>"You're both crazy. And heavy. Crazy and heavy."<br>"Yeah? Well you're ticklish."

In the end James and I were threatened with being peed on. I have never heard Sirius squeal so loudly.

**7:00pm**

Dumbledore mentioned the arrival of the England team at dinner. His phrasing was almost exactly the same as in the note so the team are still a teensy bit apprehensive about what we're actually going to be doing, but it was great to see the happily shocked looks dawn on the faces of the people who'd shut themselves away from civilisation all afternoon. Including Ben, it seemed, he gave me a small thumbs up and a grin when he caught me laughing at his surprised gasp.

"Sammie!" I shouted over while people were clapping and cheering. "JEN PARKER!" Sammie squealed with delight (someone understands me!) and we didn't realise how loud we were until:

"Yes, Miss Potter, Jennifer Parker will also be in attendance." The whole hall turned to stare at me but I grinned rather than blushed and Sirius patted me fondly on the head. I dared to glance up at Professor J and he battled a smirk. He'd be having a much better time if his maybe-girlfriend, who he won't usually see because she's always off with England or the Harpies, is in Hogwarts.

Everyone's really hyped up now, I was told that I was lucky and that the Gryffindor team are going to be even better now that we get to train with professionals by about ten different people on the way back up to the common room. The Gryffindors there naturally started demanding a party and, although this is definitely something to celebrate and I would happily go and shout it from the rooftop of the Astronomy tower, I don't really feel like having a party. Neither did any of the rest of the team apparently, if Sammie's urgent "Say no, now" in Lily's ear was anything to go by.

"I know why you didn't want a party." Lily lured me into conversation as we headed up to the dorm together.

"And why's that?" I was interested to know what she thought as the only reason I knew why I didn't want a party was because I didn't.

"It's because," She lowered her voice, "You don't want to see Sirius getting off with anyone." The shock of what she said made me stop still. Then I burst out laughing.

"Oh Lily, that's a good one!"

"What? Why? I'm being serious!"

"You really think that?" Sure if we had had a party and Sirius had decided to spread whatever cold is going round at the moment, I would have found it unpleasant. It would have been unpleasant to the extent that I would have left because, really, who admits to having Not-Strictly-Platonic feelings for someone and then goes and kisses everyone? But the thought hadn't occurred to me, so Lily was wrong. Kind of.

"Yes, I really think that!" I sniggered again and she batted my arm.

"It didn't even occur to me Lils." She could tell I was being truthful even though she can't tell when I'm not.

"But you admit you wouldn't like it if he did go and kiss half of Gryffindor."

"He already has." I pointed out fairly and then decided that if I wanted her off my back then I was going to have to let her have that minor victory. "No, I wouldn't like it, I never have."

"-Because you like him." She spoke so quickly it could have been part of my last sentence.

" . . . Because I care about him and it's unhealthy?"

She only smirked at that as if it's proof of my hidden affection for him. It's not, but if Sirius was being, well, serious, the other day then I can understand why he might have felt jealous enough to go and burn my letter to Gideon.

Not that it makes it OK.

**4th Feb**

Padfoot's just gone and landed himself in detention, the idiot. It's one of those times where I should be really angry at him for doing a stupid thing but I secretly approve so I can't shout at him properly. For the record, I have tried.

We were just walking to DADA like usual and I was ignoring the looks of envy and bitterness on the faces of most people. It's because of this quidditch thing (not because I was walking with Sirius, I think), people are jealous that we're going to be training with the England team so have become quite hostile. As Sirius and I turned the 3rd floor corridor, greeting Nearly Headless Nick, a large form slammed into my side, knocking the wind out of me. It was a Slytherin fifth tear whose face I recall vaguely but whose name I don't know.

"Watch it!" He growled and my mouth dropped open. In a sudden flurry of movement, Sirius had pinned the boy up against the wall and had drawn his wand, pressing the tip of it into the Slytherin's neck.

"You watch it." Padfoot snarled and I gathered enough sense to step forward and try to pull him off.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" I grabbed his arm but he didn't loosen his grip.

"Mr Black!" A voice thundered down the corridor, followed by brisk footsteps. I sighed and stood down. Sirius dropped the boy almost reluctantly. "What do you think you're doing?" It was McGonagall, unluckily enough, the Slytherin guy started to mumble something but a glare from me soon shut him up.

"I was just on my way to Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor." McGonagall's stern – no, fuming – gaze flickered to me and I shook my head sadly. I wasn't about to try and defend Sirius when she'd just seen me trying to pull him off a fifth year student. I'm not stupid!

"And-? No actually, I don't want to know anything more, Mr Black. At your age you should know that assaulting another student is against the rules." Sirius' jaw clenched and I just knew he was dying to tell her that it's hardy the worst rule he's ever broken. "Detention, with me, 7pm tomorrow." My stomach twisted horribly.

"But that's when the team arrive . . ." As soon as I'd spoken, I wished I hadn't. They both turned to look at me as if I'd suggested we all go live with the Merfolk and the Giant Squid in the Great Lake. So what? I'd wanted him there to _figuratively _hold my hand. And now he's gone and been caught doing a stupid thing so I have to face them without him!

"Sure." He replied coolly and Professor McGonagall gave him a disappointed look that mirrored how I felt.

"Late! Laaaaaaate!" Professor Jubential sang as we walked into the classroom in a stony silence. His light hearted grin (of course, Jen's arriving tomorrow) did little to alleviate my bad mood. Everyone was already sat down and waiting to begin, Lily winked at me and I rolled my eyes at her. "Should I give you both a detention?" It was a joke but I really wasn't in the mood anymore.

"He's already got one." Sirius glanced back at me with a scowl as he led the way to our seats at the back and James quirked up an eyebrow as I shoved his bag off my seat and onto the floor.

"Bad mood?" He asked, cocky as ever.

"Get lost."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Leave her alone, James." Sir intervened and then clapped his hands together briskly. "Who can tell me about swamps?"

Idiot – B

I threw the note in his general direction and listened to him huff as he read it.

_You secretly approve – S_

You can get lost as well - B

When I dared to look up at him he was grinning. I shook my head at him and leaned on my hand so he couldn't see the grin forming on my face too. Idiot, I'm not supposed to find this situation funny.

I just don't understand why he felt the need to smash the Slytherin kid up against the wall and threaten him. I'm stopping myself from obsessing over whether he would have done the same thing before he admitted to the NSP feelings because _I don't know. _It sort of feels like he's trying to prove something and I _hate _that! I'd much rather he was there tomorrow to stop me from making a complete fool out of myself in front of my idols than him proving that he's got my back or whatever by assaulting anyone who so much as glares at me.

I can't exactly say that to him though, can I?

**5th Feb**

**6:45pm **

I'm sweating. And sweating. And the last three times I asked someone something I had to restart the question a couple of times to get it out right.

I'm going to pretend that I haven't been in this state all day and that it's actually all Professor Jubential's fault for make me nervous.

For some reason, and rumour has it that McGonagall told him off for getting us all excited, he thought it be a grand idea to pop up to the common room about an hour ago and announce that the team had arrived. We were sitting around, waiting and sharing stories about the players – deciding which ones we thought were true or not. Everyone seemed certain that when the papers claimed that Jen Parker and Dom Clarkson (Captain, chaser, and star of many girls' fantasies) were secretly together, it was true. I didn't say anything on the topic, there's no way I'm going to break my promise to Sir for some idle gossip. I'm not like that.

Everyone went silent when he strolled in, partly because teachers never come to the tower unless we're in trouble, partly because of how wired we all were.

"Evening all!

"Everything alright, Sir?" James asked, leaning towards the voice he uses for Head Boy things. Bless him.

"They're arrived." He got straight to the point with a sly grin and the thrumming silence snapped into excited conversation and numerous questions.

"Billie, you've gone white." Remus looked over his book at me, highly concerned. Lily pressed a cool hand against my forehead before I could it shake it off.

"You're a bit clammy." She noted and though I suddenly felt faint and sick and both too hot and too cold and the same time I was able to assure them how fine I was with a straight face. It was probably transparent to Remus and I was lucky James was chattering to Sir about tonight's procedures or I wouldn't have been let off the hook that easily.

Sirius went off to his detention about ten minutes ago. He's not strictly due until seven but I think he was eager to get out before I threw up, or cried. Can't say I blame him.

"You're going to be fine." He half whispered before he left. He'd given up on harassing Sir for details and had joined me and Lily on the sofa we'd pinched from a handful of third years when they went up to the dorms to get something. Well, first he sat on the floor, resting against my knees instead of on the perfectly comfortable sofa, causing Lily to smirk briefly, but then James made his way over and he decided to take the seat next to me before James could have it. Defensive sitting, it's all the range. "They're going to love you."

And NSP confessions aside, all I wanted to do was curl up in the folds of his school robes and stay there for a long period of time. Maybe indefinitely.

"What time are you back?" Was a much more sensible question than: please can we sneak out to our hide out near the shrieking shack?

"'Bout nine?" He shrugged. "Maybe earlier if I can sweet talk Minnie."

"I'll wait up then." James cut in with a wink. Sirius grinned and ran a hand through James' hair.

"You'd better."

And with a wave he was out of the common room, leaving me seriously debating whether to run out after him and ask him to truant with me or not. Then James called an emergency team meeting out in the quiet of the corridor and everyone agreed to be experiencing the same symptoms as me. I decided to stay and provide moral support. Peter looked like he was going to faint.

We're all sitting together at the end of the table, closest to the staff table, James has decided. I think he was tempted to get us all the wear our quidditch robes but Sammie managed to persuade him out of that, thank Merlin. I think people going to be staring at us enough.

Crap. The time.

I think I just have to focus on not being sick.

And not crying.

Let's do this!

**8:00pm **

Oh my sweet Hippogriff balls.

Just.

Let me die. Right now. And I will die a completely happy soul. I may return as a ghost, actually, to tell people how happy I was when I died.

I did it. I didn't throw up, it really would have been a shame if I had because the food tonight was absolutely spot on; and I didn't cry, and if I had cried on any of their suits or on Jen's dress I would never have been able to show my face ever again.

The hall was already quite full when we got there, a little early. Usually no-one can be bothered to arrive until about five past seven but there seemed to be plenty of pairs of eyes on us as we made our way to the far end of the table. James got the job of asking the (adorable) firsties to move slightly further up because of his "Head Boy charm". Martin's words, not mine.

"I don't have any Head Boy charm!" James tried to protest and we all couldn't help but laugh when Emmeline added:

"Well, Dumbledore seems to like you!" Bless her, she was obviously trying not to be too excitable tonight after the words James has had with her about it. Still, she was easily the most hyped of us seven and I have genuine nail marks when she gripped my hand too tight when she first got a glimpse of them.

The cheers and whoops in the hall as they entered were astounding. Not quite the noise you'd get at an England match, but a few of the players looked slightly taken aback.

Dom Clarkson walked in first. Well, strutted in would be a more accurate description. Godric, I'm glad Sirius wasn't there.

"Is it me, or has he gotten about ten times more attractive since the championship last summer?" I whispered to Emmeline. Quite skilfully actually, I managed to do it discreetly but without taking my eyes off his face.

"I didn't think it were possible!" She squeaked back. Neither did I if I'm honest. He's tall, perfectly tall, with dark hair and brown eyes I'm certain you could melt in without much effort. Problem is, he's an arse. Every interviewer who's ever met him has hinted so. He looks like a God – quidditch muscles (chaser muscles) and that face . . . but he's an arse. James caught me staring, maybe a little too obviously and elbowed me in the side.

"Really?" He asked with a slightly repulsed look.

"Get lost." I didn't blush.

Next out of the side door was Jude Farrer. He's and amazing chaser, amazing. A little older than Dom and Jen but with that he's also a hell of a lot more experienced. His playing at Christmas was faultless, even Dad said so and he's the toughest judge I know. James nudged me again and tapped his nose so I elbowed him back. Jude broke his nose in a fight that almost ruined his career. He wasn't actually fighting, I refuse to believe it, he was trying to split two players up. It was only because of his injury he managed to avoid the suspension everyone else got. Still, I can imagine he's still prickly about it.

"Don't pee yourself!" James warned as Jen Parker stepped out. She just looked so beautiful and perfect and is so amazing. She was wearing this black dress and, Merlin, she has a body to die for – right, because of my Potter genes I'm skeletal, there's nothing there, and it's really not cool if you ever want to fill a dress like that. Eurgh, Lily's exactly the same as Jen. They repulse me. I noticed her glance up at Sir as she walked across to stand in front of the staff table and the smile he dared return was so adorable, I couldn't help grinning. I had a look around to see if anyone else noticed the exchange but most of the boys, including James, may I add, were looking at Jen and most of the girls were still checking out Dom Clarkson.

Next out was Jimmy Wimberly, the team's keeper. He hasn't been on the team for very long the old keeper retired this time last year, but according to interviews and the way he is on the pitch, he's a really nice guy. He's quite short for a keeper, stocky, and with a shock of ginger hair – I think all Professor J's friends must be ginger, like Arthur Weasley. When Jimmy clocked him at the staff table he gave a delighted grin and reached up to shake his hand. As if sir needed anything to make him more popular.

Jimmy was followed out by Billy Frances, one of the team's beaters. He too is short and well built but unlike Jimmy he has a rather tough exterior, a cross-me-at-your-own-peril kind of posture. His beater partner, Drew Lambert looked really quite scared as he took his place with the team. He's the youngest, I think he left Hogwarts the year before we arrived, so he's been dubbed the 'baby' of the team in the same way Peter is the baby of ours. When he reached Billy the latter stuck out a hand and ruffled Drew's dishwater hair to steady him a bit.

The last of the team was James' favourite, seeker Aaron Kirke. The noise in the hall erupted once again when he first arrived due to his amazing catch at Christmas. He too, gave sir a light grin and nearly tripped up the step on his way to join his team.

"Merlin." James breathed to himself.

"Don't pee yourself." I supplied.

Finally the team were joined by their coach whose last name I know to be Mirfield or something. I think he used to be a chaser for Puddlemere, I would guess so judging by the way he's built anyway. He's still quite compact for a chaser though, with a large beak-ish nose and white hair so short it looks like it could just be stubble, but on top of his head. He definitely looks like the type of person you wouldn't want to disappoint. I'm almost nervous.

Once everyone had settled down and the team had given each other shady looks until they'd decided who was going to speak, Jimmy Wimberly stepped forward with an easy smile.

"Um, evening everybody . . ." There was a quiet rumble of laughter at his obviously unprepared greeting. "We're obviously the England quidditch team, that's Dom, Jude and Jen, our chasers, Billy –smile Billy- Drew, they're our beaters, Aaron, our seeker, Coach and, er, me, Jimmy and I'm keeper. We're all really happy to be here, well, back here, and we're looking forward to seeing the standard of quidditch you guys have got to, er, to show." He paused for a second before spinning round to look at Dumbledore. "How do you do this?" Dumbledore chuckled but his reply about lots of practice was lost under another wave of laughter.

"What he's _trying_ to say," Dom Clarkson stepped forward with a meaningful look towards Jimmy. "Is that we're all thrilled to be here and that we can't wait to get out and get training with you guys." He nodded in our direction with a rather organ-stopping smile. Emmeline's nails were back in action. "And see that we wind this tournament!"

"Or do our best, which is equally as important." Jimmy added with a cheeky grin. Both Jen and Professor J looked like they were repressing laughter, must be an inside joke. "I think we'd best be off before we show ourselves up completely, a few of us are staying in the castle for the duration of the tournament so don't have a heart attack if you see us around, come and say hi! Watch the step Az." Aaron blushed and followed the coach out of the little side door to cheering and clapping. The hall at once burst into frenzied conversation.

At our end of the Gryffindor table we all took a minute to just _breathe_.

"Is everyone OK?" I asked, extracting Emmeline's claws from my palm. Everyone nodded in assent, Emmeline blurted out a few apologies, but I clocked Peter looking a bit shaken. "Mini Goldsburg?" He smiled weakly at the use of the nickname.

"The coach." He looked unsure whether to say anything, "He looks really strict – it might just be me but-"

"-Totally there with you!" Sammie exclaimed, reaching over for a high five. "I think he looks scary and I go out with John."

"Stony by name and nature." Martin added with a grin and John's protests were cut short as Dumbledore rose to comment on what exciting times were ahead before reminding us to be on our best behaviour and dismissing us all from the hall with the usual 'Toodle pip!'.

James, of course, was in full quidditch mode when we followed the masses out of the hall but I honestly just wanted to some time to clear my head a bit before I had to go and talk quidditch with the entire Gryffindor house.

"You can bore me with your plans?" Martin offered as James screwed up his face at my proposed 'away from the tower' walk.

"Bore you?"

"Whoops, did I say that?" They both grinned and James waved me good bye as I turned off down a different corridor. I started walking in the direction of transfiguration, hoping maybe to catch Sirius on his way out of detention. That's when it happened.

"Billie! Billie Potter!" An unfamiliar voice called out. I spun round and quite nearly choked. It was her. It was Jen Parker. _And she knew my name_. My mouth fell open and she smiled warmly, continuing forwards until we were within conversation distance.

"Hi." I said after swallowing a few times and still managed to sound strangled.

"Hi, it is Billie, isn't it?" I nodded dumbly. "Jennifer Parker, Jen-"

"I know." Somehow slipped out and I felt my face burn. Luckily, she laughed.

"Dave's been telling me about you – Dave, er, Professor Jubential." She must have seen the confusion on my face. Dave (David?) Jubential, it kinda fits. "Probably shouldn't call him Dave in front of the students . . ." There was a too-long pause in which I stared at her, probably looking creepily in awe, and she slowly blushed. Somewhere amongst my mental ramblings, I realised, with a jolt, how rude I must look.

"Merlin, sorry! It's just- I'm just a bit . . . You're you!"

"Dav- Dammit! Professor Jubential said you were a fan." She looked like she wanted to laugh.

"This is insane." I pointed out rather than admitting that yes, I am a fan, I love you. Jen laughed properly.

"You have no idea, I never thought I'd come back here." She looked around fondly at the stone walls and the portraits, whom were watching us with avid interest. "I've missed this place so much."

"Home." I said. Merlin, she must have thought I was stupid! But she nodded.

"Exactly! OK, please stop looking so star struck!" I choked. "Really, I promise I'm normal." She seemed amused at my shock, it was hard to breath. "By the end of the tournament, you and I are going to be thick as thieves."

"This is really insane." Again, I thought that was better than expressing my love for her. I honestly felt like I was going to float up to the ceiling when she said that.

"Get used to it!" She grinned, "I'm going to let you get back to the tower. Try to get a good night's sleep though, I have a feeling coach is going to call a practice tomorrow and eat something at every meal!" She looked me over, probably deciding something about the way I play from the way I was stood. They get taught to do that apparently. With another grin, she stepped forward. "C'mere."

And I was pulled into a brief hug. I hugged Jen Parker! I like how she said she was going to 'let me get back' like I wasn't more than willing to stand in the corridor all night and listen to her talk. I hugged Jen Parker. "I'll see you tomorrow, most likely. Sleep and eat, and tell the rest of your team to do the same, alright?"

"Of course." I replied as she released me. Anything you wish. "I'll see you tomorrow." Never, ever did I think I'd say that to Jen Parker.

"Night, Billie." And she turned and walked back the way she had come; which, in hindsight, means that she turned down the corridor just to talk to me. I feel quite sick thinking about that. With a few steadying breaths, I watched her blonde hair disappear round the corner and made to continue on down to transfiguration.

"Bills?" This voice was much more familiar.

"I just hugged Jen Parker!" I cried as I hurtled towards Sirius, wrapping my arms around his middle in excitement and taking a little pleasure in his surprised exhale. I've been shocked enough tonight, it's only fair I share the feeling. Grinning broadly, Sirius untangled my arms and held me at arms length, taking in the crazed look in my eyes and I think I was shaking.

"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?"

It would be a long night. But Jen Parker has told me and the rest of the team to sleep. James has to patrol but he's called a ten thirty curfew for the team in light of what I've been told.

Apparently I have a choice of sleeping with James or Sirius as Lily's too soft on me and they want to make sure I sleep. I tried to protest, it's not like I'm some five year old who can't be trusted not to stay awake for the tooth fairy or something.

However, I'm not being funny, but James kicks. And snores.

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><p><strong>AN: **Please, please forgive me for not updating in a month. I was waiting on my beta and she was busy and it's exam season and jbngljbkjfngiang. I'm **so sorry. **The next chapter **has been written**, it just needs beta-ing and I'll get it up as soon as possible, I'm sorry! (I love you.)


	6. Butterfingers

**A/N:** Hello everyone, sorry it's taken ages for this update (again) I'm so sorry, I need to find a way of updating quicker for you guys because you're all so brilliant for still following this! I'll tell you now that the next chapter has been written and I'm typing it up and sorting out the plot tonight so _hopefully _the next update won't take so long.

Also, MAJOR thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. If I didn't reply to your reviews as I would usually do it's because I'm up to my neck in exams and if my parents see me on my emails they make snarky comments about me not revising and I get really angry so it's not worth it. _But thank you, I love you all :)_

__Beta'd by **FezzesRCool25,** thanks dear, now beta my Sherlock ;)

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><p><strong>6th Feb<strong>

**7:00pm**

Great griffins. This is going to be Hell. I remain surprised that nobody has turned on anyone in the changing rooms and blamed them for winning the inter-house tournament because, quidditch stars aside, we really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

Everyone was excited when we were getting changed beforehand. I'd had a full night's sleep under the watchful eye of Padfoot (at least until I kicked him in the shins) and I've eaten as I usually would on a practice day. So I was fully ready to go and play some great quidditch. Emmeline and Sammie got me to relay my meeting with Jen to them, both commenting on how lucky I was to have already met her and how lovely she seems and they each gave me their predictions as to what practice was going to entail. Neither of them guessed correctly, let's put it that way.

We were met by the whole team and 'Coach' on the pitch. It was so cold today, which is a miracle in itself, we would have frozen to death the amount of time we were stood around waiting.

"Line up!" Coach barked at us and the loose huddle we were in fell into a line with ease. "My name is Zadoc Mirfield, but you will call me Coach or Sir at all times, understood?" We all nodded silently. My eyes flickered to Peter. "I'm going to go down the line and you're going to tell me your name, full name, and position." He pointed at Martin who was on the far right of me.

"Martin Goldsburg, beater." Coach gave him a quick look over with his piercing blue eyes before nodding for Sammie to speak.

"Samantha Wills, chaser."

"John Stones, chaser."

"Peter Goldsburg, beater." Coach's eyes flew back to Martin and then back to Peter distastefully. I observed the looks on the faces of the England team. Most of them, Jen included, looked genuinely interested in learning our names. Aaron Kirke, the seeker, was repeating them under his breath to help him remember. Dom Clarkson, however, looked noticeably bored. Sorry, but he really is an arse.

"Emmeline Vance, keeper."

"Keeper?" Coach repeated doubtfully. I battled the urge to spit out a sarcastic comment; no she's a seeker, she just lied to you because she could? Emmeline looked towards James briefly for support and he shrugged minutely. I know why he asked, it's because girl keepers are very rarely seen in amateur quidditch and almost never at a professional level He's never seen our Emmeline defending the hoops though, has he?

"Yes, Sir." He nodded once before turning his eyes on me. I vowed to meet them as steadily as I could manage, slightly angry at his almost slur towards Emmeline.

"Billie Potter, chaser." I locked eyes with him and he stared right back. For a moment I could have sworn he was going to say something to me but it passed and he merely nodded again.

"James Potter, seeker."

"Captain?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Listen up!" Coach began loudly. We were already listening anyway. "I am not here to be your friend and, however charming and solicitous they," He jerked a thumb behind him at the England team, who straightened up a bit. "Might be, they are not here to pal up with you either." He spoke as if the idea personally offended him. "I am here to make you into a team that might actually stand a chance when faced with older, more experienced players who have been hand picked from the countries' quidditch academies. Make no mistake, it is easy, terrible easy, to win a school cup, playing against people who are your level and who you've been playing for years. This tournament is something completely different and it is going to test you physically, mentally and emotionally until you break or you win."

I glanced across at Jen and she gave me a reassuring smile and mouthed the words 'every year'. My grin earned me a glare from Coach. "There are two sets of siblings on this team and at least one couple." _A least one couple_, what? "I can train you up to a professional standard but I don't yet trust sibling rivalry not to break out."

He continued talking but I think I zoned out a little bit. What was he trying to say? Obviously we all needed to be a team and work as a team throughout the tournament but I can't imagine any amount of pressure making us lose the group dynamic that sailed us this far. We all love each other and we're all rocks for everyone else. I would have thought that a coach would try to inspire us, to give us hope and drive for the practices, not listing off exactly how hard this tournament is going to be for us." It's not like we have the option to drop out either.

This is basically how he said 'it's going to be':

Practice will be every other night unless we are told otherwise. Failure to attend that practice will have severe consequences (I think by that he meant as in removal from the team, but at the way things have gone today, I'm not 100% sure that wouldn't be a bad thing)

We are required to do some form of physical activity every day.

"Because none of you," He addressed the group but stared straight at Sammie, "Have the level of fitness required to train with me." I felt an unpleasant twist in my stomach.

As well as group practices, a second practice with the England team member we have been paired up with is required.

This is probably the only good thing that's happened today. I've been paired up with Jen! She must have known when she told me we were going to be 'thick as thieves' last night. I'm going to be spending a good few months with time in the company of Jen Parker, THE Jen Parker! It's almost enough to make me forget how the coach is.

Finally, we will be given compulsory readings – this week's is Quidditch Through the Ages – every week and will be asked to use the information gleaned to put forward suggestions for the team.

The last demand sounds ridiculous to me but Drew Lambert, the young beater, mentioned that he'd read Quidditch through the ages about twenty times in the last year or so.

"It's not the most gruelling read." He said as an explanation.

"Yeah, wait until coach has you reading higher level defensive passes! All 3000 pages of it." Aaron Kirke joked (I hope), with a mischievous glint in his eyes, earning him a dirty look from Coach. At that point Dom Clarkson named a 'quidditch themed' _magazine _which led to Jen hitting him on the arm and the rest of the ream holding back snickers.

"Why are you laughing, John?" Sammie asked in a jokingly deadly voice. Everyone start d laughing and Coach seemed peeved at the loss of control.

I swear I have never ached so much in my life. He had us doing timed laps around the field and difficult circuits to test our fitness and then (finally!) had us up and flying, catching and throwing and diving. At one point I thought Sammie was going to fall off her broom, she looked so beaten. It was Jimmy Wimberly who had the sense to pull her over and force some water down her. Coach just watched on, looking scarily eagle-like with his beaky nose and piercing eyes.

"Why did he look at me when he said that none of us were fit enough to train with him?" Sammie asked to the mirror when we were getting changed to head back to the castle.

"I didn't see him looking at you Sammie." I lied, pulling the most innocent face I could muster at Emmeline's quick glance my way. Because I don't know, I don't know why he looked at her when he was supposed to be addressing the group, and I'm not having her dwell on it.

Is it bad that I feel most of the physical, mental and emotional pressure is going to come from our coach?

Maybe the Hufflepuffs should have won; maybe we should have let them, because I'd just love to know what he'd have to say about them when he's seemingly able to find some hidden fault with our team.

With _my _team.

**9:30pm**

Managed to wrangle a fairly normal evening after the pretty bad first practice today. I completely avoided the tower when we were done, hiding out in the changing rooms and writing about the practice until I was sure there was nobody hanging around I'd have to be polite and enthusiastic with if I bumped into them, I went up to the library hoping to find Remus and that lot there.

I got stopped about three times on my way, being asked the questions I was trying to avoid by staying out of the Gryffindor tower. "How was it?", "What are they like?", "Was it hard work?". Fortunately, despite the hair, being a Potter automatically grants you access to a perfect, winning grin whenever you need it. "Great thanks!", "They're all lovely!", "No, not much harder than usual!". The library was quieter than usual and I was able to slip past Madam Pince without her commenting on the state of disarray my uniform was in. Remus, Emily, Jade and Ben were all sat at the usual table; they looked like they were crawling through the potions essay.

"Merlin." Emily commented as I approached and took the seat next to Ben. Remus glanced up and smirked.

"Dead?" He asked.

"Dying, by the looks of it." Emily answered for me. "Was it really that bad?" I managed a nod.

"It's going to be Hell. Absolute Hell. The coach is insane, I think, crazy." Deep down I knew that I probably shouldn't be complaining to them about it, especially in the library where anyone could overhear, so I shut up.

"It'll probably get better." Ben offered and I gave him a weak smile.

They were already a good way through their potions work despite the slow pace and there was no point in me trying to catch up, I would have felt bad distracting them.

"I'm off to get a book, anyone need anything?"

"I do," Ben stood up after me, "But I'll come with you so you don't get lost." Remus and Emily chuckled and, as per, Jade ignored me.

"I don't get lost!" I protested, but his hands were already on my shoulders, directing me towards the labyrinthine potions section.

"Was it really that bad?" He asked a few minutes later, eyes scanning the shelves for whatever book he was after and hand raised and moving with them, like he was ready to pluck the book off the shelf as soon as he saw it. This part of the library was dead, there was only me and him, and it was Ben, I trusted him to not go and blab to the entire school that our practice had been terrible.

"It wasn't good." I replied because Ben is a Ravenclaw and his version of 'that bad' may be completely different to mine. A corner of his mouth twitched.

"Care to elaborate?" He asked, still scanning. And I did. I told him about the way we were told to address the coach, the way he had spoken to Emmeline and made himself seem really old fashioned and rude because he didn't believe she was the keeper, and the way he had stared, obviously, at Sammie when talking about fitness and how it had already made her feel insecure. "But Sammie's not even . . ." He began, glancing at me before returning to his search.

"Not at all!" I agreed after a short pause. Then I relayed the practice to him, all the exercises we had to do, how the coach practically ignored us when we were tiring and how Sammie had nearly fainted.

"Aha!" He exclaimed and I jumped, "No, that's not it." He resumed scanning.

"James didn't say anything." I mumbled, finally hitting on what bothered me the most. "He didn't say anything, not to the coach, I wouldn't expect that, but to Sammie or Emmeline, or Peter, I don't even think he checked that they were OK afterwards." Ben stopped looking for his book and his hand feel loosely to his side.

"Should he have done?" Ben asked, looks like quidditch etiquette is one of the things he doesn't know everything about.

"Yes! Merlin, yes! He's captain, it's supposed to be his job to make sure everyone's OK, that nobody gets upset or left behind, that kind of thing."

"You'd make a good captain." Ben said, out of the blue. I felt myself blush and cursed mentally.

"James is better." Ben gave me a doubtful look which I chose to ignore. He is a good captain, a great captain, he's just also my twin.

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"It's not that simple." _Hey James, just thought I'd let you know that I think you've done a really bad thing by not checking up on the team after a brutal practice like any I and any decent captain would have done. _

"It should be that simple."

"Well it's not!" I realised how grumpy I sounded and flashed him an apologetic smile. He'd reached the end of the bookshelf and frowned deeply. "Are you sure it hasn't been taken out?" He shook his head.

"I don't think so; I was using it the other day."

"Why didn't you take it out then?" He coloured a bit and I laughed. "Don't tell me you'd already taken out too many!" He coughed. "Why?"

"Because, some people enjoy reading as much as . . . you enjoy quidditch!"

"Weirdos," I grinned at him and he shook his head, smiling. "What was it called?" If the book existed on this shelf, it was going to be found.

"Maladies With Moonstone by Ernest Goshawk. Are you saying you've never taken a book out of the library?" He sounded personally offended.

"Course I have," I replied, remembering the strategic way we'd taken out the books we needed for the animagus change in a non-suspicious way. "Doesn't mean I've ever read one cover to cover." Ben made a pained sound and I couldn't help laughing. My eyes fell on a purple bound book, Maladies With Moonstone by Ernest Goshawk. "Here!" I pulled it out and presented it to Ben with a flourish. "Are you blind?"

"Must be." Ben replied in mock seriousness and I couldn't help smiling. "What were you after?"

"Oh, erm, Quidditch Through the Ages?" Between my rant and helping him find his (fairly obviously placed) book I had forgotten what I wanted. He burst out laughing, frankly adorable little dimples appearing briefly in his cheeks. Still, he was laughing at me so I was allowed to pretend to be unimpressed.

"It's this way." He pointed between sniggers.

We managed to locate this book pretty easily, the quidditch section is obviously (unfortunately) not as extensive as the potions one.

"If it makes you feel any better," Ben began as we weaved our way past the shelves back to our table. "That coach sounds like a bastard." The look on his face said he meant it seriously but I laughed anyway. I have never liked him more.

**8th Feb**

**3:00pm**

I've had a really rubbish day so far. I know it's been beyond bad because I had my first practice with Jen today and even she could do very little to lift my mood. I feel slightly guilty, it wasn't supposed to be like this, it was supposed to be an exciting event, full of enthusiasm and, today, it really wasn't.

"Aching?" Was her greeting as she joined me in the changing rooms with a slight grin. We had our second practice with Coach yesterday night and it was even more brutal than the first. Coach had us practising the same move over and over and wouldn't let us three chasers return to the castle until we'd gotten it right. It involved one of us flying towards the goal with the ball and the other two diagonally below on either side, the player with the quaffle would pass and then drop so the triangle was inverted. The player now with the quaffle would pass either down of across and then all would change position so it became harder for the opposition to know where the quaffle was going. Problem was knowing where you were moving and when you were going to be passed to.

"No!" Coach roared as the quaffle was dropped by Sammie, again.

"Sorry Coach! I was thinking about where I was supposed to be moving . . ." Sammie sounded quiet. Too quiet. A real change from her normal outspoken self.

"You need to learn to think about more than two things at once!" Coach sounded rudely exasperated. We'd been at this for what felt like years, it had dropped dark hours ago and the pitch had to be lit by several charms so we could see what we were doing. It was freezing, too. "Again." We were ordered.

The quaffle was launched back into my hands, stinging my fingers where they had gone numb. I was at the top of the triangle, I passed to John and dived the height of Hagrid's Hut, not making an effort to try and hold on to my stomach anymore. John passed to Sammie, Sammie passed to me and I passed back to John as we shifted positions. Sammie was now at the top and I had risen into John's space as he moved into hers. Sammie hurled the quaffle and John and he slung it over to me. I threw it up to Sammie but she was already moving so it was too far out for her to catch it.

"Sorry!" She squeaked. Coach huffed and John remained stoic as always.

"Guys," They all turned round to look at me, surprise badly concealed in Coach's face, Stony and Sammie both looked shattered. "Everyone else went in about three hours ago! We can do this, we just need to focus. We'll pass in alphabetical order. When the ball is back in my hands _then _we move. The person on the right moves up, left moves to the right and bottom moves to the left because it's easier. OK?" My team-mates nodded and Coach folded his arms as if daring my plan to work.

It did, thank God.

"Stop!" Coach ordered after we'd done it successfully about four times. "In future you listen to Billie." His pale eyes met mine for a second but what was he wanting? Me to be overjoyed at what wasn't even praise? No. Maybe if he wasn't so set on playing stupid mind games with us all he could have told us to think about the pass pattern before we started and we could have gone back to the castle when the others did. "You can go." I threw the quaffle back in his direction with perhaps a bit more sass than necessary and darted off, eager to be as far away from him and his little comments as possible.

I feel rebellious and I'm not rebellious in quidditch, there's too much at stake to be attitudinal with your team or in a game. I can't bring myself to care with him though. He's just not someone you want to like. He hasn't even made a degrading comment about me yet.

"Everything hurts." I replied to Jen and she grinned, taking a seat on an empty bench while I shoved my uniform and bag into a locker. I tried to concentrate on breathing to tame the butterflies, she'd sent me a note telling me to dress warmly but not to wear my quidditch robes and had signed it with a smiley face.

"You get used to it, promise." She stood up as the locker door banged shut. "I thought we'd go for a jog to warm up a bit?" I nodded and followed her out into the crisp cold. "How long were you out for last night?" She asked, setting a comfortable pace as we set off in the direction of the lake.

"Must have been at least two hours after you guys." I grumbled and watched a look of surprise flash across her eyes.

"Seriously? No offence, but I didn't think it would take you guys that long, you're really tight unit."

"We were fine once we decided who was passing to who and where we were moving . . ."

"What?" We were passing Hagrid's now, giving him a hearty wave as we went.

"I don't like Coach." If there was one person in the team I was going to be honest, it had to be Jen. "I don't like the way he treats members of the team and makes them feel worthless when he should be helping them, I don't like the mind games he plays with us. I don't want to be spoon fed but being told what I _can_ eat would be nice for a change! He's going to turn us all against each other before the tournament has even begun!" I took a deep breath; I was getting a stitch because I ranted instead of focussing on breathing. Jen took one too.

"Until about two years ago, I hated him." She spoke quietly, as if he could hear her. "He used to be the same with our team, snarky and cold and apparently with the sole purpose of making us regret ever even setting eyes on a broom. I hated him, I think we all did a bit – maybe except Dom, he's always been the golden boy – but one day Jude turned around to us all after a practice and said that we needed to start winning or he was just going to get even worse." She sighed again, "He's knows what he's doing, he's an incredibly smart guy and we're incredibly lucky to have him. Just trust him."

"But he's with teenagers now! Making a teenage girl feel fat, a teenage boy feel inadequate because he keeps suggesting he's too young and that he's only in the team because of his brother – that's not OK. And he's positively frost with Martin for no reason at all! Martin's a great guy, that's not OK." I felt my stomach squirm horribly. This guy is the reason for her success, what if I'd crossed a line and offended her?

"I know but, just think of it as a skin thickening exercise. We get lies printed about us in the papers all the time and they just bounce off because we've all heard worse from our Coach." She half laughed and I felt myself smile a little, looks like no damage was done and there is a lot of truth in what she's said. We were halfway around the lake by now and I no longer felt the chill. "Enough about that anyway, tell me about yourself, I want to know everything!" I fought back a blush.

"I wouldn't know where to start, um . . ."

"Would it be easier if I asked questions?"

"That'd help." We shared a grin.

"OK, erm, favourite food?" I laughed, of all the things to ask. Only one food sprang to mind, though I felt a little embarrassed telling her it.

"That pasties they sometimes serve at lunch, they're beautiful."

"Yes! Dave sent me one once but it was stale by the time it got to me. I think Jimmy ate it in the end, stomach of steel that one." She smiled fondly. "Best friend?"

"Er, I have a few, James and I sort of share. There's three boys, Sirius, Remus and Peter and a girl called Lily. James has had a crush on her for ages, she used to hate him."

"I've heard about that actually, Heads together, aren't they?" I nodded and laughed.

"Does Professor Jubential talk about his students a lot?"

"He loves you all to bits." She replied, "I think he's told me about you and Sirius as well," My heart froze for a moment. "Do you bicker a lot?" And then beat furiously, relieved.

"All the time." She smiled, I assumed thinking back to the conversations she's had about me with sir. "What about you, do you have a best friend?"

"There's Dave, sorry, I'm going to have to call him Dave, his last name is too stupid, and then out of my team I'm definitely closest to Jimmy and there's a handful of friends that we have still from school. Mainly Dave's actually, mine weren't that nice."

"Sir said he was a bit of a loser?"

"Oh Merlin, he really was," She giggled, "Completely uncool. I still fancied him . . . I just didn't do anything about it for a long while." I glanced at her, so many questions but not enough confidence to ask them. "A long time meaning I was a complete bitch to him until the end of 7th year and then when I asked him out he said no do we didn't get together for a _long while_."

"Not a Hogwarts romance then?"

"Not at all." She smiled a bit before asking, "What about you, any boys on the scene?"

I nearly choked, my throat certainly tightened up a dangerous amount. _Options_, that's all I've got.

"No, not really."

"Really? Not even that Sirius guy, I've heard you're pretty close."

"Definitely not." I replied firmly, we were nearly back at the pitch. A good thing, I was beginning to feel a little bit sick. "You can tell Sir that as well." Jen didn't comment further than a quick grin.

We ended up having to call the practice a bit short. Just being there reminded me of yesterday's practice. How every time one of us said something we were told otherwise. Especially Martin, he couldn't do anything right. Jen and I were trying out different pass types and from about the third throw she stopped going easy on me, if she ever had. Soon we were firing to quaffle to each other with a power I would never use with members of the team in case they missed or I hit them accidentally. That would kill. But as I thought more about the previous practice, so the more mistakes I made so the more frustrated I got.

"Billie . . ." Jen wheedled when I missed again, cursed and dove for the ball. "Billie . . ."

"I'm fine!" I grunted and tossed it back. She caught it flawlessly and then hurled it over. I missed. "Oh for Merlin's-!" Slipped out before I could control it.

"Billie-"

"I just seem to be getting worse!" I wailed and she came swooping over, resting her hands on my shoulders so I'd look at her.

"Don't be silly, you're just getting annoyed at yourself." I met her eyes briefly and cringed at the sincere look there. "You know you can do it, I know you can do it, you're just getting angry. Actually, I usually condone getting angry when in a game but not at yourself because then there's no way you can get it right." I thought back to Sammie last night, who kept missing shots she would get with her eyes shut in a normal game. Pressure. I nodded. "Good girl. I think that's enough for today, looks like it's going to rain anyway." It didn't look like it was going to rain at all. In fact, from what I can see of outside the changing rooms the sun is just beginning to peak out from behind a cloud. But it was obvious she was trying to be tactical. "I'll send you a note, OK?"

I made a mock gesture of lifting my chin and she laughed. We said our goodbyes, mine really quite awkward as usual, and then she flew off to the equipment shed and I back to the changing rooms. I just feel so angry that I had to cut that practice short because of my problems with another one! It has to get better. It has to. I'm off back up to the castle now, best get thinking of what I'm going to say to James as the reason why I'm back an half an hour early. I don't think _because I hate practice with the new coach and now it's made me hate the pitch _will go down too well.

**6:00pm**

The whole world has gone insane. Sirius has gone insane, apparently. And I have too.

I was intercepted on my way through the portrait hole by a flustered Remus.

"Billie! You're here!" He sounded oddly startled and I felt a twist of something suspicious in my gut. "I mean, you're back early."

"Yeah, practice wasn't going well so we decided to call it a day." Hopefully I sounded much more nonchalant than I did inside my head. I hadn't worked out what I was going to ay to James, kind of hoping I'd see his lump of a face and I'd get a stroke of inspiration.

"Er, right. Good. Erm, I'm going to the library, are you coming?"

"No, I just want to chill out in here tonight." I thought I was getting a headache and didn't really think the gloom of the library would help that much.

"Er, right. Are you sure?" He gestured back the way I came as if that would persuade me to follow him.

"Certain. Why, what's-?"

"-Nothing!"

"Remus?" But he was already out in the corridor, the portrait hole swinging shut behind him.

"Catch you later, Billie!"

With a shrug (and a growing unease I tried to ignore) I headed into the common room, at once immensely grateful for the fire and its warmth. I spotted the boys in the various chairs close to it.

"Move." I told Sirius, who was lounged out on the sofa. "Come on!" I added when he merely looked at me as if to say: in your dreams, mate.

"Early." James commented as I gave up on Padfoot and budged his arm off the armrest, perching where it had been. My back was to the flames to soak up the warmth, it was a lot warmer over here, at least. "Everything OK?"

"Fine." I offered no explanation and cast my eyes over the group. Peter was sitting in the next chair and gave me a weak smile in return to the one I gave him. Padfoot was looking smug from his position on the couch, I was tempted just to sit on him but I'm glad I didn't. There was a girl at the other end of the couch, at first I thought she was just sitting there but she was watching me intently and had an odd look on her face like she wasn't quite daring to smile at me. Part of the gang, somehow, then.

"Charlotte," James introduced, "Billie. Billie, Charlotte."

"Hi." I mumbled, not paying her much notice and trying to summon the words to tell James about practice.

"Sirius' girlfriend." James added, nothing in his voice giving away really what he thought on the matter. The shock hit me like a painful Petrificus Totalus. My eyes were drawn automatically to Sirius. I always thought that it wasn't the done thing to tell someone you love them and then ask some girl, who you've never really spoken to, out a few days later. Might just be me though. He met my eyes without a trace of guilt. That was fine though, if he wasn't bothered then I had no reason to be. After all, I was the one who said no. I let my face slide into a warm smile.

"Sorry, I must have sounded really rude then. Nice to meet you!"

Her face relaxed into the smile she wanted to give me earlier. Dammit, she is really quite pretty, with a thin sort of face and big blue eyes. Sirius' eyes widened considerably and James shifted a bit in the armchair. It's always good to know I still have it in me to surprise them sometimes. Peter looked completely baffled.

I ended up talking to the Charlotte for a little while. She's lovely, and I hate her.

She wants to be a Healer (just like her mum, how sweet) and obviously works her arse off in every subject. She even gets Os in History of Magic, for Merlin's sake! She's quite funny too, and is eager to hear other people's jokes and laugh at them. Which, you can imagine, pleased James and Sirius no end. They both have a new audience and she's obliged to listen to Sirius at least. In short, I can see why he would be attracted to her. Charlotte Grahams may as well come with GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL tattooed on her forehead.

I guess my only options now are to smile and pretend the NSP feelings conversation Sirius and I had at Lily's party never happened, or I can fit and snarl and possibly kill Sirius for being such a dick. As fulfilling as that second option sounds, I have a sneaky suspicion that that's what he wants. At the same time I can't help but wonder if this is Padfoot 'moving on' as such. And if it is then why do I feel so . . . stuck?

"Billie," Sammie had wandered over somewhere in between Charlotte's last story and this new one. Hope filled me like a balloon. "John and I were wondering if you wanted to think up some more pass patterns and get them nailed for next practice." She glanced purposefully at Charlotte and I could have kissed her. This was my way out. Plus, Sammie and Charlotte were in the same year, she must know tonnes of dirt about her. Not that I'm going to ask her. Just if she happens to tell me anything bad, I might consider passing it on.

"You want to go back out to the pitch?" I asked with a twinge of reluctance, I didn't know what I'd choose between freezing quidditch pitch and the new couple.

"There'll be enough space in here!" John called from the other side of the common room, shooting me a rare grin. I caught the practice quaffle Sammie had already launched at me, knowing my answer before I ever needed to be asked.

"Break anything and I will kill you." Lily's threat made me spot her, sat at one of the corner tables, chatting with Alice. She gave me a quick, questioning look and I rolled my eyes at her.

This time, Sammie only missed once.

"Whoops! Sorry Sirius! Didn't see you there!"

"I've been here the whole time!" He protested and Sammie held up her hands and wriggled her fingers solemnly.

"Butterfingers."

Butterfingers indeed. I wish I'd thought of that.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Don't hurt me.


	7. A Quest For Ben Williamson

**A/N: **Hello! On a scale of 1 -10 how surprised are you to see that this story has actually been updated? **FezzesRCool25 **managed to beta this in an hour last night (rather than a month) so huge thanks to her :)

So much love to all the people who reviewed the last chapter, I'm so glad you don't hate me. Then this happened, I sincerely hope your opinion doesn't change . . .

* * *

><p><strong>11th Feb<strong>

**3:00pm**

I may have done a slightly stupid thing. But taking it back makes me feel sick to the stomach so I can't do that.

I've had a really rough day, OK? It feels like it's dragged on for years and we're only about two thirds of the way through. Lessons have been getting much more pressured. The period of "your exams are a while away …" has gone up in smoke and from its ashes has sprung "Merlin! Study for your lives!" And with quidditch and all the shiftings in the Marauders – it's really hard. Luckily, most of the teachers seem to understand the panic at the moment. Professor J came over for a word halfway through yesterday's lesson.

"Your last essay was brilliant." He complimented. I'd used the books Uncle Articus had given me for Christmas, they're an absolute gold mine. "Are you, erm, holding up alright? Not freaking out or finding it's a bit too much?" I glanced at Sirius and James. They both looked far too engrossed in their work; Sir looked like he wanted to laugh at them. "Well," He continued when he realised I couldn't really say anything, "If there's anything you want to talk about, let me know and I'll point you in the right direction."

I gave him a grateful smile, I presume by that he meant Jen had told him about my rant to her and it was OK to use her as an ear in the future. That's a good thing, I don't know what I'd do if she'd gone and told Coach. Sir then went on to chat about Charlotte with Sirius and I zoned out until James snapped his fingers in front of my face because Lily had been asking for my spare quill and I hadn't heard her.

Quidditch hasn't really gotten much better. We had half an hour before dinner today and after very nearly being impressed with our work on the formation (the new one gives us the ability to vary who and where we pass to without dropping the quaffle), Coach became even colder.

"You OK?" Martin had sidled over to ask while Coach was showing James something. I blinked a few times, something in his voice hinted that he was asking about something specific, not just being polite. But then I realised he meant about the new Gryffindor romance.

"Dandy," I grinned. I'm getting really good at pulling those off. "You-?"

"-Goldsburg! Back in line!" Coach roared. Jen caught my eyes and bit her tongue, something she's been reminding me to do since we had a chat in one of our practice sessions. Those have been improving at least, Jen's like a coach/councillor, it's great. Nothing's confidential of course, a moan to her often ends up with Professor Jubential stopping me in the corridors or in lesson to check that I'm alright, but now I don't really have Sirius, it's worth it to be able to vent to someone.

"I am, Coach."

"What do you think makes you special enough to ignore orders when I'm talking to another member of the team?" Coach's voice was low, deadly, and I saw Martin's partner, Billy Frances, try to sign something over to him but I couldn't see what it was.

"Sorry, Coach." Martin mumbled, looking down the 20ft to the floor. I stared hard at Coach's face, waiting for a flicker to tell me what he was going to do next. Finally, he frowned deeply, but more like he was disappointed with Martin than displeased. Another one of his mind games, I suppose. Martin shifted the two metres back to where he was before and avoided everyone's eyes. Seeking out some kind of assurance that he was OK, I looked over at Peter (who knows him better?), who allowed himself to nod very slightly.

"I want a word with you after, Goldsburg."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I hissed at James as we stumbled back towards the changing rooms, faces slick with sweat. "You could have gotten him out of trouble so easily."

"He was talking to you when he was supposed to be-"

"Are you saying he deserved it? So if I was the one that moved over to talk to him, I would have deserved being ridiculed and singled out in front of everyone?"

"Yes." James looked at me firmly and I felt rage burning my insides. And shame, to have him as my brother. "Don't pull that face at me!" He shifted, drawing himself up to his full height.

"What face?"

"Like you're so disappointed in me!" We had reached the opposite doors to the boys' and girls' changing rooms.

"Well, I am." I snarled, slamming the door shut in his face and ignoring whatever he shouted from the other side.

After I was changed I raced back up to the common room only to find Sirius and Charlotte snuggled up together in an armchair (I mean, really?). As _lovely _as Charlotte is, I was not about to worsen my day further by forcing myself into their company so I merely gave them a weak smile, dumped my quidditch kit in the dorm and sped off to the library, finally coming to collapse in the seat opposite Ben at the usual table.

"Afternoon." He greeted me without looking up from what he was reading, tipping an imaginary cap. I took a deep breath, this was Ben, and I had no reason to be even slightly grumpy with him.

"Good afternoon." I said as calmly as I could manage.

"I would ask 'to what do I owe the pleasure'," He snapped his book shut and his lips quirked up at the absence of any work on my person. "But the answer is obviously because you desire my fine company." I rolled my eyes but grinned anyway.

"Of course, where is everyone today?"

"Remus and Emily have gone for a romantic walk in the grounds and Jade came for half an hour, announced that I was being boring and went off to find someone to entertain her." That sounded like something Sirius would say and I felt a pang of something heavy. It wasn't there long though.

"Right." I said far too quickly after far too long a pause and Ben looked at me strangely.

"You haven't got any work on you." I blushed a bit – he seemed far too amused by it all.

"No, I was making a break for freedom and forgot some." Ben arched an eyebrow at that. "You know, quidditch and stuff, I had a little fit with James after practice."

"Things still going badly?"

"I don't know how the England team deal with him." I sighed deeply. "Look, can we not talk about it?"

"Sure. Lovely weather we're having." I laughed, the sound too loud in the hush of the library and Ben grinned. "What are your plans for the weekend?"

"Quidditch and essays." I shrugged, "Hogsmeade generally loses its novelty when you can go whenever you want." He looked at me like I'd left my head somewhere.

"Quidditch and essays on Valentine's Day?"

"It's Valentine's Day this weekend?" Hopefully I sounded _breezy_ but inside I was measuring how far my stomach had sunk. How convenient that Sirius should get a girlfriend so close to 'the day of love'. And what was Ben asking for?

"14th, same as every year." He glanced up, an amused tilt to his lips, and then looked down at his hands, tracing the cover of his book.

"I'd completely forgotten." I told him truthfully, "So much going on." He hummed in agreement, watching his fingers move for a few seconds longer before meeting my eyes. His are really, _really _blue.

"You haven't been pestered for dates then?" He looked a little confused at my snort of laughter. "What?"

"No, Godric, no." I cringed for a second, "You?"

"Not at all."

"Right."

We fell into an awkward silence; I watched a slow blush spread across his cheeks.

"Well, I was wondering, if you wanted, I mean, not as a date of anything, but if you'd want to spend the day with me then, erm, yeah."

I stared at him for a whole three seconds without really seeing him at all. Images of what a Valentine's Day with Ben might mean, what people were going to say, what it all meant, finally coming to rest on a memory of Sirius and Charlotte in that armchair, the fire reflected in his hair.

"If you don't want to-"

"No."

"Oh, OK."

"No! I mean yes. No to not wanting to do it, so actually, yes . . . Yes." He stared the way I had done at him. It was my turn to blush as his face spread into a slow grin.

"Really?" I shuffled awkwardly. It wasn't a date so he shouldn't be that excited.

"We can have a day cringing at the couples." He laughed.

"Sure, I propose we tail Remus and Emily until they hex us." I giggled at the thought of how flustered they'd get.

"I have to warn you though, I will spontaneously combust if I step within a metre of Madam Puddifoot's."

"I'll bear that in mind."

I'm really not sure if saying yes was a good idea or a really stupid one. I mean, it's not like it's a _date_ and if this afternoon has been anything to go by then we're going to have a good enough time but I can't help feeling a little bit . . . harsh. I mean, I can imagine that to Sirius is going to look like I'm either jealous and am taking revenge on him or that I'm just being a bit of bitch really. Plus, I _know _he doesn't like Ben; that much was obvious when we got kicked out of the library that time for laughing at Devil's Snare reproduction. I shouldn't even care but I just don't want him to think that I'm playing along with whatever game he's started. And if I am, and I don't think I have much choice in the matter, then I don't want this to be my move.

No doubt James is going to find this hilarious. And, damn! I cannot go back and tell Ben that I'm not spending the day with him when it's _not a date.  
><em>Maybe I could just invite someone along with us.

**12th Feb**

**8:00am**

Just been for an early morning jog. They're my favourite, especially during summer, but even this month, when everything is frosty and the squid can barely be bothered to flap a tentacle at you as you pass, it's still beautiful.

I ran out of the main entrance and down the steps to the Lake, glad no-one was there to see me as I was almost tripping up over my feet I was going so fast. Hagrid gave me a welcoming shout as passed the steps to his cabin, blocking my view from whatever was causing the green smoke inside and I cut down to the border of the forest which gradually looked less ominous as the sun began to rise.

From there I ran around the Great Lake. I paused briefly at the gates and ignored the sinking feeling in my stomach when I remembered I'd be passing through them with Ben on Saturday and everyone was going to think it was a date. Everyone. To combat the urge to run back the way I came, into the forest and get eaten by something nasty to avoid it all, I sprinted off back towards the castle. I was nice to have that time alone, just to think and relax. I felt the happiest I had in days.

"Please, seriously, it's only around the corridor." A voice that I only barely recognised, rang out; the guy's tone jokey and persuasive. "C'mon!"

"Nah, get lost! I don't have the back for it anymore and if Minerva or bloody Horace saw I'd be _disgraced_!" Ah, that was Professor Jubential. The voices seemed to be getting closer and as I turned the corner I saw Professor J, Jen and Jimmy Wimberly, the keeper in the England team. According to Emmeline he's absolutely brilliant. "Student out of bed!" Sir cried when he turned and spotted me. I felt strangely conscious of how sweaty I was when there was Jen stood there looking bloody perfect as always.

"Don't, Filch will lock her away. You been for a run, Billie?" Jen asked. I noticed she held hands with Sir again now they knew it was only me and bit back a smirk.

"Yeah, just been around the lake and back." I said and Jimmy beamed; his smile huge and infectious, Jen nodded, agreeing to whatever he hadn't said yet. They must be pretty close then.

"We used to go on that run every morning while lazy bones here snored away in the tower." Sir blushed but laughed anyway.

"As if either of you would have been seen running with me."

"That's because you run like a chicken with diarrhoea." Jen pointed out and I stifled a giggle, falling into step with them as we seemed to be heading in the same direction. Then Jimmy and Jen did their impressions of Sir running and I couldn't help it.

"Actually Billie, I was wanting to talk to you," Sir began and I quirked an eyebrow in interest. "I was just wondering what your thoughts were on the new Sirius girlfriend developments." I choked a little bit but managed to cover it up despite suddenly all three of them watching me, hawk-like.

"Doesn't really bother me, why?" Internally, I awarded myself an acting prize.

"I just know it can get a bit awkward when friends get new partners." He gave Jimmy a pointed look and the keeper threw his hands up in protest.

"She was a _nice girl_ – you just didn't like her because she couldn't pronounce your last name, Dave."

"Ugh," Jen shook her head, "Jimmy, she was vile." Sir gave me a look I could easily translate as: _see what I mean? _ and I grinned. "Don't let her spoil your friendship with Sirius though, it's not worth it." Sir and Jimmy gave each other a look and both began grinning madly.

"Awwwww." They mocked unanimously, Jimmy ducking around Jen to wrap himself around Sir's skinny frame. "Can I have that piggy back ride now?" Sir shook his head vehemently and tried to shake off the hands gripping his shoulders.

In the end Sir caved. Jen seemed utterly exasperated but it made me laugh. It was sort of like being a proper Marauder again, doing stupid things and almost getting caught by proper members of staff.

I've decided I like Jimmy a lot, he says he's going to swing by a few of our practices so I can practice shooting which will be a laugh at least.

Now to conquer the rest of the day.

**11:00pm**

I managed to make it through 24 hours without anyone finding out about my not a date with Ben this weekend. Then James had to go and ruin it. We made up. Lily forced us onto the sofa until we'd talked through why I was so mad at him and what exactly he should do to sort it out. Apparently, and I say apparently because he won't have the guts to do it – Gryffindor courage my arse – he's going to have a word with coach next time he says something to kill the team's morale. We'll see won't we?

"What's the date?" He asked, just starting on the charms homework due in tomorrow.

"Why? You're not going to put today's date, surely." Lily gave him a disapproving look which he countered with a grin. "It's the 12th today." We were all huddled around on of the larger tables in the common room, me wedged in between James and Lily and Remus and Peter separating us from the lovely new couple.

"Cheers." He started scribbling yesterday's date down but stopped on the U of February. "Blimey, it's Valentine's Day this weekend." My heart sank.

"How have you only just realised?" Remus sounded appalled, "The last Prefect meeting was about who would be staying behind and who was going to Hogsmeade." James coloured under Lily's glare.

"Well, obviously I was listening to that." He paused, "What am I doing?"

"You're staying behind because no-one loves you." Sirius joked and I almost laughed but then Charlotte giggled and it put me off. James gave a sarcastic 'ha ha'.

"No, really, what am I doing?"

"Do you have a date?" Lily asked, although she already knew.

"Do _you _have a date, Evans?"

"No."

James beamed.

"Are we spending Valentine's Day together, Lilykins?"

"If by together you mean at different sides of the school kicking hormonal fourth years out of the broom cupboards then sure." She smiled sweetly and I ruffled James' hair in condolence.

"Speaking of which, if I find either of you two," He gestured at Sirius and Charlotte, "In any _compromising _situations I will not hesitate to give you a detention." The others chuckled in amusement and I forced a grin on my face, feeling vaguely sick and reciting Weird Sisters lyrics in my head to stop thinking Broom Cupboard thoughts. "That goes for you too, Lupin." James waggled a finger at Remus who turned a little pink.

"I, actually, am taking Emily out for the day." The whole tabled cooed at him and the pink darkened.

"Never thought I'd see the day when our little Remus would be taking a girl out for Valentine's Day." Sirius laughed at Remus poked his tongue out at him.

"Where did we go wrong, eh?" I said at exactly the same time Charlotte began to tell him not to be mean. She gave me a peculiar look and I wrangled with another grin. "What are you up to at the weekend, Pete?"

"Nothing." He sounded miserable at the prospect. _Hey, I know Pete, why don't you come to Hogsmeade with me and some Ravenclaw guy you don't know? _

"I'll find you someone to go with Pete! What's your type!" Lily half joked. My lips twitched in genuine amusement this time. Nobody noticed, thank Merlin. Wormtail blushed a little, aware that we were all watching him.

"I . . ." He faltered, "I asked Jess Guetting to go with me and she said she'd think about it." I cringed inwardly. With her grades improving and with the status builder of spending a few hours learning Transfig with James every week, Jess Guetting was fast moving up the ranks in Hufflepuff. And, well, Pete's not exactly catch of the day.

"That's great Pete!" Charlotte interrupted the silence and he managed a watery smile. Everyone sort of looked at each other awkwardly. I felt another stab of anger. It's not really Charlotte's place to comment on Peter's love life when she knows him the least of anyone at the table and make the rest of us look like bad friends. Lily nudged me almost unnoticeably and I realised I had been glaring at Charlotte. Whoops.

"You've been awfully quiet, Billie." Remus, Godric damn him, pointed out with a mischievous twist to his mouth.

"Hmm, me? I've just been listening to other people."

"Not got other plans then?" I _felt _Sirius shift to stare at me. Hard. I had the option of saying that I had nothing on but seeing as it's not even a date and Ben is friends with Remus and could find out how I reply; it would be highly rude of me.

"Well, erm, me and Ben are spending the day together." There were several noises of shock from around the table (not from Charlotte, she doesn't know me).

"What?" Sirius choked out then seemed to catch himself and fell deadly silent.

"My sentiments exactly." Lily covered but I did not miss the look she threw him.

"It's not a date!" I explained quickly, blushing as James quirked up an eyebrow. "Come on, you know we don't fancy each other."

"I'd have said you'd make a cute couple." That twist of Remus' mouth was still there. And really, it was a bloody good job Charlotte wasn't gazing into her boyfriend's eyes at that moment. Sirius was fixing me with such a _look_. It was like I'd betrayed him or something. Merlin, I didn't do that when the C-bomb was dropped on me. I squirmed a bit in my seat.

"Well," All the thoughts about Ben and I were banished as quickly as Remus' comment had made them appear. It was stupid to think about that. Even if I did fancy Ben . . . I'd feel like I was cheating on Sirius and I swear never to involve someone deliberately in mine and Sirius' mess of a relationship right now. Or ever, actually. "It's not a date." James was looking at me funnily.

"Do you have a cru-?"

"No!" I was the picture of vehemence. "Definitely not, we're just spending the day together because neither of us have dates."

"Do I need to talk to him?" Lily was in on it now.

"Break her heart and I'll give you the dungeons to patrol every night?" That was James.

"You tell me and James if he upsets you, Ok?" And Lily.

I had to shake myself out of simply nodding dumbly. Merlin, their kids are so screwed. Sirius was still staring at me, and I didn't have enough time in my glances to read the look in his eyes. Anger, probably. Merlin, he probably thinks the reason I rejected him was because I like Ben. He's so stupid to not know that if I had to choose between them, I'd choose Padfoot's friendship every single time. Besides, he said I have options, why isn't spending Valentine's Day with a friend one of them?

"He's really nice." Charlotte offered.

"He is," Lily agreed even though I could see it almost pained her to do it. "He helped me lug the prefect stuff back upstairs when _someone _buggered off to prat about on a broomstick." James rolled his eyes.

"We can't all win House points by being Slughorn's best friend, Lily."

"Oh, he went there." I laughed, half in shock and glad that maybe the conversation was moving on.

"Well now he can go somewhere quiet to finish his essay off or else he isn't going to get it done."

"Oh ye of little faith." He teased but stood to leave anyway. "I'm off to the library; would anyone care to accompany me on this adventure of wit and daring?"

"I will."

"Then arise, Sir Wormtail! My gratitude extends to you and your people for agreeing to undertake this quest for peace, solitude and Ben Williams!"

"You dare!" I exclaimed, much to everyone's apparent amusement. Even Sirius grinned.

"Are you coming Lily?" Remus asked, standing also. "We have an hour until patrol."

"Oooh, yeah. Evans, you could be our damsel in distress!" Lily gave him an unimpressed look. "Come on! We brave knights may need you to lure in the Ben Williamson!"

"Lily, I beseech you, make Sir Potty behave." Lily giggled and Remus beamed at me for saying 'beseech'. What friends I have.

Eventually they headed off to the library; Remus suggesting they pop over to see Sir Cadogan for some tips and Lily threatening to put James in a full body bind if he didn't stop pretending Peter was his noble steed and trying to climb on his back. I declined their invitation and immediately buried myself in my half finished essay I had sprawled out on the table, completely ignoring the way Sirius and Charlotte shifted closer together and began a mumbled conversation about something. I don't know. Probably not me. I found myself feeling horribly grateful for all the homework I had to do. Each time I completed one, another one appeared, already started, in my bag. At least my awkwardness might lead me to passing my NEWTs.

"Shoot! Is that the time?" Charlotte caught a glimpse of Padfoot's (Potter family, just saying) watch. "I should really be off to bed!" I stifled a groan. They had this discussion every night. Charlotte would try to retire at some obscenely early hour and Sirius would try and charm her out of it and her excuses would gradually become more feeble until an hour had passed and she'd pretend to be huffy with him so he'd let her go. But tonight, oh crap, he simply nodded, gave her a quick kiss and completely missed the bemused (and hurt) look she gave him before darting upstairs.

I watched her go and returned my attention to the conclusion I was writing, reading over the last sentence I had written repeatedly and struggling to keep my screaming internal.

"So . . ." Sirius began with a completely fake air of disinterest. My stomach clenched. "Ben." I glared over at him. I hadn't kicked up a fuss about Charlotte so I don't see why he should even comment when it's not even a _date._

"It's neither a date nor any of your business." I told him, probably rather snootily. Probably, he smirked.

"Oh really? Who said that it 'wasn't a date'?"

"He did." Sirius laughed out loud, a few people glanced our way at the sound but their attention wasn't held for very long.

"Oh, Billie. It's a date."

"What? It's not a date, you weren't there, we both agreed it wasn't a date, it's not a date."

"Billie, he fancies you, he asked you out for Valentine's Day, it's a date."

"I – What? He doesn't fancy me! Besides, if it wasn't Valentine's Day all you guys would be there, it's not a date. It's just opportunity."

"Yeah, it's a great opportunity for him." Sirius and I glared at each other. "Do you fancy him?" I felt another bellyful of that fiery rage. A few brief images of Ben's blond hair, his dimples and really, really blue eyes swam into my head but I was focussed on Sirius, anger at Sirius, and annoyance at Sirius and I really, really miss him. I had two choices, like choosing which outer goal to shoot for in quidditch, you can shoot the same way for both of them but you don't know the outcome until you've picked. And I think I might have made another bad choice (it's Sirius he does this to me).

Instead of telling him the truth I thought I'd twist it a bit. Just to see how he'd react.

"He's alright." I even managed to fake embarrassment and felt a mixture of satisfaction and repulsion as something ugly screwed up his face – then it was gone.

"So it's a date then."

That made me angry again.

"No! Merlin, why are you so bothered?" I regretted it. I regretted the words as soon as they slipped out. Sirius went cold as quickly as I had seen red.

"I think you know why." In one swift move he was out of his seat, slamming it back under the table and was racing up to the Boys' dorm. Hell, I probably should have gone after him.

Well, I'm not looking forward to the weekend.

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><p><strong>AN: **Next chapter soon!


	8. It's Sirius Isn't It?

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken me ages to update again and this chapter hasn't been beta'd because my beta's on holiday and I'm off camping on Thursday (lucky me.) and I didn't want to have to leave it another week before updating. So it's likely going to be riddled with mistakes but if you've read this far you're probably used to that by now, right?

Many thanks to all the people who reviewed the last chapter! You're all brilliant and I'm very sorry for taking so long again. The next chapter is already half written so I'll do my best not to take too much time on that.

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><p><strong>13th Feb<strong>

**10:00am**

Well, I feel loads better. When I woke up that wasn't quite true, there were only the few blissful seconds before I remembered what a mess I'm in and then I felt rubbish. This weekend. Ben. That argument with Sirius. How he'd stormed off.

I'd managed to wake up far too early, even for a weekday, it was about four and still dark outside. Lily and Alice were both fast asleep so I decided it was worth going for another jog. My silence getting ready in the dorm was completely ruined when, clad in some old tracksuit bottoms and one of the boys' hoodies, I slipped going down the stairs with an almighty bang. I sat there in shock for a few seconds and then began giggling at myself. The giggles grew louder and soon I was nearly belly-laughing, having to cover my mouth to stifle the sound. A door creaked open and a bleary-eyed John peered out.

"Billie? What the hell are you doing?"

"I was sneaking out for a jog and I fell." I replied between splutters of laughter. His face spread into a sleepy grin.

"Idiot." I think he mumbled before shutting the door with a click and leaving me to push myself up off the floor.

However, I barely made it to the portrait hole before someone else's voice stopped me in my tracks.  
>"Hey! Wait up!"<p>

To say I jumped would be a gross understatement. Sirius' face split in mirth as I practically leapt into the air and spun round to find him standing on the bottom step. He looked, in all honesty, like crap. There were dark rings under his eyes, visible even in the dim light, his hair was stuck up oddly at one side where he'd slept (or hadn't slept) on it and he was still pulling on a pair of old trainers.

"What are you doing?" I failed at putting venom in my voice. He looked too much like he did during those first weeks of coming to live with us in the summers. A right mess, basically.

"I'm coming with you." He said, voice rough with tiredness. Once he was satisfied with his rather sloppily tied laces, he came over, he looked even worse up close.

"How much sleep have you had?" It was better than laughing in his face.

"Dunno, 'bout two hours or something?"

"And you think you're going to be able to keep up?" A slow smirk spread across his face, the effect rather ruined by his fatigued eyes.

"I think I might surprise you."

"Come on then, _surprise me_."

I set off at a faster than usual pace, weaving through the corridors and, once, in a very daring moment, jumping down onto a different staircase when they were changing. By the time we reached the doors we were both sweating a little but I was secretly quite impressed that Sirius was only ever a few steps behind.

"Alright?" He rolled his eyes at my sarcastic tone.

"Excellent. You should be careful down there," He gestured at the steps heading down to the lake, "You've already fallen down one flight this morning." I tried to take mock offence but started giggling again.

"At least I'm actually awake." He huffed, following me anyway.

"At least I'm actually here! You do know it's not exactly safe for you to go running around the grounds in the dark." His speech, however ridiculous, struck a little chord in my chest. What? Was he that concerned that he'd gotten up early so I wasn't by myself?

"Don't be an idiot, it's not even dark." I started jogging down the steps, taking extra care because even though the weather seemed clear today, they were still slippery with yesterday's downpour. I really didn't want to make a fool of myself. Or injure myself – thus proving his point.

"It is!"

"Bollocks!"

"Billie!" He grabbed hold of my wrist as we were both nearly bested by a particularly mossy step.

"Careful." I told him seriously and was poked hard in the side.

We made it down the steps quickly enough after that and when we reached the banks of the lake I sped up, Sirius matching my pace far too easily for someone whose weekly exercise consists of running away from people of authority.

"Are you alright?" I asked him after a few minutes. Hagrid wasn't up yet, you could almost feel the ground rumbling with his snores as we went past.

"Fine, why?"

"You haven't spoken in," I checked my watch free wrist, "2 minutes and 12 seconds." He stuck his tongue out and asked who was counting but I got distracted by how tired he looked to respond properly. He sighed deeply so I elbowed him to get him to talk.

"I wanted to, er, apologise," I nearly tripped over my own feet in shock but I thought I hid it quite well. 'Oh, so we're having this conversation', the only coherent thought I could manage. He seemed to take my silence as leave to continue. "For being a complete prick - yesterday and, erm, over the past weeks and stuff." There was a small pause. I know it was small because I could see the seconds ticking by on the face of his watch but it felt like it dragged on for forever.

"It's-" I was about to say OK, but that wasn't true at all. There's no way that him saying he loves me and then getting a girlfriend and making it impossible to talk to him and then being an arse about me spending time with another friend is OK. Sorry. He cringed as the words died in my throat. "It's not OK. I've missed you like hell, Padfoot." It's not clear who looked more shocked at the words. But, we were slowing to a walk and then stopping completely, face to face and I swear Sirius has grown another inch.

"I've missed you too."

I don't know who moved first (and if it was me I'm not going to admit it) but we were hugging for the first time in far too long. He still smells of grass and wet dog and those cigarettes. And it was just like old times. Except, it wasn't quite, because I could feel his pulse racing and I didn't really fancy letting him go.

"We're so stupid." He mumbled into my ear and I hugged him even tighter, not sure whether I felt like crying or laughing – or risking both.

"We really are." I pulled away and blinked rapidly. He was grinning.

"I want to know everything."

"What?"

"Everything that's happened since Lily's party, you haven't exactly been forthcoming with what's been going on." I huffed indignantly.

"You haven't exactly asked."

"Well," We were about half a second away from another argument. I could feel it. "I'm asking now." He finished softly.

So, we ran and I filled him in with . . . most things. How brilliant Jen Parker is and how much I've learnt with her, the hellish full team practices and all the bullying that coach has been doing. Of course, I omitted anything to do with Charlotte and Ben.

"He hasn't said anything bad about you though." Sirius pointed out as Hagrid's Hut disappeared behind us. I wasn't sure I'd got the right end of the stick (and I've noticed recently that a lot of the sticks Sirius offers are more like branches, with twigs and thorns flying off in every direction).

"What do you mean?" We were on our way back to the castle now after a huge sprint to the gate. Which I won.

"He's called Sammie fat, been sexist towards Emmeline, hurled a tonne of abuse at Martin, implied that Peter's too young to be on the team, insulted James' player choices, dumped Dom Clarkson on John – but he hasn't said anything to you."

"He said that sibling rivalry was going to tear the team apart."

"Yeaaah," Sirius didn't sound convinced. "But there's the Goldsburgs too and it's not like he's said: Billie, your sibling rivalry will tear the team apart."

"It's not going to anyway."

"I know that. What I'm trying to say is that I think he likes you."

"No!" I objected immediately and he smiled when I fell silent. "I don't like him."

"Oh, really? From all the ranting I wouldn't have guessed."

"Shut up, you asked." We shared a grin the as we passed the Whomping Willow, nodding in salute as it rustled its leaves at us. "What's been going on with you then?" My question was much more tentative, hopefully that way he would actually think about what he was saying instead of just spilling it out and causing me to get angry with him.

"Erm," He cleared his throat, "Well, I've mainly been looking after your brother when he comes whinging to me after every quidditch practice because he feels like a bad captain."

"-If he feels like a bad captain why doesn't he bloody do something?"

"I know, I've told him."

We fell back into silence.

"Sorry, you were talking about what you were up to."

He cleared his throat again, not even out of breath yet. He must be a secret jogger. Must be. "Well, there's Charlotte." I didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue. "Yeah, been spending most of my time with her."

"Good."

"Good, yes." We seemed to be running deeper into the awkward silence. "It's not a date, is it?" He asked suddenly. I nearly slipped on that mossy step as we ascended.

"No – I did _try _to tell everyone it wasn't a date."

"He does fancy you though – No, don't get mad at me." There had been an audible click as I gritted my teeth. "I'm just saying it might be a date for him."

"Sirius Black, Love Guru." I teased as a way of ignoring what he had said – it's already eating at me, is that. I don't want to lead Ben on or anything and an actually date wasn't what I agreed to at all. We kept jogging as we entered the double doors to the castle.

"You know it!" He winked at me and pulled an absurd face. I started laughing.

"Godric," The sound of my giggles was much too loud in the empty corridors. "Never pull that face again!"

"What?!" His cry of mock offence woke a few portraits up and before we'd even slowed to a walk the shriek of 'STUDENTS OUT OF BED' had us racing back towards the dorm.

"Ow," Sirius moaned as we flung ourselves into the Common Room, sweatier than a house elf's dishcloth. "Merlin, ow, stitch." I laughed at him, bent over and clutching his side.

"Breathe." Was my advice, passed down through generations of Potter family quidditch players. We were silent again for a few moments, his hand squeezing my shoulder in pain for the last few seconds of the cramp.

"Phew, it's gone. You OK?" I nodded, thoughts preoccupied with a bigger question.

"Can we be friends again now please?" He looked startled, still pale though the winter sun had risen while we were running.

"We didn't stop being friends!" His tone was insulted so I decided to believe him. It felt like maybe we did though, for a bit.

"Good." The only grin I could muster was half-hearted, as was the one he returned.

"Look, I'm sorry OK, but I can't just be the way I was around you before, but we'll get there." He sighed. "Just give me a bit more time and for Merlin's sake, stop avoiding me." I took a deep breath. That was quite a lot of information to take in.

"OK, I'm sorry too, for avoiding you, though it's not really you I'm avoiding."

"What?" Sirius asked, seeming genuinely confused. I could hear people beginning to come downstairs and was desperate to avoid any sort of scene.

"Nothing, just forget I said anything."

"You know I can't do that."

I grinned as he pulled a despairing face and was about to give him another hug when arms wrapped around his waist from behind and we both jumped in shock. Charlotte. I hadn't even seen her coming down the stairs.

"Morning!" She chirped. "Where have you been?"

"Jogging, me and Billie went jogging." He mumbled, slyly extracting himself from her grip. Charlotte went to say something but I cut across her. Rude, but I couldn't bring myself to care that much.

"Right, just off in the shower, I'll meet you down in the Great Hall." Sirius, however, wasn't having me running off (again). He'd managed to successfully remove Charlotte from his person and stepped forward to give me that hug she'd interrupted. It wasn't a very long hug, like that one on the Lakeside had been, it was just a normal, very platonic, hug. Charlotte smiled at me as we broke apart and there wasn't a trace of anything malicious.

I think maybe Sirius and I might be OK. I'm hopeful, anyhow.

**11:00pm**

Lily came back from her patrol in a right mood. I swear there were big black storm clouds above her head like the ones at practice today. She didn't even say hello when she came in. I was finishing off copying up her History of Magic notes, sprawled out on my bed and listening to _Non-Stop Weird Sisters, _and she completely ignored me, heading straight into the bathroom and slamming the door.

Moments later, there was a huge bang and a very loud curse from Lily. Cautiously, I crept over to the door and pressed my ear to the crack. I knocked twice.

"Lils, you alright?"

"No." Came her petulant reply.

"What's up?"

"Why don't you go ask your bloody brother what's up?" There was another bang, Merlin knows what she's been doing, but the bathroom is intact now. I groaned. Stupid James, _what have you done this time? _

There was a muffled shout and the sound of party poppers when I reached the door to the boys' dorm. I wasn't quite sure whether I wanted to go in or not.

"Hey Billie." Remus' voice floated from his chest of drawers, he'd somehow managed to fit his head and shoulders inside, rummaging for something.

"What the-?!" I jumped as another party popper went off right by my ear. "Padfoot!"

"Great celebrations, Billie!" James roared from where he was dancing on his bed. I'm not actually related to him. I swear. "You know Wormtail asked Jess Guetting out?" I nodded, completely aware of Sirius shuffling about behind me, getting ready to pop another muggle party popper, because using magic is no fun.

"She said yes!" Peter appeared from his wardrobe with two shirts. He looked at them thoughtfully while I congratulated him, accioing the party popper from Sirius' hand and letting it off.

"Hey! That was my last one!"

"Thank Godric for that." I heard Remus grumble into his socks.

"What do you think?" Peter asked me but James leapt off his bed for a closer inspection.

"Neither!" He cried after a brief moment. "Go naked Wormtail, it's the only way." His tone of voice was solemn and I had to bite back a laugh; I needed to be angry with him until I found out whether he had a valid reason for infuriating Lily.

"Blue." I assured when Peter turned to me in exasperation. He grinned.

"Is that because you bought me this shirt?"

"What can I say? It's a nice shirt."

Pete began to busy himself with finding trousers and I took a seat on Remus' empty bed. "Got a bone to pick with you." I told James. It was, truly remarkable, how so many emotions could flicker across his face, finally landing on one of 'oh crap'. "Well, Lily does."

Remus was out of his drawers in a flash. And by drawers I don't mean- never mind.

"No, you didn't." They were on a completely different page to me. James gulped. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Didn't do what?" Sirius and I asked simultaneously and blushed.

"I didn't."

"Don't lie to me!" Remus stood up and shook his head. "I can't believe -!"

"I didn't!" I glanced at Sirius and he shrugged. "Honest, I didn't ask her!"

Then it all clicked. James and Lily had been on patrol together. James had obviously asked Lily to spend Valentine's Day with him on a date. That would not only explain, but make the storm clouds perfectly excusable.

"James, you idiot!"

"- Utter imbecile!"

"I didn't ask her! I swear!"

"Fine!" The back of Remus' neck turned a shade of angry pink. "What did you do?"

"Well," James sighed and looked as if he were seriously considering hexing us all. "We bumped into Dickory and he was being a prick as usual and asked Lily to go to Hogsmeade with him and started listing off reasons why she was missing out until we collectively told him where to go."

"That's not it all." I told everyone just as Remus' shoulders began to fall and Sirius began to look sympathetic.

"How do you know?" My brother practically snarled.

"Because I know you both far too well." He huffed and I saw a smirk appear on Padfoot's lips.

"No, it's not. I, erm, might have said that if she ever asked I'd go with her. We were on the topic and I really didn't think she'd get that mad."

"James, you bleeding idiot!"

"- Absolute utter bloody imbecile!"

"Of course she got in a bloody mood with you, you great sod!" I cried, "And right after you had a fight with Diggory – are you absolutely insane?! Merlin's balls! And by the sounds of it Remus _told_ you not to say anything!" James hung his head. "If you have ruined everything I will have very little sympathy."

"Is she really mad?" He asked and I nodded gravely. A sigh passed around the five of us until we were all grinning at the comedy of it. "I am an idiot." James conceded, switching beds and sitting back to back with Padfoot so they were both leaning on each other. I think he just wanted a hug from the one person who will always tell him it's alright, but daren't ask.

"Nothing we didn't already know." Sirius practically swung James round and slung an arm around his shoulders.

"Trust me, James, you're not the only one." Said Remus with a pointed look in Sirius' direction. I laughed at their scandalised faces. "Oh, Billie! I forgot! Ben asked me to tell you to meet him at the entrance at about half ten."

"Cheers." I mumbled, blushing again. I had almost forgotten about that in the midst of James' catastrophe. But the nerves are back.

Lily is either asleep or pretending to be asleep now I'm back in the dorm. I suppose I should really try and get some if I'm going to be anything resembling polite and fun to be around tomorrow. Night.

**14th Feb**

**8:00am**

Been down for an incredibly early breakfast with Lily. She's alright now the shock has worn off.

I was right last night, James practically asked her out. Poor idiot. Lily was quite right to freak out though, a little bit.

"No fear," I assured her, "He has received a suitable bollocking from us all." She sighed into her toast then gave up on eating, dropping it into her plate with a little clink. I wasn't hungry at all but she said that if I didn't eat something then she'd force it down me. Charming girl, our Lily.

"I was beginning to think he was over it . . . me. We were getting along so well because he wasn't constantly trying to convince me into going out with him or trick me into admitting I liked him and-" Whatever she was about to say was cut off as a cloud of pink confetti burst above our heads.

It was the Valentine Gnomes. The poem reading ones that everyone with sense avoids like they've got Dragon Pox.

The poor creature, complete with pink wings and a bad wig, rummaged in its bag and pulled out a piece of pink card.

"A message for Billie Potter!" It proclaimed though there was only us two and a few Ravenclaw firsties present to hear it. Lily breathed a giggle of relief and glared at one of the gnomes flying overhead who was about to shoot her with one of his cupid's arrows. "Billie, this is a lovely Valentine's message because you smell and you're not going to get one off anyone else, are you? Lots of love from your best twin, James Potter."

I looked at Lily. She looked back. Then we both burst into raucous laughter.

"Merlin!" Lily clutched her sides, "He really is a top class idiot, isn't he?" The gnome cleared his throat, looking disgruntled. Ah, he probably had a schedule.

"There's another – for Billie Potter!"

"Oh, excellent!" Dumbledore spoke out as he strolled between the tables, a twinkle in his eye as usual.

"Hi! We heard James' message and we thought it was quite rude that he said you'd only get one Valentine's message and you know how Padfoot likes to prove James wrong, so we thought we'd send you this. You've been a really good friend – _and therefore it's such a shame that you're so moody and ugly and stupid – _Sirius! That's – _Remus! How could you say a thing like that to dear Billie? – _Padfoot! – _What are you trying to say? R. J. Lupin? That Billie is unworthy of any love because she has a face like Filch's backside and the temperament of the Whomping Willow? – _Sirius! – _Rude, very – _You've completely ruined the message! – _I love you _– Go away. Yes, erm, sorry Billie, Happy Valentine's day – _you smell - _ lots of love – _really bad _– Sirius! – _And Remus, I could have signed my own name-" _

The gnome paused, glancing up at my tight lipped smile. I was trying not to collapse with laughter. "Then they ran out of words."

Lily went first, sniggering into her sleeve, then me, accepting the cards off the Cupid Gnome and spluttering with laughter. Dumbledore observed the scene before him then joined us with a hearty chuckle.

"It's certainly the most expressive Valentine's message I've ever heard. Although, I am obliged to ask you to remind Mr Black that the use of staff's body parts as a descriptive tool is strictly forbidden." I grinned.

"I'll let him know, Sir."

"Have a splendid day, girls."

I suppose, if I were to look for the silver lining of that message – it's really cheered me up from the gloomy mood I was in when I woke up. It'll be fine with Ben today, I know it.

**5:00pm**

OK. Not fine. Not fine. Completely not fine.

I don't believe it.

Why must everything go belly-up at the moment? Why?

The morning was alright. Well, most of the day was enjoyable, actually, but there were parts . . .

I met Ben at half ten at the entrance doors. Most of the people who were going to Hogsmeade had already gone, so we were free from scrutiny as we made our way out of the castle. Good planning on Ben's part.

It wasn't awkward between us at all. Apparently Emily had been there when the boys wrote their Valentine's message so he asked how that was and I teased him because he'd received three genuine confessions of undying love. He could have had his pick of the girls, I told him, and yet he chose to waste the day with me. Bet he regrets it now.

As promised, we stayed away from Madame Puddifoot's although I nearly did make real of my threat to push him through the door and run off when he complained of boredom after only _ten minutes _in the quidditch shop. Luckily though, Remus and Emily strolled past just as we left. We were able to follow them around the town with stealth worthy of only a true Marauder and her companion, laughing at how cute they were being and at some of Remus' less brilliant jokes. The one about the hippogriff, the merman and the troll was my favourite. What a classic. Shame Emily didn't find it so funny. Must be a Ravenclaw thing because neither did Ben.

Remarkably, we were only caught when we tailed them into the Three Broomsticks (because not being able to breathe because of _people, everywhere_, is better than not being able to breathe because of the freezing wind) and Rosmerta gave me the usual enthusiastic greeting. Remus heard. His face was such a picture.

"Have you two been following us?" Emily asked, accusatory tone not quite matching the grin she was trying to hide at Remus' blush.

"Only for about half an hour." Ben revealed and I laughed at Moony's glare.

"If it's any consolation, I liked your hippogriff/merman/troll joke." The colour in both their faces rose. Remus told me to piss off and Emily smacked him on the arm before taking it and leading them to a table.

It was such a couple-y little sequence, I was well aware of how awkward Ben and I must have looked, a very platonic gap in between us. "You want to find a table? I'll get drinks." He seemed about to protest but a gaggle of Hufflesluts filled the gap between us. He grinned as I waved him goodbye.

Rosmerta was wearing a horrible smirk when I reached the bar to be served.

"Who's your date then?" She asked me.

"Who? Ben? He's not my date."

"Doesn't look that way, honey." She gave me a wink and then had to go on to serve the others clamouring for a drink before I could ask her exactly what she meant.

I found Ben guarding one of the more central tables, eyeing up the younger Ravenclaw couple on the left with disgust.

"Smile." I joked, sitting down and passing a mug of butterbeer over. He did. We began to unwind our scarves and remove out coats; there were far too many people for a healthy temperature level.

"Sorry, it's a bit crowded around here but you don't want to see what's going on in the corners." I laughed and made a mental bet that Sirius was over there.

In fact, and I feel really guilty admitting it, I did spend quite a bit of time wondering where Sirius was and how his day was going and how different today would have been if I'd have been with him. I'd probably be in a better mood now.

We passed the time chatting, nothing groundbreaking, but we knew how to make each other laugh and we were certainly getting along better than some of the other pub occupants. There were numerous arguments, a duel and four people simply got up and walked out, leaving their dates to run after them or, on one memorable occasion, grab the nearest Huffleslut and continue where they left off.

Then it got a bit awkward. Ben was trying to explain the finer points of muggle rugby to me, apparently it _is _as good as quidditch and people still get hurt so yes, I'd probably enjoy it, when a voice I recognised called my name.

"Oh, hi Gid." I turned to see Gideon Prewett and one of his old mates whose name I used to know (he always used to write my name as Billy, just to piss me off) approaching our table. I glanced at Ben but he had adopted a mask of polite indifference and didn't see that I was having an internal crisis. Because he was my ex-boyfriend, it was Valentine's Day, and I said I'd write to him at Christmas and I never did without a solid excuse. What could be better?

"You remember Patrick, don't you?" 'Patrick' smiled with far too many teeth.

"Sure. Improved your spelling yet?" 'Patrick' didn't seem to think that dignified a response and Gideon, who was looking unfairly attractive again if a little tired, laughed before sending 'Patrick' off to get drinks.

The he sat down and, oh Merlin, Ben's face. He looked like he would rather like to ask Gideon to leave in the elegant and non-violent way only a Ravenclaw can manage.

"It's been ages since I've seen you." I nodded as blandly as possible, maybe if he thought I didn't want to talk to him he'd leave. Because it was awkward and it was obvious Ben didn't want him there and I remember why we decided to stop going out after Hogwarts, even if he doesn't. "How's your quidditch going?"

"Good thanks, the team are great." Ben quirked an eyebrow at me and seemed to relax a little bit. Gideon smiled.

"And you get to be coached by Mirfield! That must be amazing." As only someone who has never been coached by Mirfield could say.

"It's a dream come true." Ben hid his laughter with a cough. "How's your auror training?"

"Oh, brilliant. I passed my stealth and tracking unit recently, can't believe I've only got one year left of training and then I'll be a proper auror!" I thought it was a bit gloomy to mention that we don't even have 6 months left at Hogwarts and I don't even really know what I want to do yet.

"That's great."

"Look, I was wondering if you'd want to start owling again properly, I've missed you quite a bit . . . I thought you might after Christmas but that didn't happen." I took a hasty swig of butterbeer and nearly choked.

"I . . . erm . . ."

As if I had conjured him there, 'Patrick' reappeared with two very alcoholic looking drinks – just because he could buy them and he always loved rubbing the fact that I was 'too young for Gid' in my face.

"Think about it." Gideon gave me a breathtaking smile, he really should think about selling those to the less fortunate, and then he was gone.

"I'm so sorry!" I blurted out as soon as they were out of earshot. "That was so awkward! I didn't know he'd be here."

"I think you handled it well." Ben didn't seem so put out any more and seeing as it _wasn't a date_ I supposed it wasn't against any unwritten codes for my ex-boyfriend to appear from nowhere to tell me he missed me. "Although," My stomach sunk. "Why didn't you write to him after whatever happened at Christmas?"

I considered my words. The way Ben said it made it sound like we had some sort of affair and I was being horrible by not getting in touch after.

"I saw him in Diagon Alley while Lily and I were Christmas shopping and I wrote one but it didn't get sent."

"Why?" He sounded genuinely curious.

"Because Sirius burnt it."

The truth sounded terrible. Ben didn't have anything to say about that. It could have been fine from then on, no awkwardness. But of course Sirius and Charlotte had to walk in (at least it disproved my theory about them being in the corners). And the only spare table was next to ours.

I didn't listen to their conversation, or wish someone else would vacate their table, or want Charlotte to slip on the way to the bar and need an urgent trip up to the hospital wing, or notice how great Sirius looked. I didn't.

Ben went back to explaining rugby and then muggle fishing. We devised a plan for how someone might go about catching the giant squid. Ben put forward the idea that the squid exists only in my imagination and laughed at my horrified face. For the record, the squid is not a lie.

"We haven't been to Honeyduke's yet." Ben mentioned casually just as Charlotte leant in to kiss Sirius again. "And I have it from a reliable source that Honeyduke's Best goes brilliantly with the Three Broomstick's food we've just had."

"Where there's chocolate there's likely to be a disgruntled Remus Lupin." Ben and I shared a grin and stood to leave, shrugging on coats and wrapping our house scarves tight to protect against the wind.

"I wouldn't count on it, he says he's taking Emily and they're going to hide from us all." Sirius spoke like he'd been part of the conversation the whole time. I hated him for that.

"Ah, unlucky." Ben joked while I sort of stared.

"Thanks for the message," I recovered with a grin, "I can't _believe_ what Moony said about me."

We left him laughing, Charlotte watching him carefully. That, I took a nasty sort of pleasure in.

We went to Honeydukes and decided we'd experienced all Hogsmeade had to offer so headed back to the castle. Conversation was light with bites of chocolate in between and all the awkwardness with Gideon and Sirius seemed quite distant.

"I've had a great day." I told him when we got back into the warmth. The castle was silent, all the students either still in Hogsmeade, holed up in the common rooms or in broom cupboards until the prefects found them. He grinned, dimples appearing in their full glory.

"Well, I'll see you in the library some time." Was my good bye, we'd reached the corridor where we'd split off in different directions to get to our different common rooms.

"Yeah, sure. Um . . . Billie . . ." A steely look passed through his blue, really blue, I would know, eyes; as if he was preparing for something.

And he was because less than a second later I was being pulled into a kiss. There was barely the time for one of us to inhale before I was pushing him away, the mantra of _no no no no, _exploding in my head. I just wasn't right at all. Granted, Ben's a good looking guy and he's a good friend and a good laugh but I don't fancy him and I didn't think he fancied me either or I wouldn't have agreed to what was obviously a date for him. Merlin, and everyone tried to tell me!

"Sorry!" He spluttered, "Merlin! Sorry, I shouldn't have done that, sorry." A reply of: 'no, you shouldn't have' would have sounded bitchy.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't-" I let the end of the sentence trail off and Ben winced a bit. "Sorry."

"Rowena-! I'm so sorry." He buried his head in his hand. "It's Sirius isn't it?" The question startled me. What was Sirius? Why I didn't want to kiss him?

"What?"

"Do you like him?" Ben looked sort of frantic and if I didn't feel bad before I would now.

"As a friend."

"Oh, c'mon! So you're really saying that you batted off your attractive and successful ex-boyfriend and me today for a reason other than Sirius Black?" This was the frankest I'd ever heard Ben speak. I didn't know he had this sort of rage in him.

"Well-"

"When everyone who's ever met you thinks you're in love with each other and gets to watch as you both mess each other around."

"What-?"

"I've liked you for ages, Billie and you didn't even know who I was and now we're actually friends I still don't stand a chance because you're still pining for a guy who's, once again, got a girlfriend just to spite you."

"It's not like that." I was beginning to get angry too. His ideas about me and Sirius were completely wrong and I felt insulted despite what else he was saying, that made me feel vaguely sick.

"Yes it is and for some obscure reason you're both denying that that's how it is. Everyone thinks so." It occurred to me that I didn't give a damn what everyone thinks but I felt I owed it to Ben to try and set the record straight.

"I don't love him!"

He paused and looked at me sadly.

"I think you do." I gaped at him. "I'll see you around." And with that he turned and stalked off to the Ravenclaw house, leaving me stood there like an idiot and resisting the pathetic urge to cry.

James was patrolling the fifth floor corridor just as the map said he would be. Several emotions flickered across his face before his expression settled into one of resigned sympathy.

"C'mere." He opened his arms for a hug and I stepped into it gladly. For all he is annoying, I do appreciate him sometimes. "I knew this was going to happen."

"Then why didn't you tell me, I wouldn't have gone!" My accusation got lost somewhere in the wool of his jumper and he laughed.

"Yes you would, don't deny it." I sniffed in not-quite agreement.

"I'm so angry." James released me in mock caution and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Am I allowed to ask what happened?"

"No, but I'll tell you." He grinned and wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we started patrolling again. "He kissed me out of the blue and then told me everyone knows that I love Sirius when I pushed him off."

"Ah."

"Yes."

"Well, it probably won't be much consolation but if it wasn't today then it would only be another day

"Sorry?"

"He's liked you for ages - it'd only be a matter of time before he plucked up the courage to ask you out or kissed you."

"How do you know?" We approached a broom cupboard and James banged on the door.

"You've got ten seconds before I open the door . . . Ah, no-one there. Always feel like an idiot when that happens." We continued walking. "I'm your brother, I know everyone who fancies you." He sounded rather smug.

"Don't be an arse, the hell you do!"

"I do."

"Can I know?" James laughed and shook his head.

"No, no-one should have that much power."

When we'd done a full loop of the corridor and I'd finished whining to James about my day, he was especially interested in Gideon's arrival, I decided to leave him in peace and handed over the sweets I'd gotten him in Hogsmeade before departing. Apparently, I'm the best sibling in existence.

At least James still likes me. I need a lie down.

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><p><strong>AN: **Valentine's Day is not over yet! There's more to come in the next chapter, you lucky readers, you!


	9. Not For Lack Of Trying

**A/N: **Hey everyone, sorry it's been ages again but me and my beta have both gone back to school so give us some slack, okay? :) The next chapter is written, it just needs typing up and beta-ing and stuff then we're ready to roll. I will try to update quicker but sometimes it's out of my hands. Thank you, **FezzesRCool25 **as always!

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><p><strong>14th Feb<strong>

**9:00pm**

I'm going to feel really horrible later for referring to this as good news but, in the eyes of many, it is. Sirius and Charlotte have broken up! The whirlwind romance which lasted a grand total of _six _days ended about ten minutes ago, rather explosively. And, for me anyway, rather embarrassingly.

I'd been down in the common room with Lily moaning about everything that had happened; Gideon showing up and Sirius showing up and Ben kissing me and what he said about everyone thinking that I was in love with Sirius when, actually, I'm pretty sure I'm not.

She listened sympathetically and asked if I thought we were still going to be friends. I don't know. How awkward it would be if it was just us two, but especially so when Remus and Emily are around, being couple-y. And no doubt now he'd put up as many walls as he could to keep me as far away from him as possible.

"Go get my potions notes and we can spend a romantic Valentine's evening going over the properties of Salamander eggs." She proposed.

"Oh, catch me! I think I might swoon!"

"You can swoon over your O in the exam!" She called as I darted up the stairs, laughing at the unlikelihood. I don't mean to be bad at potions. Explosions happen.

I intended to give the boys' dorm a wide berth tonight, having no desire to relay my day to the other Marauders even though I would rather they hear it from me rather than through James. But as I jogged past I heard someone shout my name and froze.

"Yes it does, Sirius! Everything has to do with her!"

"It doesn't have anything to do with Billie at all!"

It sounded like Sirius and Charlotte were arguing and my stomach sunk because, somehow, I was the subject. I inched closer to the door.

"I always have to compete with her. I'd never even spoken two words to her before we started going out and it's pretty obvious that she avoids hanging around with you when I'm around and yet I feel like I'm constantly in a competition with her for your attention!"

"You're my girlfriend; she's my best- one of my best friends, just because the Marauders are a tight group doesn't change any of that."

"But there's no difference in the way you treat us! – No, Sirius, there isn't and you should see the way you look at her! It's like she's the reason the bloody world turns! You're in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her! Would I be going out with you if I was in love with her?"

"Yes! Apparently so, and let's be honest, your track record with girlfriends is crap. I don't know what happened between you both but I am sick of being your stupid, second-best rebound girlfriend because you're so bloody besotted with 'one of your best friends'."

"That's rubbish! I'm not in love with her. We're close, we've been friends for seven bloody years, of course we're close. I'm sure I look at James the same way I do Billie but nobody notices because he's not a girl."

Charlotte gave a humourless laugh.

"Right, of course. Don't bother lying to me, there's no point because we're over whether you man up and tell me the truth or not. Do you seriously not realise that the whole school bloody knows that you two are like, bloody star crossed and are really sick of you both messing each other about? While the rest of us are wishing that we had someone who loved us that much and you're making no moves whatsoever?"

"Who says no moves have been made?" Sirius growled and I felt my insides go cold. What was he doing? That was a secret! Charlotte went silent for a long while.

"Do you know what? I don't care. I hope you're very happy with your next rebound girlfriend when she continues to break your heart because she chose Ben Williams over you."

"That's not-!"

"I don't care. I hope not to speak to you again."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, you're an arsehole."

But her voice had lost all its strength, she was on the verge of tears and she was heading towards the door. I hurdled up the last few steps and busied myself trying to find Lily's notes, ignoring the fact that they were clearly visible on her bed while I got my thoughts in order.

So, and this really isn't the point, Charlotte never really liked me all along. She apparently saw straight through whatever act Sirius was trying to pull but agreed to go out with him anyway. Bit stupid if you ask me. And all this rubbish about having to compete with me, when have I been there for her to have to compete? I've been avoiding them both like Spattergroit, glad she noticed.

Now that Sirius and her have broken up thought it might mean we can be friends again, properly.

I grabbed Lily's notes and was greeted by an odd sight when I peered through the open door to the boys' dorm. Lily was there, and James, the former with her arms around Sirius, murmuring something into his hair. Odder still, he was hugging her back.

James must have heard me because he looked up and motioned for me to enter. Lily let go of Sirius and he stood up to practically swallow me in an embrace. There was silence for a time where we just stood there hugging, the others probably watching. Sirius pulled away, looking as if he didn't know how to speak.

"I overheard." I said and he looked horrified for a moment and then burst out laughing. The bed gave a creak as he let me go and flung himself back onto it.

"Bloody typical." James and Lily nodded and I blushed.

"You can't go down there Bills," James told me, "She's bawling her eyes out and cursing you both."

"Great." I muttered sarcastically. I have not done a single thing wrong to her.

"Potions revision up here then!" Lily suggested with a smug little smile.

"Oh Godric no, I'd rather live through that argument again, thanks. I'm waiting for Wormtail and Moony and then we're all off to Hogsmeade."

"I didn't hear that." Lily stuffed her fingers in her ears.

We didn't revise after all, it was fairly obvious Sirius wanted us to clear out and it's not our dorm anyway. I'm still waiting for the call and then we're all off to our little spot by the Shrieking Shack providing Remus doesn't feel too uncomfortable being out when it's only a few days to the full moon.

Maybe the news of my terrible day will cheer Sirius up.

**15th Feb**

**3:00am**

I should really be getting to sleep because I can easily imagine the lack of sympathy I'll be getting from Lily tomorrow if I'm tired. But I feel in the mood to sort of prove that I'm happy.

We snuck out at around half eleven once most people (Charlotte included) had retired to their dorms. Those left were older students accustomed to seeing us creeping out and wouldn't rat on us anyway. We didn't even need the cloak, the corridors were empty, and there was the general consensus that we should just head straight out to our spot and by pass the kitchens and the store room of the Three Broomsticks.

I got the part where I had to tell everyone about my day over quickly, mumbling most of it as we creaked our way through the shack and out of the window, allowing the others to speed off ahead. Remus seemed genuinely disappointed about what had happened and Sirius grinned completely inappropriately at the final part of the story (I skimmed over what Ben _said_, but didn't have a choice but to include what he did). James hit him.

"I'll be sad not to see you in the library anymore." Remus nudged me in the side.

"Mm, Madam Pince too."

The rest of the time was spent under the twinkling lights James had conjured, cosy under the influence of warming charms and chatting idly. James revealed how Lily accepted his apology at lunch time. I guessed something must have happened for Lily to be so amiable after Sirius' break up.

Wormtail told me about his date with Jess Guetting and it didn't sound too bad at all. Obviously there were a few moments where I had to pretend not to cringe at what he said happened. But he got a kiss out of it and she said she'd go out with him again so why not just be happy for him?

Sirius, I noticed, was a little more exuberant than needed but nobody had the heart to tell him that it's alright to feel crap after a break up. He responded enthusiastically to everything anyone said and cracked a huge amount of (terrible, so why did I laugh?) jokes.

I hope he's alright and he doesn't blame me for her dumping him because I haven't done anything but tell the truth and that was before she was on the scene. I just want us to be friends again. Like how Sirius was tonight, but properly happy, not just some mask he's put on to try and trick us into thinking he's OK.

Apart from my Padfoot worries, tonight's been exactly what I needed to cheer me up.

**16th Feb**

**6:00pm**

It was back to practice today, everyone putting their weekends, good and bad, behind them. I saw Ben yesterday actually, passed him in the corridor on the way back to the Common Room from lunch. I said hello, I was by myself and I know I probably wouldn't have done if Sirius or anyone was there, but I thought I was being polite.

He looked up and met my eyes for a second before walking straight past, shaking his head as if I've done him some great injustice, personally offended him by saying hello.

If he wants to be like that then it's fine by me.

Jen told me to come down for training as soon as I'd done in lessons and, even though I didn't have a full team practice later that night I knew I was going to be completely shattered by the end; but it gave me something to look forward to through double potions.

It was a nice surprise to find not only Jen but keeper Jimmy already circling the pitch.

"Good afternoon!" She greeted, throwing the quaffle at me with no less power than she would use in a match.

"Is it?" I caught it anyway.

"Oh, what have you had today?" Jimmy circled closer and attempted to bat the quaffle out of my hands.

"Double potions. Not worth talking about."

"Jen used to like potions." Jimmy gave up on the quaffle and flew over to ruffle Jen's hair. "Well, Professor Slughorn used to like Jen." I laughed and Jen went a little red. Every year group has their Lily Evans.

Jen had brought Jimmy down so I could practice shooting with a proper goal keeper. We set up at the hoops facing the castle and I tried not to be too nervous as he began covering them, a determined look in his eyes.

He called something goading and Jen nodded. I took a deep breath before attempting a shot. It didn't go in, obviously.

Actually, as embarrassing as it is to admit, all of my shots were saved. He caught every single one. To be fair on myself, Jen only got one past him, but it was still incredibly frustrating and it made me even more in awe of her because it's not just Jimmy who can defend the hoops like that in the Quidditch league. In fact, Quidditch Weekly doesn't even rate him as the best goal keeper in the country. Whatever, it made me feel terrible.

Worse still, was that Coach decided to come and pay us a visit while we were practising. I didn't even notice until Jen nodded at the lone figure in the stands and my stomach did a little dance before dropping like a stone. She said she was proud of me for only swearing under my breath.

The added pressure of his presence didn't make it any easier. I worked harder, if that was possible, because I still feel like I have something to prove to him only I don't know what it is because he hasn't exploited all my flaws the way he has done with the rest of the team.

Eventually Jen called it time and I guess it was stupid of me to think I was going to get away easily.

"Potter, a word." His voice called out from the stands. I flew over (luckily he'd picked the Ravenclaw stand to sit in because I wasn't going near the Slytherin one) and took a seat. My cuffs had never needed closer inspection, I couldn't quite bring myself to meet his eyes. "You didn't get one goal."

I very nearly snarled.

"Not for lack of trying." I grumbled instead and when I glanced up I saw his eyes were hard and hawkish.

"There were lots of opportunities for you to shoot properly." Merlin, the man made it sound like I missed just for a laugh.

"I know." And I did know, after every shot I knew what I should have done but by then the knowledge was useless.

"Then why didn't you?" I could have killed him right there and then, whacked him over the head with my broom. If I put some effort in it would have done the job.

"Look," I said, "You probably didn't want to be roped into coaching this tournament and I'm really sorry that I'm not as good as the world class players you're used to. If you're that sick of us then just leave and let us fail, it won't affect you in the slightest and it'll be less of a waste of all our time." I didn't even wait for a reply, partly because I was reaching a critical level of anger, mostly because I didn't want to hear him confirm what I'd said.

Hopefully he won't take it out on the team. Hopefully they won't find out it was my frustration that opened the can of flobberworms if he does.

**18th Feb**

**7:00am**

Full moon last night. Which is what makes it so surprising that I'm so awake. Although I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I slept fine. I'm guessing that a large part of the reason for that is because I slept in Padfoot's bed for the first time in what feels like months.

I had a cunning plan though, even if it meant I've been awake for a few hours. To avoid any awkwardness between myself and Sirius, I woke myself up with the alarm on my watch, knowing it wouldn't disturb the others. They sleep like bowtruckles after a full moon and I was able to sneak out perfectly easily. There. What a great idea? I should have done that ages ago!

I went to Professor J's office last night again and was not at all surprised to see Jen there. Somehow, he'd managed to get her marking work as well. Hey, if you have a beautiful, talented, famous girlfriend why not use her because you can't be bothered reading 30 homeworks you set.

They are properly boyfriend and girlfriend, despite what the papers like to imply about Dom Clarkson and her. I asked. Also, I noticed most of the pictures of Sir and Jen had been moved – bless.

"What do you mean, how did we _actually _get together?" Sir repeated, deliberately not looking at Jen's grin.

"Well, I've heard both sides of the story, sort of, and it's interesting."

"It's really not." Sir tried to change the subject, "Surely there's something more interesting to talk about?"

"Are you embarrassed?" Jen asked.

"No, of course I'm not-!"

"Is it because you were a loser?"

"I- Fine! But it's no secret that I was a loser, I have never lied about the fact that I was a huge loser until I left Hogwarts."

"I still can't see it." I told them both and, much to Sir's chagrin, Jen collapsed with laughter.

"I was."

"He really was. He had – oh – little glasses and jumpers!"

"And of course, Jen was the height of cool."

"I couldn't help that." She sobered and sounded embarrassed.

"Yeah, well, you can imagine it: loser like me harbours a huge crush on the school sweetheart. Sorry, I sound really bitter." He laughed and Jen stroked a hand through his hair. "We barely spoke at Hogwarts, _but _my best mate just happened to end up in the same international quidditch team as my high school crush, you and Jimmy always got on really well, didn't you? And by the time I was 20, I wasn't quite so . . ."

"Gawky?"

"Sure, hey shut up," He blushed a bit at our laughter, "Well we met again and got on really well and it all went from there."

"That's really adorable." I grinned, giving some second year full marks to make their day. It's fine, Sir wasn't ever asking me to mark them properly, really.

"Well, we nearly didn't meet up after school with Jimmy because, and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I wasn't very nice to him at Hogwarts," Sir made a huffing sound. "And I didn't want to find that he hated me for it."

"What changed your mind in the end?"

"Hm?" Jen's voice was suddenly high pitched and she was blushing. A sort of rosy scarlet.

"Why did you come in the end?" I looked on, startled, as Jen made a strangled noise in the back of her throat, turning a deeper shade of red. Now she looked like one of the danger signs you see on muggle roads.

"Jimmy showed me a more recent picture."

Well, I have never seen Sir look so proud.

I should probably go and wake the boys up if they're not already. We can't be late to lessons unless we arouse suspicions. Although, with our track record, being on time might be more shocking for the professors.

**12:30pm**

Okay, so my 'sneak out of the boys' dorm really early and they'll never know you were there' plan failed.

"You really didn't need to wake yourself up at five in the morning to avoid me this morning." Sirius whispered in my ear when we were on our way back from visiting Remus. I tried an articulate and well structured reply but my tongue swelled up and after that there was no hope.

"Um," He gave me a _look_. "Yeah, right. Sorry."

**20th Feb**

**9:00am**

What's the matter? – R

Nothing – B

I'm convinced. Seriously, what's up? – R

Nothing's the matter, honestly. – B

Billie, I'm not stupid. I saw you walking to lesson with Emily and now you've got storm clouds circling your head. – R

Is that your eloquent way of telling me I look moody as hell? – B

Yes – R

Sorry, It's nothing. – B

I won't tell anyone – R

Fine. But if you get upset, it's not my fault. Emily was asking about where you were on Tuesday night and if I knew anything. – B

Oh. What did you say? – R

That you were visiting your mother, I didn't know what else to say – B

It's fine, that's fine – R

**7:00pm**

I could kill someone. I could seriously Avada Kedavra someone right now and not even really regret it. I know who I'd Avada Kedavra too.

Coach Mirfield. He'd be my victim of choice. He just _can't _be allowed to continue talking to us the way he is. He just _can't_.

It was a terrible practice today, if you hadn't guessed. The weather, for one, was against us, freezing February winds and sleet. James said it was rain, it was sleet. In fact, it was so bad that a few of the Quidditch team didn't even come down to practice. Billy Frances was one and Dom Clarkson was another. The latter, it seems, has a habit of not turning up when expected.

"Dom skips practice all the time," Jimmy told me quietly, "He's lucky he's pretty."

That struck me as odd. How could a player with a coach like Mirfield get away with being missing from practice because he's good looking (and he is good looking, I will give him that). I don't understand.

Well, despite the weather, Coach seemed to be on top form today. Top form with making my team feel worthless, that is.

"Most players don't usually pick this up until they're at least 16." He must have told Peter about ten times when going through the bludger backbeat with him. It is a difficult move, Quidditch Through the Ages says so anyway. OK, Peter couldn't do it, his arms are too short at the moment but he tried, bless him. And watching his face crumple every time the coach said that just made my chest ache.

Peter is, really, an extraordinarily talented player for his age. He has a glittering quidditch career ahead of him if he wants it. So why can't Coach work with what he's got rather than complain because he can't turn Peter into something he's not.

Emmeline got her usual barrage of sexist remarks. "See, this is why boy keepers are much better than girls. They're not afraid of the quaffle." Thing is, that would have earned him the darkest of glares from me, but Emmeline grinned, _grinned_, at Coach. (And this is why I adore her.)

"Oh, I'm not scared, Coach. I just had a little chat with the quaffle before practice and it asked me to go easy on it."

I was flying quite a way away but I'm sure that's what she said, face shining with a smile even through the sleet. Jimmy, who was hovering next to her, burst into peals of laughter and Coach huffed and looked away. He didn't see the black look Emmeline shot at his back. For all her joking, I don't think she's happy about what he's been saying at all. Still, I wish I could be more like Emmeline.

A few of his jibes at Sammie really got to me. She missed one pass, just one, and he turned on her. Basically, he spent the whole practice implying that she was fat. The whole time. He asked us all what we'd been doing to keep our fitness levels up and when Sammie listed off what she's been doing he gave her the most _insulting_ look. Merlin's balls, I'm surprised she didn't have a real go at him. I'm surprised John didn't actually He looked murderous.

Surely he must know that there are certain things that you can tease a teenager about. But weight? Not one of those things. Dad was talking about the number of kids in St Mungo's because they stopped eating or tried some stupid diet spell. It's mind-boggling. And scary. I just dread Sammie ending up as one of those people because she's part of the team. It's supposed to be something to be proud of.

At least she has John, who has remained relatively unscathed in comparison to his girlfriend. John's not been referred to as Stony, which is his official quidditch nickname, provided to him by us years ago. Oh no, John is almost exclusively known as Lover Boy. And not just by the Coach. Dom Clarkson, his training partner, has joined in the acted too. I suspect that's part of the reason John always returns from his practices red-faced and fuming.

However, all of the coach's attacks paled in comparison to what happened with Martin today. I was on the other side of the pitch so I didn't hear what was said and Emmeline wouldn't repeat it, but one second Martin was talking to the coach, the next minute he was a red and gold streak fleeing the pitch.

"Martin?!" James and I shouted in unison, it happens, but he didn't look back.

I do know that coach has been on at him about 'masculinity', if that's the right way to put it. He's been telling Martin he hits like a girl, like a pansy, like a pouf. Now, if I'm brutally honest, I wouldn't let it bother me personally. I've hung around with four boys for seven years; Merlin knows what's been said about me. But it obviously upsets him so Coach has no right to do it.

As for James and I, he's barely said a word to either of us. He called one of James' catches 'shoddy' today and I watched my brother's face crumple a little, but he has been bullied like the rest of the team. Weirdly, neither have I. Even after my outburst at practice the other day, he hasn't said anything. Maybe that's my punishment, to be _waiting_ for something, growing ever more paranoid.

I don't know.

I do know, however, that this cannot continue. We couldn't beat Ravenclaw in this state.

**11:00pm**

I've had a word with James.

After my little outburst in my diary, here, I gave myself a few minutes to calm down and then got all worked up again by going down to the boys' dorm and relaying everything that had happened to Sirius and Pete.

They both listened well enough, even when we had to stop for an emergency evacuation when Peter's practice potion (Merlin knows what he was trying to brew but I don't think it was supposed to be brown . . . or smoke that way) went up in flames. Sirius insisted on sitting between my knees and I arranged his hair into odd, angry plaits while I talked.

"You should tell James to tell Coach to stop it then." Padfoot suggested. I gave him a 'yeah, right' look and he gave me a mocking one in return. "_Tell _James."

"Please, when was the last time I _told _James anything?"

"Tell him."

So I did. We went down to the common room to avoid the remaining smoke from Wormy's cauldron and I passed Martin coming up the stairs.

"Hey." He mumbled. He looked so unhappy and he's normally so cheery.

"C'mere." I greeted and pulled him into a hug. "Are you alright?" He sort of shrugged. "Well I'm off to talk to James now. If you want to-?"

"No." He answered quickly. We shared a weak smile.

"You're coming back to practice tomorrow aren't you?" He managed a proper grin.

"Of course I am."

Satisfied (for now), I followed the boys down and cornered James when he returned from patrol.

"Well, what do you want me to do about it?" James asked, affronted, when I told him something had to be done about the practices.

"Something!" A few people turned t look at me as I cried out. "I don't know, just something." I said more quietly. He looked at me blankly. "Just talk to him, tell him to stop."

"I can't-"

"If you can't, who can?" Sirius cut in and I probably could have kissed him, Charlotte was sat at the other side of the common room though, watching us with a painfully false air of indifference. James glared at him. I felt an overwhelmingly gratitude to Padfoot. He winked at me.

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><p><strong>AN: **Even more plot in the next chapter. I'll do my best to get it up asap - thanks for reading guys :)


	10. Martin

**A/N: **Hey everyone. Sorry it's been so long, my beta and I have kinda been snowed in with school and stuffs. Just to let you know **I intend to finish this story** - I won't just abandon it no matter how long it takes me to update! This chapter is a little shorter than the others but it's plotty and I'd love to know what you think about it :)

Thanks, as always, to **FezzesRCool25 **for beta-ing :)

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><p><strong>27th Feb<strong>

**8:00pm**

It's a full month today since Lily's party and the 'revelations' that came with it.

Just thought I should, I don't know, mark the date. I don't know.

The atmosphere in the common room is pretty tense. Barely anyone is speaking and people keep glancing towards us in hope that James or Sirius will do something funny to break the silence.

They haven't. Sirius is laid across the sofa, I'm currently resting my diary on his shins, with his eyes shut and James is staring into the fire. I hope he's thinking about something helpful.

John stormed in a few minutes ago. He's been sat at a table in the corner in a stony (hah, see what I did there?) silence. Sammie and Martin are with him, whispering soothing things. Rather them than me, I suck at comforting people. I do try though. Which counts.

Sammie stood up when he arrived, still wet from the showers, and she frowned when she saw how angry he was. James was in the middle of copying out Lily's potions notes and he jerked as John marched over.

"I cannot take another practice with that idiot." Stony hissed. I froze. John is placid. John is unflappable. What on Earth could have happened to make him so mad?

"Who?" James asked and lowered his voice when people started looking over. "Who?"

"Clarkson." He practically spat. Sirius opened his eyes in interest, I almost grinned at him. Nosy git.

"What happened?" I asked and he glared at me. I didn't take it personally.

"He's a prick!" John's voice was high pitched, hysterical. "I can't stand him. He's rude. Arrogant. Can't teach for bloody toffee – womanizing – dirty-"

"-John!" Sammie grabbed his hand, shock evident in her face. His voice had slowly been rising in volume and people were staring.

And, when you think about it, and I have been thinking about it, Quidditch has suddenly gotten quite political. We can't have people knowing that we're not enjoying ourselves because the word would spread like fiendfyre and then we'd be in trouble. Plus, we don't want people from the other teams thinking we're not performing and telling the new arrivals . . . Merlin.

"I'm just telling you." John lowered his voice. It sounded like a threat. "Something has to be done."

The 'I told you so' look that spread across my face was countered with a dark look from James. I glared back until Sirius knocked me with his knee and I remembered that the common room probably wasn't the best place for a Potter family fight.

"I don't know what you expect me to do, he's a professional quidditch player and it was just the luck of the draw who we got as a partner." Sammie scoffed at that.

"Come on! You really think that he does anything without planning it to the tiniest detail?" James shrugged and I sat up a little straighter, ready to dive in. James was just being an arse.

"Talk to Coach." I told him. A sense of de ja vu that wasn't de ja vu at all washed over me.

"I can't."

"Sorry, but we've had this conversation before. Just talk to him." People were sneaking glances at us again and I found that I didn't care at all.

"Billie, for Merlin's sake-!" And he didn't say anything else, choosing to ignore us in favour of staring moodily into the fire.

It was left to me to bid Sammie and Stony good night.

I really hope John isn't mad enough to skip practice tomorrow. And Martin. It's all going to pot. All of it.

**7:30pm**

Sirius has just bet me he can eat more cauldron cakes than I can in a minute.

Challenge accepted, methinks.

Remus says if we make ourselves sick he will have no sympathy.

James says he hopes I choke and die.

**10:00pm**

_By order of the all-knowing and marvellous Billie Potter, I, Sirius Black, have to concede that I am unable to consume as many cauldron cakes as her nobleness in one minute. Though, she did cheat, distracting me by asking if I was saving 'that bit on my nose for a midnight snack' when, in fact, my nose was spotless. _

_Signed, Padfoot. _

**28th Feb**

**9:30pm**

I've been asked to keep a secret, a big secret. Not as big as the furry little problem, but certainly problematic in itself.

And, as all problems seem to be at the moment, it's because of Quidditch.

Martin stormed off again tonight. Only this time I heard when was said and this time I followed him.

"Does Emmeline know you'll never fancy her back?" Coach asked Martin in a flat, ugly, monotone, not quietly enough for me not to hear as Martin flew over to stop the bludger from knocking me to the ground. As a result, I think it was more shock than anything, he froze and I had to duck swiftly to protect my teeth, the bludger almost blending in with the inky black of the sky.

"How-?" Martin choked. His face screwed up in confusion, hurt, "How dare you-?!" And then he was gone again in a red caped flurry.

"Martin?" Without thinking, I raced after him, catching his shoulder just before he could escape into the boys' changing rooms. "I'm not afraid to follow you in there." I said in response to the look that flickered through his eyes that told he was thinking of pulling away.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't know what _it _is." He gave me a hard look and slumped to the ground, resting his back against the door when he saw I wasn't lying. I joined him. "I presume this is about Coach?" He grunted.

"Yeah."

"And the things he's been saying?"

He gave me an unamused look and I held up my gloved hands.

"I'm sorry, he just gets to me, he really does."

"I don't get it; he's been calling you a girl? No offence, but is it really that bad?" He nodded. Then shook his head.

Then nodded again.

And then he let out a frustrated cry and buried his face in his hands.

"Can I trust you?" He was staring at me, eyes wide and worried. I paused for a moment, could he?

"Yes, yes of course you can."

"It gets to me because I'm gay."

He said it clearly enough, but I stared at him anyway, certain I'd misheard. I'd met a few gay wizards at Dad's work and Martin didn't really remind me of any of them.

"Really?" I asked and watched him pale, "No, it's not a problem. It doesn't bother me. I just didn't know." He looked far too surprised that, I don't know, I wasn't casting him away or something.

"I haven't told anyone yet, I probably shouldn't have said anything at all, I don't want anyone to know because . . . people get bullied for this, for being the way I am."

"It's not a disease, Martin."

He flushed.

"-For being gay. I was so comfortable where I was, you know, I have good friends and I'm liked enough to not be picked on or be at the centre of any disruptions. You know?"

"Yeah."

"But somehow he _knew_. And he's been dropping these little clues for everyone, just waiting to see who guesses first. All those things he's compared me to, well that's what I'd be called constantly if I didn't hide it." I tried to shake my head.

"Not everyone would be like that. I know most of Gryffindor wouldn't, we all love you to pieces and they'll all know it's none of their business whether you fancy girls or boys – although I can imagine some of the ladies will be quite disappointed." I finished with a grin but his face fell even further. "What?"

"Emmeline. You heard what Coach said."

"I don't get it?"

"She asked me out after practice a few weeks ago and I had to say no."

"Obviously."

"I told her I just didn't think we were right for each other but it's dawned on me that it's not her problem, it's me. I'm not right for anyone. I'm not right at all." I felt vaguely horrified at what he was saying. He was insane.

"Don't be ridiculous! Someone will come along and you'll be just as happy, if not happier than the rest of us. Merlin, we don't even have to think about who we are or who we want to be with now, we have a whole lifetime for that, a lifetime where people who were born to make our lives hell aren't living in the same castle!" He laughed quietly at that.

"I guess."

"There are loads of gay wizards and witches who work at the ministry with my mum and dad and they're perfectly happy. And I bet there are plenty more who just keep it to themselves and that's fine too – as long as you're not hurting."

"I'm not – when he's not around, or Emmeline, I feel so terrible!"

"But you'd feel the same way if, say, John asked you out and you didn't fancy him." He nodded. "Besides, Emmeline's a lovely girl. She's hardly got to resign herself for a life of solitude and too many cats." We both giggled at the thought.

"What about Coach though?" Martin bit his lip and I sighed.

"I've been nagging James to tell him to stop bullying everyone but he hasn't done anything yet."

"And you don't think he's going to."

"Oh no, he will. Eventually. But because at the moment coach hasn't me or him as a victim, I think he sees it as something someone else should take the responsibility for." I winced slightly at me words. I hate talking badly about James, especially to team mates; we're supposed to be a unit. Martin hummed. Then groaned. Then stood up in frustration. I heaved myself up and laid a hand on his arm. He looked at it.

"This doesn't change anything, Goldsburg. You hear me? You will always be the funny and ridiculously talented Gryffindor beater who'll end up captain providing Dumbledore doesn't misplace his marbles before the year is out. Nobody in the team will care." He flushed at my compliments then hung his head.

"You can't know that for certain."

"Oh, Martin. Three of the team are your best mates, one is your brother who treats you like an idol and James and I have loved you ever since you knocked out Malfoy in your very first game." He chuckled at that. "Why would it bother any of us? And Coach is just bang out of order, you know that, and we're going to do something to sort him out."

Martin nodded and drew himself up to his full height – he was still a bit shorter than me – a steely determination had replaced the despair in his eyes and I smiled at the sight.

"Thank you."

"It's more than okay. Are you going back to practice?"

"Nah, do you think you'll be okay without me?"

"Of course, we have mini-Goldsburg, haven't we?" Martin nodded again and I pulled him into another hug before grabbing my broom and beginning to walk away. "Oh!" I turned and called, "Before you start freaking out, I swear I won't tell a soul and if you need me I shouldn't be that hard to find!"

Naturally, I received a cold, hard look from Coach as I flew back onto the pitch. He didn't say anything though, I would probably have screamed at him if he did. And obviously James has been pestering me about what we were talking about. I wouldn't tell him. Not a soul. And if my diary has a soul I would be very, very worried.

It's really horrible, actually, I've always been able to tell James everything, always, and now I feel that there's some sort of rift between us because we're not sharing anything at the moment and every time I see him a feel a little bit guilty and a little bit angry. He still hasn't done anything about the quidditch situation.

"Why won't you tell me?!" James asked for the seemingly hundredth time as we flopped down on either side of Padfoot on the common room sofa.

"It's not my place to tell you!" Sirius looked between us, startled.

"Rubbish! You tell me everything. You're just trying to get back at me for not speaking to Mirfield yet!"

"If you had spoken to him and were any sort of decent captain then maybe he would have told you himself!" The words were out before I'd even thought about them, too sharp in the soft glow of the fire.

"Whoa! Easy Billie!" Sirius dropped a hand onto my knee and squeezed it and I twitched, turning an alarming beetroot with anger and embarrassment. Seriously, I thought I saw Charlotte and her friends at one of the tables in the corner. He removed his hand and glanced at James.

"Sorry, James." I muttered "I'm sorry, I don't mean it, but you need to say something. I can't tell you what Martin said because he told me not to tell anyone. Sorry." My brother nodded, not quite meeting my eyes. "I'm going to bed before I bite anyone else's head off." I grabbed Sirius' knee to pull myself up because two can play that game, _let's just grab each other's knees – oh, okay great idea. _

"Night." James said, which was more that I expected. Sirius waved.

See, the thing about this new secret . . . Despite what I told Martin, I'm not actually one hundred percent sure how people are going to react. There shouldn't be a problem within the team but if it all gets out I don't know what will happen. I can't imagine the Slytherins being too friendly about it but on the other hand, it might not bother them at all. Martin can't be the only person in the school who's gay but no-one else has admitted to it if they are. It's all one big, scary mess and quidditch is right at the centre of it. Again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Let me know what you think! I promise to update as soon as I can!


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